i miss them both., it drives me crazy. Options

[Kounouri]

okay .. i don't expect any advice or anything major, or really for anyone to care, but i think i just need to write this all down somewhere, maybe it won't hurt so much. i spent all of last week at a residential summer camp, and while i was there i whiled away my time by spending it constantly with my two closest friends there(they're both boys, i'm a girl.) everyone knows how it is, the friends you make at camp are some of the ones you trust, love and miss most- and for me it was twice as hard to go home because i liked one of them. i've got a guy waiting for me at home, and i do like him a lot. we've been together for over 3 months, it's a very honest relationship and things are going great. but crushes are inevitable sometimes- i find, as long as i don't act on them, things turn out fine and i move on. but he won't be home from vacation for another two weeks, and i don't get along too great with my family. consequently, i was the only one at that camp who didn't want to go home the last day. i was really really close friends with those two, and the one i liked just happened to have an awesome personality. psychologically, now that i look back on it, he reminds me of my b/f, and that's probably why i was crushing so hard. he also lives 5 hours away from me, is 3 years older than me, and we came to the conclusion that my dad would hate him(for multiple reasons). i never let my secret out or anything, but i spent a lot of time with just him the last day/night, and we fell asleep outside. (don't worry, nothing happened). i almost cried when he had to leave the next morning .. i think he was pretty upset about leaving, too, because it was his last year. we hugged goodbye, exchanged emails. we've talked once or twice since then, but he doesn't go on MSN.

the past 5 nights since i've come home, i've barely gotten any sleep. i wake up throughout the night and can't get back to sleep, which doesn't usually happen to me anymore. i find that i still miss the camp dearly, and i still have that tugging feeling that my real home is up north, there. everything my friends and family say or do reminds me of the days up north- the childish wrestling and the pure, raw honesty in everyone's personality. ever since i've gotten back to my hometown i've been trying to escape .. i have feelings like this all the time when i get home from vacations and experiences, but they usually don't last this long. i've been volunteering at a day camp since i've been home, and going out with friends, but i find that whenever i'm home, i'm online waiting for the guy to come online. i miss him so freaking much, and at the same time i miss my bf and want him to come home so i can get over this. but every day it still hurts being at home, and it's not natural. i still cry about it every now and then, i still get distracted by it and it's affecting me wayyy too much. i'm eating like a pig, sleeping less each night, and even though i try to take my mind off things by reading, i've done that to the point where i get headaches from focusing.

GOSH!! i'm just so frustrated by it ...

[Xprezsion]

Well, I don't know exactly what you're asking but, I think you should keep your feeling for that guy at camp a secret from your bf and family and try to forget about him (I know easier said than done). But yea, hopefully when your boyfriend comes back you will only think about him. I don't think you should dump your boyfriend for this camp guy because it will be a long distance relationship and you don't know for sure if he likes you back. But whatever you decide goodluck =]