my rap, awesome-n-hot [possible dejayyy diss] Options

[*Statistik*]

LEAVE CONTRUCTIVE CRITICISM OR DON'T POST AT ALL. DO NOT USE OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE IN THESE "BATTLES", WHICH INCLUDES OFFENSIVE RACIAL SLURS.

YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WARNED.

-Fae


Yo I'm just trying to prove my point//
I'm trying to make this a burning hot joint//
Y'all people can't feel my rhymes and lines//
Ask the cop why I got over 5,000 fines//
My girls got more taste on me than bud light//
All you gotta do is holla and i'll make ya tight//
I'm gonna take this shit to the hardcore extreme//
I'm like The Game because I get nightmares and dreams//
Yeah dejayyyy my name is jason..//
I'm attempting to get a trace-in//
You're freddy kreuger? oh man i'm going to get feared//
Ask all my hip-hop fans, they'll say I always get cheered//
If you wanna be freddy dejayyy, you must be afraid of fire//
Damn, That's pity no wonder you can't get any higher//
When I get retired, The Kangsta will be remembered//
So i'm gonna finish you off, i hope you get dismembered//
Yeah you are the game dejayyyy because i always play you//
First improve your freestyles bytch and I will pay you//
Yeah i'm 50 cent because I get a lot of beef//
Call me the king because I'm always the cheef//
And now one more thing dejayyy don't disrespect me//
I achieved more than you losa, I'm always connected//
Call me the hard mirror, because I'm always reflected//

This post has been edited by uninspiredfae: Jul 15 2005, 12:30 AM

[HoodieObsessed]

hey, I think you guys are being a little harsh.

Granted I don't like rap, and most of your lines didn't make any sense, but still, he's 13...I couldn't write that when I was 13

the rhymes were O.K. although some of the rythm was a bit off...especially the last three lines, they just didn't flow.

Try to write about things you know more about as they said above, and read it a couple times afterward to make sure you get the flow right. Make alot fo revisions and really think about the most apropriate words to use and such. Usually raps try to get across a certain message (not always) maybe you should choose a basis for your rap before you start writting it. Just sketch out what you want the rap to be about in story form, and then turn it into a rap when you've got the main idea.

Don't get upset because of all the negative comments you got, although this may not be a peice of art, there's plenty of time to improve, and if you really keep at it, by the time you've grown up you'll be awesome.

^ We diss him because he doesn't write his lyrics. He's got a ghostwriter.

He doesn't have a ghost writter anymore

I AM NO LONGER JASON'S GHOSTWRITER. I already showed everyone the one I ghostwrote for him in that one thred.

Give it up guys, it's a forum on the internet. This is a free world, he is a free person, he can post what he wants. You don't have to read it, you don't have to click on the link, hell you don't even have to go to CB, you dont' even NEED to go on the internet. This is all by choice. He chose to post his rap in this forum, and he has all rights to do that. It is not your every right to be jerks, I'm sure that's in the rules somehwere that you arn't alowed to diss someone for no aperent reason. So just stop it. You're probably really hurting his feelings and crushing his dreams. He could be really good some day, you never know, there's no reason to bash him to the ground. So stop being self centered, jugde-mentel complainers and give him a break

[xquizit]

He doesn't have a ghost writter anymore 

It's clear that he does. If you read his regular posts, you'll notice how limited his vocabulary and verbal skills are.


Constructive criticism? How about post your own original material.