Am i pathetic? Stupid?, Wanting an ex boyfriend back. LONG! Options

[HIMsHeartagram]

Hello CreateBlog Users,
This is Vicky. I recently made another post about my relationship. Boyfriend Help It explains how controlling he is/was and yada yada.

Heres the story. I'll say his name is "Adrian". Heh, dont ask.

Well "Adrian" and I went out since Sept 03, 2004, and we broke Feb 02, 2005. There was alot of negative and postive feelings involved. I don't know if you count sex as positive. All i know is that when i "lost it", i "lost it" to guy whom i was madly inlove with, and had no doubt we would break up. After i started being sexually active, Adrian and I would always have sex. He didn't want to be at my house because it was supervised, and he wanted to do it. I couldn't talk to any guys because he thought i was going to break up with him for whoever guy i was talking to, but if i was talking to his guy friends he wouldn't mind except for his best friend, which he thought i really liked. There was just alot of drama, he wanted to be with me alot but he had a band that he didnt go to because he wanted to be with me then so i guess i was comfortable with it, but not completely i insisted him to go but i would get mad, so there was trouble there. There was trouble when it was coming close to our relationship, he would be really mean to me, i admit i would hit him ONLY because he was being a jerk to me, he hit me back in the stomach (once), i didn't care, i was just really suprised by it. Its my fault for the break up because i told him that this one guy was hot and seemed like he would treat girls with respect, so he got mad, and then we had a fight about it, and told him that i really loved him alot. I guess i was being retarded there. Then after that, there was this one girl who wasnt safe walking down the hallway, so i told Adrian that, and he told if i walked with that girl, he would break up with me, so i picked her, and thats when we broke up. I tried talking to him during passing periods, but he wouldnt allow it, and got really frustrated because this guy meant alot to me, but i got to the point where i slapped him really hard, and just went to class crying in tears. Then when lunch came, i practically kicked his ass in front of his friends, and just made a fool of myself. Now that all that happened, i wish badly that it didn't happen, i wish that i can go back and find what went wrong. [Yes he told me that he will always love me if we ever do break up] But it was a different story when his ex called, he told her that he broke up with her to be alone but needed someone, and i was that someone.

I really love this guy, and its really hard for me to go anywhere in my town because im way to scared to see him or his family. i have so much shame and regret in me that its becoming unbareable. Alot of people said that i need to move on, and that im way better without him. His current girlfriend called me a whore, for no apparent reason, i only done it with 1, and hes done it with 2. So i don't know what i exactly need advice on, but i just want to hear your opinions. If you want to see a picture of him, me, and his girlfriend, pm me.

[HoodieObsessed]

Well, I'm not sure exactly how to help you on this manner...

Let's see....hmmm...without trying to sound mean or anything I jsut have to say that I don't think you sapping him (that is if you did it first...which I think you said you did) was really a great move. He might have been being a complete idiot but perhaps it would have been better if you just went hom eand let yourself cool down instead of going violent.

If you really love this guy, and want to make it up to him deffinitly say sorry for everything you did, and try to forgive what he did.

If you just want to get over it and move on than try to keep yourself busy, try not to let yourself run out of things to do, otherwise you'll just go into depression. Maybe you should tell some of your freinds aobut your relationship (unless you have already) to get some off your chest. Maybe you should tell your mom and dad...? But only if you're really close to them.

do you have any siblings that your close too? cause that can be a great way to vent as well.

I just find that saying my feelings outloud to someone really helps me, especially if they're close to me and they know how I feel.

I've never really been in a relationship like that so I'm afraid I'm not much help

Good luck and cheer up