A Suburban Existence Options

[*not_your_average*]

Well, some of you, being much better writers than me, said this needed a rewrite. Taking your points of view into consideration, I cringed after reading my essay/story. So I'll try to get a rewrite in when I can.

This post has been edited by not_your_average: Aug 13 2005, 10:18 AM

[illumineering]

I find nothing that reflects perfection in suburbia. The artifical nature of "cookie cutter houses" is as uninspiring as a wet noodle in the garbage. For me, life is far more than shirt collars, gossip, minivans and a flat-screen TV.

How could you despise perfection? The suburban existence you describe is far from it.

[*not_your_average*]

How could you despise perfection?  The suburban existence you describe is far from it.

I see what you're saying. What I was trying to convey, however, was that a suburban existence is not what it seems. Maybe what I said about the things that make it imperfect are shallow and superficial.

Irony, perhaps? The fact that at one time, the things in the piece would have been considered perfection, but truly are not.

That was what I was trying to get across.

The shift from singular to plural is awkward (my to we). Then the shift from first to third is even more awkward (we to their). I would advise keeping the pov the same throughout the entire piece.

I see it now. I couldn't make up my mind about which POV to use.
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After seeing my piece using your feedback, I cringed. It does deserve a serious rewrite.