I need some advice. Options

[jennyjenny]

Here goes...
it's pretty long.

Okay so a while ago I had some problems with my friends and whatnot and it resulted in my losing... most of my friends. So last February/March or so I met Steph. So we would hang out and stuff (like outside of school) and we would talk to each other in school. It was good. I haven't felt that happy in months.

So now it's summer vacation and I feel like I never get to see her because she's always with her other friends. She has A LOT of friends, btw. Even if it's not her close friends she's always hanging out with them a lot. I still get to talk to her on the phone and online and stuff but I guess it's just not the same? I ask her to do things all the time but she says that she's already doing something that day so it's not like I'm gonna invite myself or something.

Yeah, so there are the other girls. The girls who like rap... the girls who wear Abercrombie and Aeropostale, for the sake of not labelling. Steph is punk and I guess she likes metal and she dresses like she does. These girls used to think Steph and her friends are "goth" because they're not clever enough to think of another word to label them. But lately the girls just seem to talk to Steph more and just become like, obsessed with them. And in a way, I'm sort of jealous and an angered kind of way. Because she's even starting to hang out with them and talk on the phone with them. And every time I'm with her I feel like such a loser because she would always ignore me whenever she's with a group of friends and that I'm just not good enough. And I guess I'm jealous that I never get to hang out with anyone and my summer is totally LAME and boring because everytime we make plans everyone just seems to blow me off.

But I just don't know. Because the other night I was just really pissed off/depressed (to the point where I was crying) and Steph called to ask me what's wrong. But I just can't tell her that because she's the one who helps me all the time and I don't want to tell her that I feel like this because of her, because then I would feel like a bitch. Not that I already don't because she always tells me that she considers me as one of her good friends and she would never talk behind my back, but I talk behind her back because she gets me so pissed off some times but I can never tell her when I am.

Yeah, so I just need some advice. But please don't tell me to blow her off and get new friends because for me, it's really hard to make new friends and then consider them as a good friend because I truly consider Steph to be one of my good friends.

[kill me please]

aw man i know how you feel. what you really need to do is talk to her. just tell her how you feel.. if shes really a good friend she'll understand.