a divine admiration, wants and needs Options

[*islandgirl4eva*]

Love. It can be the best thing in the world, and at the same time, the worst. I've seen both sides of it. I can't say that I have any regrets, even though it hurts more than anything I've ever felt before. I relish in the pain.

I'm the girl who dives head-first into things. I can't help it. It's something I've always done. I'm usually a very logical person, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I go with my feelings, throwing logic to the wind. To be honest, even though I'm what some may call "true to my heart", it's the very fact that I am that scares me to death. I've lost fragments of my soul to three men in my life. Each time I gave it up more willingly than the last. I guess I can say that's a stupid move, but I was more than willing to take that risk. With promises of the proverbial eternal love in my sights, I was more ready to lose myself in the endeavour.

And now I sit here a broken woman. More times than I care to recall have I been abused, given false hopes, and denied what I want most. Eighteen years...to throw out that number makes it seem as if I am still a child, and though I am, eighteen years has been an eternity, with which each coming year passes more slowly than the last. My wants and needs have matured with my mind and body. The little girl wanted a baby doll to hold and nurture. The woman wants a man to hold and cherish her. These people within my own being, they call out desideratum of arduous adulation. An affection that will penetrate the cold stone walls that I've erected over the years. A devotion that would allow for burden to be forgotten. An infatuation that would cause a heated blush. It's one thing that human nature has programmed into us, whether we care to admit it or not.

A need for love, and I need it now more than ever. I'm losing touch with life. Caught in the darkened abyss, love will be my savior.

[*stephinika*]

wow...i read this quickly on your xanga earlier, but i didn't get a chance to leave a comment...i will here for now.
such strong words...and i'm so sorry to hear you're hurting, but at least you don't regret. that's always a good thing. but such amazing words and so well written...i can feel what you're feeling. i hope you feel better, but again, amazing work.