11 Years Old Options

[..:loveee.NuTTii]

It's my first time postin here....I'm nervous.
Anyway, it's this thing I wrote for one of my English homeworks and everyone liked it:

11 years old
Standing by the grave side
Watching everyone cry my flower away
Mines didn't even make it to the bottom
Before they started filling up the grave
I don't really think about it much now
But it still hurts when I see her face
And I was just 11

I went numb for some time
Afraid to heal, trying not to heal
It all just seemed too surreal
She was gone so I started acting dark
I snapped at my friends and cursed them all
One gets pissed, calls me a poser, and breaks away
Now we just don't talk at all
But then I was just 11

What hurt the most was noone told me
Daddy withdrew and mommy cried
And I got all dressed up that day
Trying to impress her
Only she wasn't there to see
Eyes closed, hands clasped
How could she go so peacefully
Knowing she left me behind
Now I'm not 11
And now I finally see

[Paradox of Life]

Crying when bambi's dad was shot does not.

Um, your whole post made absolutely no sense and it has nothing to do with the poem. I don't even think you know what you're talking about. And if she wanted to write it the way she did, that's her way of writing poetry. Basically you're just trying to get her to write like you. Constructive criticizm is where you actually say something about flow or rhyming. Deepness is entirely the author's decision. You've posted on one of my boards and you act like you know everything about poetry but you're just an annoying smartass.
And Bambi's mom got shot, not his dad. I saw the movie yesterday