the boy and a bully |
 Jun 15 2005, 12:43 PM
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#1
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 =]  Group: Member Posts: 712 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,626  |
Removed
-Ryanoman |
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Jun 16 2005, 12:18 PM
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#2
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
That's not really a story at all. It's just like a bunch of bundled thoughts put together and it doesn't make sense to me. It's not beautiful or poetic when you try to explain what's going on, what people are negotiating. From what you've told us, this bully really has nothing to do with the boy and should not be considered a main character and yet the title is called "Boy and a Bully". What does this bully have to do with what caused the boy to die? Sorry, but this to me seems very incomplete. You need to weave things together to form at least a short story so the reader doesn't seem so confused.
 Maybe it's just me. 
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Jun 17 2005, 09:02 PM
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#3
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I love you <33333 Group: Member Posts: 2,928 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 30,404 |
QUOTE(AkaRyux @ Jun 16 2005, 11:18 AM) That's not really a story at all. It's just like a bunch of bundled thoughts put together and it doesn't make sense to me. It's not beautiful or poetic when you try to explain what's going on, what people are negotiating. From what you've told us, this bully really has nothing to do with the boy and should not be considered a main character and yet the title is called "Boy and a Bully". What does this bully have to do with what caused the boy to die? Sorry, but this to me seems very incomplete. You need to weave things together to form at least a short story so the reader doesn't seem so confused. Maybe it's just me.  I agree. Nice try, though. |
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Posts in this topic
ryanoman the boy and a bully Jun 15 2005, 12:43 PM
sweetxsimplicity Uhmm...sorry, but I don't really get the endin... Jun 17 2005, 02:04 PM Donavin You [blah], you didn't even explain why the bo... Jun 17 2005, 05:48 PM ryanoman Sorry... I guess it wasn't the best story... Jun 18 2005, 08:19 AM paul murphy Lmao
In his face!!!! Jun 18 2005, 08:32 AM yycleo Nice try. But what has the bully got to do with th... Jun 18 2005, 08:50 AM Statistik hahahahaah lmfao. Jun 18 2005, 12:03 PM
Paradox of Life QUOTE(Jason61992 @ Jun 18 2005, 11:03 AM)haha... Jun 18 2005, 12:22 PM XtasyHigh it says it's been removed. Aug 10 2005, 10:17 PM Azarel QUOTE(XtasyHigh @ Aug 10 2005, 8:17 PM)it say... Aug 10 2005, 10:19 PM |
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