Your Eyes, another i need feedback |
 Jun 23 2005, 10:41 PM
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#1
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 Some 1 plz find me, help me find my way..my way bak 2 bliss  Group: Member Posts: 288 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,748  |
i feel like its missiing something.... feedback please
Your Eyes Have you ever look some one in the eyes? What did you see? I've looked you in the eyes I see somehting ive tried to hide As teared filled my eyes I noticed that in front of you I cannot cry I look down at the floor and try to be strong i try to run but you wouldn't let me i head for the door and you grab me by the hand that moment i realized what you ment to me in your eyes i saw everything i wanted i saw everything i need oh in your eyes i feel in love in love with your compasion in love with who you are and what you think of me that moment was bliss i wanted to hug you i wanted to kiss you i wanted to pour out my soul that moment i smiled i smiled for the 1st time in a million years in your eyes i see the wrold the sea a bright sunny day i see things i never thought possible your eyes are my hope i stare in your eyes and i ask my self why "why do i love you so?" "why do you do this to me?" "why your eyes?" |
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Jun 24 2005, 12:03 AM
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#2
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Wow. Brilliantly written. I think you could've improved the ending and made it less choppy so it wouldn't be so long, but other than that it's wonderful!
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Posts in this topic
LoST SouL Your Eyes Jun 23 2005, 10:41 PM
ChasingLife87 QUOTE(LoST SouL @ Jun 23 2005, 10:41 PM)I... Jun 23 2005, 10:44 PM
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