Am i pathetic? Stupid?, Wanting an ex boyfriend back. LONG! Options

[HIMsHeartagram]

Hello CreateBlog Users,
This is Vicky. I recently made another post about my relationship. Boyfriend Help It explains how controlling he is/was and yada yada.

Heres the story. I'll say his name is "Adrian". Heh, dont ask.

Well "Adrian" and I went out since Sept 03, 2004, and we broke Feb 02, 2005. There was alot of negative and postive feelings involved. I don't know if you count sex as positive. All i know is that when i "lost it", i "lost it" to guy whom i was madly inlove with, and had no doubt we would break up. After i started being sexually active, Adrian and I would always have sex. He didn't want to be at my house because it was supervised, and he wanted to do it. I couldn't talk to any guys because he thought i was going to break up with him for whoever guy i was talking to, but if i was talking to his guy friends he wouldn't mind except for his best friend, which he thought i really liked. There was just alot of drama, he wanted to be with me alot but he had a band that he didnt go to because he wanted to be with me then so i guess i was comfortable with it, but not completely i insisted him to go but i would get mad, so there was trouble there. There was trouble when it was coming close to our relationship, he would be really mean to me, i admit i would hit him ONLY because he was being a jerk to me, he hit me back in the stomach (once), i didn't care, i was just really suprised by it. Its my fault for the break up because i told him that this one guy was hot and seemed like he would treat girls with respect, so he got mad, and then we had a fight about it, and told him that i really loved him alot. I guess i was being retarded there. Then after that, there was this one girl who wasnt safe walking down the hallway, so i told Adrian that, and he told if i walked with that girl, he would break up with me, so i picked her, and thats when we broke up. I tried talking to him during passing periods, but he wouldnt allow it, and got really frustrated because this guy meant alot to me, but i got to the point where i slapped him really hard, and just went to class crying in tears. Then when lunch came, i practically kicked his ass in front of his friends, and just made a fool of myself. Now that all that happened, i wish badly that it didn't happen, i wish that i can go back and find what went wrong. [Yes he told me that he will always love me if we ever do break up] But it was a different story when his ex called, he told her that he broke up with her to be alone but needed someone, and i was that someone.

I really love this guy, and its really hard for me to go anywhere in my town because im way to scared to see him or his family. i have so much shame and regret in me that its becoming unbareable. Alot of people said that i need to move on, and that im way better without him. His current girlfriend called me a whore, for no apparent reason, i only done it with 1, and hes done it with 2. So i don't know what i exactly need advice on, but i just want to hear your opinions. If you want to see a picture of him, me, and his girlfriend, pm me.

[Chii]

All i know is that when i "lost it", i "lost it" to guy whom i was madly inlove with,

you should never regret that, you were in love with him, it's not like you were like, "hey that guy is hot, i'll lose it to him."


i personally don't think that this is the type of guy you'd like to be with...

- he hit you: it should never matter what the hell you do to him, he never should have hit you. a real man never hits a woman...plus if he did it once, he's most likely going to do it again...

- he does seem quite controlling: he doesn't let you do little things, he doesn't seem to care that you have a good heart and wanted to walk with that girl

- he blames you for his own insecurities: come on, everyone will think that someone out there is good looking even if they're with someone or if they've been truly in love with someone for most of their life...he shouldn't be such an ass about you thinking other guys are hot, it's not like you're all over them and plus, he should take into consideration that you chose him, not that hot guy.

- i think he talks sh*t about you: either that or his girlfriend is insecure about herself too, he may have told her you two had sex...or she's probably just trying to make herself look better than you

- you tried to fix things with him: yet he's still being a complete ass, he's being so immature with that "i'm not talking to you" bullsh*t. what if you two have a fight in the future, how are you going to fix it with no communication?

seriously sweets, your friends were right, you definately are better off without him. he brings nothing but trouble...stop blaming yourself for everything, it's not your fault.

i've been in relationships where the guy i was dating took control of me and wanted to know everything i was doing and who i was doing whatever with, and yada yada. i thought i was in love with him but you can't truly love someone who hurts you so much, you're significant other is supposed to bring more sunshine than rain.