Sex and Health Quandary, Open relationship and risky behavior Options

[madchenallein]

Hey,

I'm in an open marriage. My husband has permission to play around and, he says I can too, but I don't (I used to, but lost interest, got blood tested, got a clean bill of health and I am now monogamous). We live temporarily in a foreign country and recently my husband had a spur of the moment encounter (vaginal intercourse) with a woman from this country who was menstruating at the time. He did not use a condom. That is against the guidlines of our agreement and he apologized for it. However, we know nothing about this woman other than she is not married and approximately 28 years old. We don't even know her last name. My question is, as his wife of 7 years, is it unreasonable to insist he get bloodwork done and not have sex with him until his bloodwork comes back clean? What should I do. If you are willing to reply honestly to this post, consider including your age in your post please, all opinions are welcome.

Thanks.

[madchenallein]

I don't believe that a commitment to only one person and the exclusion of any other people in one's sex life are mutually exclusive. I think everyone expects a man to stop having sex with other women when he gets married and a woman is expected to stop having sex with other people when she gets married. These are assumptions though. But, who is to say what 'unfaithful' is? The definition of faithful (m-w.com) says nothing about sex. It says 'steadfast in affection or allegiance, loyal'. If a couple has an agreement with certain rules, then adherence to those rules on the part of each person means both are faithful. No matter WHAT the rules are. It's just that most couples consider sex with other people as unfaithfulness, and their rules are 'no sex with other people'. Cheating isn't when you have sex with someone you're not married to, that's adultery, cheating is breaking faith with your spouse.

Anyway, all that is neither here nor there. I think the bloodwork is in order, though I would not 'make' him do it, he has offered. What impresses me is, I wasn't there during this ocurrence, and he could have lied to me when I flat out asked him if he used protection, but he didn't.

That is what trust is about. That is commitment.