how do i get rid of a stalker, and the fear? Options

[left_alone]

In 5th grade, this guy named *Jay (changing the name) had a big crush on me. My friends didn't approve and neither did I. In 6th grade, he asked me out - and I said yes. I don't know why I said yes because I never liked him at all. Anyways I broke up with him about a month later after I realized this.

In 7th grade we were friends (but he still liked me). He often gave me gifts that I had no choice but to accept. I'm kind of a 'softie' person. I don't like to turn things or people down because I feel like I let them down and I wouldn't want to be in their shoes.

I ended up throwing them away because they were a reminder of this whole situation. He was too persistant. He would call me each day. He would keep asking me out again and again and again. It came to a point where he would call literally EVERY SINGLE SECOND. My family started to get angry about it, just as much as I was. I told him not to do that.

His mother had left him and his father in 7th grade. I think that is why he turned so horrible.

I admit - we hung out on my driveway one day behind my mothers back. I went into my house to get my yearbook to show him. He followed me in. This is a time when I actually trusted him because he was NORMAL. That was the hugest mistake of my life. I'm regretting it every second. I got him out as soon as I got the yearbook. I felt so wrong about hiding it behind my mothers back (I'm not allowed to have boys over at the house) so I told him I had to do my homework. He left and I went back inside.

He called me a few days after that and told me he drank. Alcohol. I couldn't believe it. How could a 13 year old be drinking!? It was illegal. I'm turned off by guys who do that stuff. I decided to end it right there. I told him I had to go and I never picked up his calls from then on (he called like every 3 seconds for about an hour). This worried me. He was OVER obbsessed.

Once - when my sister and I were at home, he came over to my house and knocked on the door. This was about a month and a half after I decided not to talk to him. He kept banging on the door and demanding I open it. This is how the biggest mistake of my life plays into place. He went around the back of my house. I couldn't see him through the windows - although I didn't want to see him.

By the way - he is a punk rocker; who REALLY dresses the part. In 6th grade and the beginning of 7th he was a regular 'prep boy'.

I figured out a few weeks ago that he must have tried to look in my window. Remember - He saw the layout of my house and saw where my room was. He was trying to get me. After 20 minutes he left.

After this he got caught with a weapon in school and he was sent to ALC. He then got transferred to a new school. I believe the weapon was a knife. He called me and made an excuse saying he was working at the car shop and left it in his bookbag. But - if you work in a car shop - you don't need a knife as a tool.

I called my mother and broke down crying because honestly - I'm scared of him and what he will do. These chances would be lowered if he didn't drink, obbsess over me, or dress in freaky ways and listen to heavy metal rock music. Not to forget - STALK ME. I gave my mother his number and she talked to his father. His father supposedly told Jay not to come over anymore.

About a month after that - I think he got mad and somehow got ahold of my cell phone number. He left me the most nasty - digusting - sex related message on my cell. I couldn't believe it. I thought he forgot about me. No such luck. Oddly - his number didn't show up on the caller ID. But I know when he called. I got up at 2:40 a.m. to get a drink and go to the bathroom. After I got back in bed - my phone rang. That is when he called.

I told my mother that it was him since his number didn't show up to prove it. I remember his voice. This got to me. He is too obbessed over me and I should have been a good person and stayed away from him.

I think I may have put my family in danger. I can't get it out of my head. I'm scared he might try to do something outrageous like break into my house next time.

I think i have a bit of OCD. Whenever I like someone I look at their name and the letters. I make sure they don't have alot of letters as Jay's name does.

Every phrase that is said from either the TV, Radio, Teachers, Adults...It all goes to my head and I see if it relates to my situation in all possible ways.

I jump at all the slightest noises made. And my ears have become very keen, because I'm always listening to see if someone is walking around my house or trying to break in. I'm scared to go to sleep at night.

I can't listen to rock music because of the reminder.

I can't think about anything that may relate to sex such as health class or movies with romance because of that phone call.

I can't watch or read dark movies or books because I think of him as a dark person.

I can't think of my 6th or 7th grade year.

I can't stand walking in my house - the same steps he took when he came in.

I think I have been robbed of my childhood. PLEASE! I'm begging you to give me advice on how to handle this without feeling guilt and fear. I want to start living a good life. I have been commited to reading the Bible, praying, and asking for my sins to be forgave. But I feel this isn't enough.

I take full responsibility for what I have caused. But is there a way I can get over the fear of him...and the OCD I have? I considered asking my mom if she would take me to a therapist - but then I have to retell that story that kills me inside out. I feel horrible to have caused this and put my family in some danger. Please help me. I try to look confident on the outside but my fears are taking over me piece by piece.

Please help me. I don't want to confront my mom again because she will get mad. I don't want to disappoint her anymore. I want to live a regular life. Like everyone else. I beg of you. Help.