cB News____issue #3, August 2005 Options

[cBNewsStaff]

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Editors’ Notes

As always, we would like to take this time to thank our readers that encourage us to keep this newspaper consistent, by PM, viewing regularly, and applying. We hope all our readers understand how hard we are working to bring cB News to createBlog. Even with school starting, a few of our team members gave extra effort to write more than one article required of them to bring you all this excellent third issue. Though we've pulled through in the past two publications together, this issue truly says a lot about our team work.

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- The cB News Team

Administrators: Fae [uninspiredfae], James [MarchHare2UrAlice]
Editors: Anna [Azarel], Justin [CrackedRearView], Ruth [suddenly she]
Runners: Kiera [mzkandi], Sidney [ItzOnlySydney]

(Note: Recent additions to the cB News Team are not listed.)

Table of Contents
01 Editors' Notes
02 Unveiling: krnxswat- cB News Staff
03 The Push for a News Archive - cB News Staff
04 The First cB Debate Competition - cB News Staff
05 Xanga of the Month: July 2005 - Ruth [suddenly she]
06 Unneccessary Rap Battles - Radhika [not_your_average]
07 YOU'RE Hosted? - Sammi [headphones]
08 The Celebration Has Been Cancelled - Justin [CrackedRearView]
09 School of Thought Scores - Justin [sadolakced acid]
10 College Tips - Fae & Anna [uninspiredfae & Azarel]
11 Not Your Parents' Rock 'n' Roll - Ashley [antix10_kos]
12 Summer Concerts: Warped Tour, Ozzfest, & Sounds of the Underground - Brie [Despise]
13 Album Review: In Between Dreams - Anna [Azarel]
14 Featured Films - Anna [Azarel]
15 Featured Poem- cB News Staff
16 Advice Abby - "Abby"

[cBNewsStaff]

Advice Abby
"Abby"
July/August 2005

Advice Abby

July 14, 2005

Dear Abby,

My name is Maria. I'm a 19-year-old college student, and I just went through a break-up that really broke my heart. This might sound too upfront, but I was hoping you could give me some advice on the recent break-up I went through.

I have read all your articles, and the one that most grabbed was the one about lack of passion in a relationship because that is the reason my exboyfriend told me as to why we broke up, and I'm just confused as to why there was a lack of passion when I thought it was there.

He's 20 years old, and his name is Steve. The way we met was at a dance. I go to a university that's right next to his university. I am part of the ballroom dancing team at my college, and he's part of the ballroom team at his college. Back in the fall our college's had a combined dance event at a restaurant and that's where I met him. We had instant attraction right away, he danced with me for a good amount of time, we had great chemistry! He was very charming and, suave saying things like, "you're so beautiful." I had to leave early, and he never asked for my number.

Anyway, later on that week, as fate had it, the president of my team said that we will be taking classes with the neighboring university ballroom team (the one that steve goes to). That sparked my interest because i knew I would see this guy again. So i come to class, and he sees me and we start talking. Before I left, he went up to me and asked me for my number. So I gave it to him. Anyway, he didn't end up calling till a month later which kind of puzzled me as to why he waited so long. I mean I saw him in class during that month, but I never went up to him because I believe that if he really wanted to talk to me he could go up to me, I was playing hard to get by not acknowledging his presence until he acknowledged me first because i know how much guyz like challenges.

So he ended up calling me one night to go to a club with him and some of his guy friends. So I took a couple of my girlfriends, and it was a fun night, but some thngs i observed during the night was that, he danced with other girls too. I, however, only danced with him and other girls. So i'm like, "whatever," I think he was being a tease in a way. So the night ends, and I'm being the typical girl thinking things like, "oh, this guy is so great, he's smart (goes to ivy league school, majors in finance and economics, very into science and math, he really enjoys that stuff), handsome, russian , jewish (these two things are very important because i only date guys from my heritage), dances well, funny, happy." I felt that we clicked really well. But he never called again after that night, and i wasn't going to call him since i still want to be mysterious.

I was confused because i didn't understand why this guy didn't pursue me I mean everything that I described about him, I have those qualities too, or so I've been told (trying to be modest here) lol. It seemed like he was playing hard to get too. I'm thinking why wouldn't he go for me, he seemed like he really was drawn to me, so I just blamed on that fact that he's still young and he doesn't want a relationship right now. So I forget about him. So for the next couple months, I hear no word from him, I stopped going to classes because I had a tough semster and didn't have time for dance, and I also got new boyfriend. This new boyfriend I will leave out of the story because it was a 3month relationship that ended awkardly, but I'll go into that later.

Anyway, 2 months later, out of the blue, I get a phone call from steve inviting me to his birthday party for that weekend. I told him I couldn't go because I was already going to another party which I honestly was, but I didn't mention that fact that I have a boyfrined, for obvious reasons (I was curious to see if steve would pursue me for another date). But he didn't, for a while at least. I vowed myself to forget about him and that he's just not that into me, and I'll focus on this new boyfriend.

But then 2 months later, he calls again this time inviting me way in advance for another party that was going to be after a dance show. It so happened I couldn't go to this party either because I was going to a bat mitzah that day. I was defintely being a challenge without even trying because he was calling me, and the two times he invited me, I was busy. So once again that was that, I said couldn't go, we talked for a bit, and it was really a fun conversation full of wittiness and charm. I really thought we clicked, but he still didn't pursue me more.

So by the next month, my bf, which I started having problems with, went on vacation for a week, and during that week, I was invited to go on a boat ride that was hosting this event where jews from neighboring universities could meet. I decided to call steve and invite him (me thinking what the hell, why can't i be friends with this guy if he won't pursue me romantically). So I call him up, and he ends saying he would love to go, but he can't because he has to give dance lessons for a show that was going to be held for that weekend, so he couldn't miss these lessons. So I'm thinking, "whatever I guess we're not meant to hang out."

But then a week later, he calls me to invite me to his school's spring fling and to watch him dance in a quick show and afterwards go to a party. So of course I say okay, and I saw him dance that night, he was very good. Something about him always attracted me. He's so charming and he always looks so happy. I really like that in a guy because that's what I'm all about, but I kept on telling myself to be aloof, mysterious, but very friendly to him because I wanted him to do the pursuing.

So after the dance we go to a couple parties with some of his guy friends. During that night, he asked me, "so I hear you have a boyfriend?" (he found out from one of his guy friends who I told) and I say, "yes, i do", and then he says "did you have bf when we went out to that club (months ago)" and I say "no, i didn't." So he asks how we were doing, and I was about to say fine but I couldn't help but saying that we were having problems, which we really were. Then I ask him, "what about you, any girls since then?" and he says, yea there were two and one of them broke his heart. Now what I found interesting was that one girl was american and the other was asian. I ended up asking him why he doesn't go for russian girls and he said it's simply because he just hasn't found one that isn't snobby. Of course, I'm thinking until you met me.

So after the party he invites everyone to see a movie at his dorm, but it ends up being only me and him since everyone wanted to stay at that party. So we stop by a cafe and have milkshakes. So as I'm getting to know him more I find out that we have so much in common. We both have the same outlook in life, we're optimistic, we came here when we were 5 from russia, we both don't like movies because we'd rather being doing the stuff they show than watching it, we both keep kosher, we have so many similarites it scares me! We're both very charming and goal-oriented, smile alot.

I ended going back to his dorm and we ended up taking for like 4 more hours. It was crazy. It was so easy to talk to him, like we had such a connection in terms of how similar we are! We even have the same problems; for example, we both have the problem of always trying to please everyone when we know that's really impossible. He has a little sister who really cares about. I have a little nephew who I really care about. In terms of relationships, we both feel that there should be that mystery in a relationship like, you shouldn't be calling everyday and saying what you ate and did. Just the way we think, it's all so similar!!!

I felt like by the end of the night we were both thinking, "we should be together." So he calls a taxi for me, and we kiss on the cheek (like europeans do), and that's that. So I come back to the dorm thinking I just met the love of my life and that I need to break up with my bf because obviously he's not the guy I should be with. So I decide to write steve an e-mail because i remember I told him I have pictures of me and him from that night we first met at the dance, and he told me to send it to him. I guess in that way, I made the mistake by making the first move, but I just felt like we were meant to be, and that's all that mattered, and I didn't want him to be intimidated by the fact that I have bf....silly me! I should have realized that if a guy really wants you, nothing will stop him, and I should have just given him time to make his move.

Anyway, so I wrote an e-mail saying this:

Here are the ssssscandalous pictures i've promised, i think u'll like them esp. one in particular (in other words the one where cleavage is present;) btw it was really great talking to you last night, it's a shame though we should have been having that conversation in the fall, we could have gotten to know each other alot better earlier but it's funny how life works out that way but at least we're talking now .......anyway hope u enjoy the pics as much as i did lol and good luck with ur term papers!

So he e-mails me back saying:

You definitely turned an evening termed by most as a complete failure (lack of deodorant at naked party, girl orgy at ballroom party, and worst of all, hearing steve's voice at Karaoke) into a memorable one that I will remember always, but to be fair, it seems you add that unforgettable charm to every occasion. The fall was a different chapter in my life, and if we had had this in then, it would not have been as mysteriously intimate. All that happens is for the best, so please don't ponder over the what if's and keep living and loving life in the present. Anyways, something tells me our paths will cross again.

Keep smiling, keep laughing, and never lose that zest,
steve

P.S. The pics were quite hot, though I thought we should change some of the names.

So of course I totally fell in love with this e-mail, and he put cute little titles under the photos, and in the last picture, he has a lipstick mark from another girl, and he writes "too bad it wasn't from her," (he was referring to me) and I thought that was so cute. So I decide to write to him again which I shouldn't have because I should have let him pursue me, but I got ahead of myself:

You really know how to put a smile on my face:) I think the new names of the pictures give them a lot more meaning lol esp. the last one;) Anywayzzz I'll be around Penn on thursday to get photos developed (I usually do one-hour photo) so since I'll be in the area, and it should be a pretty nice day then, maybe we could go grab lunch:)  Also I think I left my copy of the video at your place. If we do meet, can u bring it along? I wouldn't want such talent (lol) to go to waste (in other words, I promised friends I'd show them the video). Talk to you soon

So then he writes back this:

My darling maria, Hmm... so tempting... Let's analyze the situation, you know, apply those NPV's and Beta
analyses:
* a 100+ page team paper due Monday, with a 20 minute presentation this
Friday
* a Final this Thursday at 3
* a meeting with a friend Thursday afternoon to finish off a "love" poem
for a mutual friend's birthday
* two weeks worth of Advanced Complex Analysis problem sets due Friday
So, to make a long story short, and to stop the endless whining... I'll see you at 11:00 on Thursday :-) Any particular place tickles your fancy? Pizza Salom isn't bad, though I'm open for new experiences if you have any suggestions. As for the projects: Hey, if worst comes to worst, and the professor gets really stressed out over the project, I'll just forward him your emails and then (no matter how much he tries to resist) he will soften up and smile and it will all be OK. It worked on me, didn't it? As far as the video goes, it will first have to pass through the official "Steve can't look like a COMPLETE idiot" censors before it leaves my room.
:-)
Ciao,
steve

So I write back saying:

U're too funny and sweet! I love reading your e-mails:) For thursday, I have a final till 12 so I wouldn't be able to do it till then, now i know u said u have to meet a friend on that day. Sooo if 12 isn't good then i'm free tomorrow from 10 to 12:30 or from 2 to 5. Whichever one is fine for me:) The pizza place sounds great. Oh and with the video, dun worry since we all looked pretty messed up, it's all goooooood:)

He writes back saying:

I'm afraid this won't work out after all. I'm meeting with a professor at 10 tomorrow with class until 12, have a quiz tomorrow at 1:30 and class until 4:30; and I cannot rearrange Thursday any other way thanks to all the whiny stuff I mentioned previously.
I apologize for my crazy schedule, but I'm sure we'll think of something soon.
Have a sweet and dreamy night,
Steve

So me, being the nice person I am, decides to assure that it's fine, which I shouldn't have, because then it assures him he has me, and that's not being challenging, and guys love challenges:

Dun worry about it, totally understandable. Good Luck with everything!:) n' hope you have a good passover this weekend. I know I will, I finally get to see my adorable nephew who I haven't see in such a long time!
ttyl

So anyway we don't talk for a while, and i rememeber mentioning it to him that my b-day was coming up so I was curious to see if he would remember. So then comes the day before my b-day, and i couldn't stop thinking about him and wondering if he'll call. So at exactly 12 AM, i get a phone call from him saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" that was so sweet of him to call exactly when it turns the day of my b-day, and he tells me to come outside in 20 minutes. I start getting so excited, and he comes out of the taxi looking so suave with a nice oufit on and and a big beautiful red gerber daisy; he takes to me to a cafe, and then we walk in nearby park. That night, i told him i broke up with my boyfriend(implying that i'm free), and i ended the night with giving him a kiss on the cheek, and that's it.

So i totally fall head over heels for this guy, and so to make the story somehwat shorter we started going out. We had the kind of relationship where we didn't call each other everyday. in fact, we hardly talked; he was busy, and so was I, and when we were with each other, we could be silent for a while and it was perfectly ok, we just clicked so well. It also was finals for him so he had to study alot, we kept that mystery there.

He wrote me e-mail saying:

my darling, I miss you and really want to call you, but I know that then I won't be able to hang up for hours (and will probably somehow end up at your door). I really must focus... and thinking of you is killing me... you're a bad influence :-)

I mean they were so romantic. He did so many romantic things for me, he bought my twin sister and i dozen roses each for my birthday party. He drove all the way from home to my dorm (45 minutes difference) just to give me soup, tissues, and candy when i was sick. He took me to really nice and interesting places, he even got me a professional photo shoot because he knew i always wanted one because everyone tells me i should be a model, but i'm not allowed because my mom is over-protective and she's thinks it will attract the wrong kind of attention. He introduced me to his parents when I spent the day with him and his little sister when they were visiting him. His little sister totally fell in love with me, and I'm sure his parents were happy that he finally met a nice, beautiful , russian jewish girl. I mean I felt like we were perfect for each other.

I mean I was suprised that he didn't say I love you to me yet, but I thought, "he just needs more time." I must admit he did all of the work in the relationship, he planned all the dates until one day, he actually told me that I should plan the next date because he's planned all of them and he's tired, lol. But i wanted to still be a challenge for him, because i thought if i started calling him more or planning the dates then the challenge would be gone for him, and he would know he had me. I mean my thinking was that as long as i didn't cheat and was caring towards him, a good girlfriend, then it was fine. But i felt bad, since he was doing alot the date planning, so I planned a beautiful day in the park with him, i cooked him a nice picnic. we played some sports and walked around. It was great.

Later that week we talked, and he said he was going to reconnect with his frinds the following weekend. Now I 'm thinking "what! we hardly see each other during the week, and he won't plan to spend the weekend with me!" As you probably thought, i was angry, but i didn't show it. I decided that i'll give him his time to spend with his friends and see how long it takes for him to call me. He doesn't call me till a week later!

so he starts the conversation saying "hey stranger" and i say "hey stranger" back, me thinking how dare he say that, he's the one who didn't call me. So we talk, i act somwhat aloof and end the conversation quickly; i wanted him to get the message that i'm not ok with him just calling me a week later saying everythings fine and just inviting me to go to a party with him that weekend. I decided to tell him i already have plans for the following weekend. I wanted to see his reaction. So i end the conversation thinking that he's gonna call me back agian the next day realizing that he might lose me if he keeps this act up....but he doesn't call me! so this frustrates me even more. I'm thinking doesn't he know he could lose me!

So I decide to call him and speak up. I say to him "so i don't know about you but lately i feel like we've been drifitng apart" and he said he agreed, and i'm like "so what's going on, i understand you spent the weekend to see your friends, but you don't even care just to call me to see how i'm doing or to say hi.... i feel like we're just seeing each other, like we're not bf and gf...are u ok with this type of relationship I mean i undersatnd you don't want to talk everyday but a week? that's a bit much to not call and see how i'm doing"

And then this is where he talks about what he wants . He said he wants more passion, fire. he said he has been analyzing our relationship like crazy for the past week (just like i was), i mean, even to the point he made a checklist, and he said how he doesn't know what he's doing, he's not an expert in relationships, he just seemed really frustrated. He said he's stuck and hasn't come up with a solution. So then he starts takling baout what he wants and what the problems are. He wants more of a challenge. Like he wants more spontanienty.

I think he didn't call that week before because he was waiting for me to give him that spontaneous call, and say "hey lte's go somewhere now." But, to me, that's not being a mysterious girl because it's making it too easy for him because then he knows i want him. He says we're too similar, like we have to much of the same values and we both think too much. Like for dates, we both plan too much. He thinks i'm too conservative for him like he feels constrained when he's with me.

He says when it comes to love, there should be passion, like, if he's in a room with all these girls, he wants that incentive just to see me! I'm thinking there isn't enough incentive now??? I mean I don't get it he finds a beautiful, russian, jewish, down-to-earth, funny, smart, sweet girl (those are hard to find), why he wouldn't he be all over me? Maybe i'm too perfect for him? Maybe i'm too much of what mom wants, and i remeber him saying he wants to stay away from being a mama's and papa's boy which he used to be. I mean is it a bad thing that were so similar? I just don't get it!

He then said, "i hate to do this but i feel like you're asking for examples," so he gave me the example of when we were in the park and we were playing frisbee and some geese crap got on it and it got on my hand so i kinda started freaking out, saying "hold on let me get a tissue, this is disgustin.g" I mean i was jsut being a girl. But he said he didn't like that, like I guess i was being too uptight but come on! i mean just that one little thing annoyed him. i'm thinking, is that all he got out of the picnic that i planned? i mean we had so much fun! what the hell? this guy is being so picky! he wants freaking perfection," and i told him i was just kidding around.

but then he's like, "but u did it twice" and then he gave the example of one day when he said, "let's go to the shore tommorow," and i said, "ok, that'd be great!" But then he called the next day saying that he couldn't convince his dad to take the car. So i say, "it's ok next time then." But you know what he tells me? he says he would have wanted me to be like " no screw your dad, let's go!!!" to him that would have been the challenge, how do we get to the shore?? but i'm thinking, "uhhh, wait a minute, isn't that called being a bitch to him! is that what he wants, a girl who will be a bitch to him? I mean i just dont' get it because i thought i was being a challenge by not being all over him and being a little more mysterious and held back."

Then it got me thinking even though i didn't plan any dates maybe i wasn't being a total challenge because i never ended the dates and phone calls first, he did all that, which means i didnt leaving him wanting more. He suggested things, like maybe we should take a break or let's try again. It seemed we didn't want to end the relationship, we just didn't know how to satisfy each others needs. I'm just so confused because i thought we were meant to be, but then he says he wants more passion (and it hasn't nothing to do with sex, i'll tell why in a bit) so i'm thinking ok he wants spontanienty.

I told him to come to my house that night, so he comes, and we hang out at the playground. We have a good conversation, full of fun and wittiness, and i'm all mysterioius to him by going about the playground, not following him around making sure he follows me around in a way I wanted him to try to chase me, in my last efforts to save the relationship. So when we get near each other, i mean we hug each other, and i'm wondering why he won't kiss me, and we were about to, but then he says he doesn't want this just to be sexual, and i'm thinking, "sexual? we haven't even done anything besides kiss?" so i'm confused by that, and then he says "this won't work," and that's when it hit me that he's ending it with me.

So I don't say anything, because i know asking why why or nagging him won't work, if he says it, then that's the way he feels, even if i think he's being stupid and doesn't realize what mistake he's making. So we simultaneously walk back to the car, and he drops me off, and i just get out of the car saying, "peace," and that's it. He doesn't drive off right away, he waits a little bit, and i'm thinking, "god please make him realize what mistake he's making and chase after me," but he doesn't, and he drives away once i'm inside. It's been 2 weeks since then and no word from him.

I miss him, and i don't know waht to do because i feel like we were meant to be. I'm trying to think of everything as to why he left, maybe it's because he's young, and he justs needs to get hurt a couple of times to realize what he lost, or maybe we are too similar and he got bored of me, or maybe he needs some girl who will just be a lot more spontaneous and wild, crazy, not conservative, or maybe he thinks that i'm the kind of girl he sees marrying, but because we're so similar in our backgrounds, it scares him because of the whole forever with the same girl thing... he still wants to have fun, maybe. I don't know!

i'm so confused, I was hoping you could help me out, it seems like you'd have a lot of insight. I also forget to mention that he likes being by himself alot, he enjoys spending time with himself, like he'll go to an orchestra performance just by himself, he's very independent... maybe he enjoys spending time with himself too much, and i'm not a big enough spark for him to fall madly in love with me. I thought by me being conservative, i'll be a challenge that way, but I guess I was too simple in that way. Also, if it helps to know this relationship only lasted two months. I would really really appreciate your thoughts on this. I want closure, and i just don't feel like it's there because i don't understand him. I appreciate your time for even reading this. Hopefully, I will hear from you soon.

Thank you!!!!
maria

Dear Maria,

To be quite honest, I think you were trying too hard to be mysterious, and you were trying too hard with the whole 'hard to get' act. It may have been a good idea INITIALLY, but you didn't have to keep it up after you got together. That is what I'm thinking the main problem was. Personally, I think communication is the key to a successful relationship, and being mysterious and all doesn't exactly strengthen that communication area.

To wrap it up, I honestly think you should just move on and maybe focus on your studies a bit more at the moment. You're still quite young and you have a lot of time ahead of you. I believe you could find someone just as good or even better in a little while.

But if you do TRULY, TRULY believe that a second try with him would definitely be worth it, then I suggest you should talk to him about basically everything you wrote to me. If you two can agree on certain things and the future with him looks bright, then I guess you should go for it.

Good luck. :)

-Abby

Aug 3

Dear Abby:

I dated this girl then she left me for her old b/f. Then he beat her up a month later and she came back to me. Now only 3 days after she got beat up she leaves me again and goes back to him. I really care fir this girl, but my mind can't handle all the games. Now I sit here worried for her, yet at the same time angry, sad, and a lot of handrolled emotions all balled up together. It's even starting to effect my everyday life. WHAT DO I DO?

Thanks in advance, Jesse

Dear Jesse,

It's wrong of her to play games; I think you should refuse to play her games of the heart. After all, she's left you for another guy and will probably, sometime in the future, want you back when she can't take it anymore. She may be just using you as just a backup plan, in case anything goes wrong. You've proven to be her support who will always be there, no matter what happens, and in order to to stop her games, you'll have to present her with the ultimatum: you or him. That'll end it.

- Abby

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We request that, for all future e-mails to Abby, you keep it to a four paragraph minimum. Thanks!

The thread to discuss Abby's responses is located here.