Shyness Can Hurt, sequel to "Story of a Lonely Pinoy" Options

[Sinigang Master]

i am the same guy who made the long topic called, "Story of a Lonely Pinoy Boy" for any of you who read that. this is the "sequel" to that.

*this story is edited from the real thing a tiny bit.

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A New Year
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it was January. diane finally returned from the Philippines. she was still angry at me for what i did on Christmas Eve. besides that, nothing new happened...

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Forgiveness
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the month of March came. she finally forgot about what i did and we could start talking normally again as friends. although, i had problems keeping a conversation alive... they just died and i couldn't think of anything to say AT ALL. nothing to talk about, nothing new.

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Putting Change to the Test
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i made 2 friends at school. i always sat by them at lunch and starting talking to them more. i tried seeing if i could keep a conversation alive with them. they eventually died, and we just sat there looking at the table... i was afraid this might happen when i saw diane again someday.

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Jealously, Tuning Me into the Sea (hence Mr. Brightside)
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it was May. a couple, paul (a guy) and nico (a girl) broke up after a year at diane's school. paul was a good friend of diane in the beginning of 7th grade, but he went out with a girl (nico) she didn't like. nico eventually turned paul against diane, by him totally ignoring her. until this month, they broke up and paul is free. however..... paul began flirting with diane. this brought a strong feeling of jealously on me. ~ one party in June (i wasnt invited), paul danced with diane a few dances, he forced her on his lap, asked her out, and he kissed her on the cheek... i felt like CRAP when i heard of this. then i heard the whole story from diane herself, for i originally heard the story from nico. she said that, she danced with him because there was no one else to dance with, that he forced her on his lap, she turned him down, and she only kissed him in the cheek back because she didn't want him to feel bad... i heard the words, "It's too late now." ~ i felt better upon hearing this, but it didn't stop him from flirting with her on later events. until now, on AIM etc. he still flirts with her...

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Summer of Regret
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*from my last story i talked about the last time i saw her at a dance and i completely ignored her... it was one year later now and here's what is causing my sadness, and regret.

yesterday, June 23, 2005. diane invited me over to go ice skating with her and her cousins. i was in ecstasy when i heard this. i was able to spend the whole day with them. ~ we reunited at the front of an ice skating arena. i said "heyy!" with a smile on my face, and she said, "hi!" with the same facial expression. ~ we went inside. i didn't know how to ice skate so i was kinda nervous. i attempted to put on my ice skating shoes but i screwed it up. she did it for me. so, i got on that ice and started had trouble moving. her and her cousins could do this much better than me. they got ahead of me. i finally was able to catch up to their speed but i always had to move my feet instead of gliding. i fell down numerous times, all of which she asked if i was okay, which i was. we did a train but i had trouble holding on. after ice skating, we went to her house, which i've never been to. we had lunch but i couldn't eat at all... i was somewhat, nervous. (nervousness causes ur appetite to disappear) so, i was the only one on the table not eating, and not talking. i didn't know what to say, or what to add to whatever they were talking about. i began feeling... angry at myself. afterwards we watched a dvd. ~ we all just hung around that room after the movie. everyone was talking except me. i started getting a cold feeling, and messages in my mind saying, "Come on, talk now!!! This is the real thing!!! You will regret this until the next time!!!" even with those words being said in my mind, i still couldn't come up with anything AT ALL to say.

then i had to go home. my parents arrived. i was soooooo sad, angry, and filled with so much regret. as i was exiting her house, i said these last things to her, "Bye. Goodnight...", "Sorry i was so shy the whole time." and she smiled and i left...

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Upcoming Days
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i woke up this morning knowing that i did the same thing i did a year ago. i barely changed from being shy. i tried so hard not to be this way over the year, but i remained the the same... i tried socializing, making more friends, but it wasn't enough... i failed, yet again making my regret feel worse. i didn't learn from my mistake which makes me feel that, seeing he only once a year seems about right... but at the same time, i'd wish i saw her everyday. yet, knowing i wouldn't be able to talk to her... i'm lost...

i feel anger toward myself.
i feel sadness from what i didn't do.
i feel regret from my failure to talk and have more fun than what we just had.
I feel fear that she may see me as always being shy.
...


they're all broken memories...

[Sinigang Master]

thanks for the help.

i just came back from california from vacation so im feeling better now.