Pull the trigger |
 Apr 29 2005, 08:08 PM
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#1
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Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 512 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 9,682  |
two plus two
doesnt always equal four theres more than meets the eye, 5 different types of sighs . one more way to die . drop the knife pull the trigger kiss my lips hold me closer . close my eyes, count to three, four more seconds till i die . walk around me once not twice now once more, make it thrice take your aim make it precise bang bang . my heart stops, the very one you broke . bang bang now i'm dead . you kno what? f**k what they said . yu should have told me you loved me instead. nine more f**king lives to live, one last heart to break . |
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| *islandgirl4eva* |
May 1 2005, 10:15 AM
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#2
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The "choppiness" of the poem adds to the edgy effect, in my opinion. It moves erractically...perhaps like you thoughts at that moment? You did really well. I quite enjoyed it. WRITE MORE!
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Posts in this topic
lidoxangie Pull the trigger Apr 29 2005, 08:08 PM
sadolakced acid very nice. it captures emotion nicely.
good job Apr 29 2005, 10:09 PM sikdragon could've flowed better, seemed choppy. Apr 29 2005, 10:55 PM
lidoxangie QUOTE(sikdragon @ Apr 29 2005, 10:55 PM)could... Apr 30 2005, 01:06 AM sikdragon then why not make it like the sea in the building ... Apr 30 2005, 07:36 AM x3__iGiVEup QUOTE"sea in the building of a storm and go a... Apr 30 2005, 11:14 AM sikdragon the sea gets choppier. Apr 30 2005, 11:22 AM lidoxangie ------ Apr 30 2005, 04:05 PM iNyCxShoRT oh one word: wow Apr 30 2005, 11:36 AM PinkTrash well done, i like it Apr 30 2005, 11:12 PM dELiRiOUS8o8 wow! :].. speachless May 1 2005, 12:53 AM sikdragon I write poems all the time and post them on here a... May 1 2005, 01:50 AM yukichan wow..that was really good..
nice job.. May 1 2005, 02:38 AM |
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