Valiant Ones, A poem deidicated to the military... |
 Sep 6 2005, 10:14 PM
Post
#1
|
|
 What up, dawg?  Group: Member Posts: 235 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 19,480  |
*~*Valiant Ones*~*
A you are tearing for those On the battlefield, One thought comes to mind that causes Other thoughts to yield. Maybe these souls didn't die in Vain, Maybe these souls didn't feel the Pain, For their minds were set on Just one small thing. They didn't need to feel, didn't Need to think. For as they lie here, crimson Mixing with the mud, They live on because there's Honor Running in their blood... by Rin-chan |
|
|
|
 |
Replies
|
Sep 9 2005, 11:02 PM
Post
#2
|
|
 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
I don't really like the rhyme scheme. All your thoughts seem to be jumbled and disconnected. And I'm not exactly sure this picture you're illustrating would represent 'honor', but I really like the subject of your poem.
|
|
|
|
Posts in this topic
rinchan089 Valiant Ones Sep 6 2005, 10:14 PM
kyttiekatt sad.
thats all i hav to say. (except for "tha... Sep 7 2005, 12:08 PM rinchan089 Thanks for reading it, but I don't think it... Sep 7 2005, 12:55 PM dispn0ygonekrazy Im glad you wrote something for the people who die... Sep 9 2005, 12:25 AM yukichan Kind of scares me because my friend is planning to... Sep 9 2005, 03:01 AM rinchan089 Aww... thanks!
I'll pray for your father ... Sep 9 2005, 10:25 PM torngemini I liked it and I kinda like it when some people wr... Sep 10 2005, 01:08 AM
rinchan089 ^^^ Thanks, alot.
Personally, the poem isn't ... Sep 10 2005, 10:41 AM |
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: