She Had To Die, Short Story Options

[Sa-Chan]

Story I wrote.

It's yet to be completed...and probably never will be.


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Understand that it is not that I hate her, and it is not so much murder as it is circumstance. You see, it cannot be murder if the victim is unknown to the killer. It is only murder if the killer takes their action out of spite. And I, my friend, feel no spite towards her. Infact, even on the day the plan hatched itself inside my weary brain I felt not even a small amount of spite...towards her. I simply felt the yearning for fulfillment.

I remember it well, the day that my exceedingly wonderous plan was formulated. I was simply laying in bed, exhausted by the toilsome day of school that I had embarked upon that day. I wanted nothing but rest. Ease. A simple moment of quiescence would have been enough.

Perhaps I would have had it, had my eyes not fallen upon the stain on my dresser cabinet. The dark, smoky gray stain, produced by billowing candle smoke, that plagued the smooth, white surface. I cringed. I had spent days trying to scrub the smoke stain off, and when that had failed, I had taken to scraping my fingernails against the wood until they bled, in a desperate attempt to dig the stain out. This had failed, leaving only thin, nail marks.

But it was the glimpse of that disgusting, repugnant stain that stirred the thoughts that had been floating around idly in my brain, into one single over-ruling thought. The girl had to die.

Again I state, it is not that I hate her, I could never hate someone I do not know. She has simply always been there, standing to one side of me at school. A stranger. An intruder. An outlander. We have never spoken a single hello to one another, much less anything else. She has just always been there, cluttering up the hallways, standing to close. Being to casual, with that overly friendly, obviously fake smile of hers. With those eyes that, more than likely, could shoot malicious arrows on will.

But I do not hate her, and what I intend to do is not out of spite, nor is it murder. It is merely circumstance. I feel certain that you agree, as I know that she would as well.


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Second segment added further down.

[KissMe2408]

Hey :) ok first of all, i think you shoud put all the new stuff into the original post, it would make it less confusing i guess.

After reading the first paragraph the first thing that came into my mind was Edger Allen Poe. A few years ago i had to do a short story like this and try to reflect his work, and i thinkyou did a good job :) The details certainly do paint a picture in your head lol. It keeps you reading on and on..Tho throughout the entire story, my fav part was when you simply started to describe what the girl looked like and what you as the narrator thought about her looks. That part was interesting, and how you worded it was good. Remember you want ur first sentence to draw the reader in. "She was not an exceptionally beautiful girl" good first sentence. As far as i could see you are a very talented writer :) Great first sentences, and drawing the reader in. Wonderful job at descriptions and all. Just lovely :) I wish ppl on cb would write more short stories, lol i do love reading them.
ah yes, and IF you are doing edger allen poe, then remember to really make it sound as if this person is mad. which ur doing a good job already, but really make it noticable in the 3rd segment that ur writing :) hehe