a poem, ala me |
 Jun 1 2005, 06:44 PM
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#1
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 Member  Group: Member Posts: 17 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 145,269  |
Just something I wrote one day in the gym during an exemption period during finals week. I'd like some constructive criticism please
 Untitled Within reach Right beyond my fingertips But the inches turn to miles When you just turn away I search for you in the crowd Your smile catches my eye But I fight to hold back tears When you just walk away I dream of your kiss Your arms wrapped around me But I wake breathless When you just slip away If I knew any better I wouldn't reach or search But I'm lost in your deep brown eyes When I find I just can't turn away Edit: Thanks ItzOnlySydney |
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| *stephinika* |
Jun 1 2005, 08:16 PM
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#2
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i like the idea and story behind it...simply written, but i like it. nice work.
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Posts in this topic
~*~nihil curo~*~ a poem Jun 1 2005, 06:44 PM
~*~nihil curo~*~ Thanks, most of my stuff is simple because usually... Jun 2 2005, 08:28 PM def_gn that's so good! I like it :) Jun 3 2005, 04:10 PM ~*~nihil curo~*~ Thank you Jun 3 2005, 05:10 PM ItzOnlySydney "your smile catches my eye?"
lovely poe... Jun 4 2005, 01:41 AM ~*~nihil curo~*~ That's good, I like, thank you Jun 4 2005, 12:48 PM Kathleen That's cute. Jun 6 2005, 12:58 PM
~*~nihil curo~*~ thanks Jun 6 2005, 10:59 PM |
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