Reflection |
 Jun 14 2005, 07:39 PM
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#1
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 i'm such a sucker sometimes.  Group: Member Posts: 441 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,732  |
A cold and dusty mirror
With its faded, broken glass It holds many tragic secrets And has witnessed my dark past I look at my reflection And don't like what I see A lost and bleeding little girl Staring back at me Her eyes are cold and distant Her face is worn and gray She tries to tell me something But is not sure of what to say A painful silence greets me My blood is running thin I know that I can't help her I'm on the outside looking in Death is coming closer Dark shadows lurking near I quickly soothe my mind with lies And swallow all my fear I look at my reflection And don't like what I see A hollow, empty little girl Crying out to me |
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Jun 17 2005, 12:34 PM
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#2
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 hi, my name is brianna! =] Group: Official Member Posts: 5,764 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,114 |
I really like this poem! (=
Good job. But maybe you should take out the 'with lies' in that line. It sounds like there's just too many words. >< QUOTE I quickly soothe my mind with lies But it's still an awesome poem! <33 |
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Jun 19 2005, 01:02 AM
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#3
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
QUOTE(sweetxsimplicity @ Jun 17 2005, 11:34 AM) I really like this poem! (= Good job. But maybe you should take out the 'with lies' in that line. It sounds like there's just too many words. >< But it's still an awesome poem! <33  I think it should stay. I though that was a good line and if you read it in a certain rhythm it'll fit together better. Great job! Love your word choice and everything. |
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Posts in this topic
Midnight Faerie Reflection Jun 14 2005, 07:39 PM
lidoxangie thats really good, i like the flow of it . Jun 14 2005, 09:20 PM emzergirl Wow...that is really good. It makes you think. Goo... Jun 14 2005, 10:51 PM Midnight Faerie ^_^ thank you for the replies. that's nice of ... Jun 15 2005, 01:21 PM stephinika i agree, its well written and i love the concept b... Jun 15 2005, 07:22 PM Sa-Chan Very good. It's something a little bit of ever... Jun 17 2005, 11:46 AM
Midnight Faerie Hehe thank you. ^_^ And thanks for that advice. Jun 17 2005, 06:06 PM sunissed14127 Your really good. You know how to make words flow.... Jun 17 2005, 09:01 PM Midnight Faerie Hehe thankies. ^_^ You people make me feel special... Jun 19 2005, 05:14 PM tofuburger i loved it..i think it's great exactly how it... Jun 19 2005, 05:21 PM Midnight Faerie ^_^ Thank you. All of your comments have certainly... Jun 20 2005, 02:08 PM
danielle_x3 i love it! keep on writing ^_^ Jun 23 2005, 09:20 PM |
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