Wandering, spirits, eyes souless and cold |
 Apr 29 2005, 02:55 PM
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you!  Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674  |
Wandering
The fog is dense, Gravestones scattered, Old and broken, Chipped and battered, A breeze across my ankles, Sent the lost spirits sad and haunting, Their eyes souless and cold, This life they're always wanting, While melancholy's all they hold, Forever deep within, Where once there was a heart, a soul, Of which they can't retrieve again. I don't think I did a particularly good job on this one, but I decided to put it up anyway. Critique and comments appreciated. |
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Apr 29 2005, 11:47 PM
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 Bardic Nation Group: Member Posts: 1,113 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 38,059 |
where's the rest of it? how did they get that way, why are they that way, will they be that way forever?
om gosh... that needs work. If you wanted just a powerful description you shouldn't have been so mellow. |
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May 1 2005, 09:46 AM
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#3
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My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
QUOTE(sikdragon @ Apr 29 2005, 10:47 PM) where's the rest of it? how did they get that way, why are they that way, will they be that way forever? om gosh... that needs work. If you wanted just a powerful description you shouldn't have been so mellow.  I probably should've posted earlier (gone Saturday, orchestra trip), but I know that perhaps I could've done better, but in a poem, you don't have to explain everything. Like xxcrazyjewxx said, there's no correct way to write a poem; it's just like an expression of feelings.. I've been told I'm not "aggressive" enough. I'll try to work on that. So I guess I can't always get positive feedback. 
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Posts in this topic
Paradox of Life Wandering Apr 29 2005, 02:55 PM
racoons > you its great. it gave me shivers. really excellent in... Apr 29 2005, 04:02 PM racoons > you ^
ever heard of subtlety?
your first line and a b... Apr 30 2005, 06:58 AM sikdragon Apparently you're in no position to judge me. ... Apr 30 2005, 07:28 AM Rachel is love ^There is no CORRECT way to write poetry. You can ... Apr 30 2005, 10:35 AM x3__iGiVEup i like it =) "A breeze across my ankles,... Apr 30 2005, 11:08 AM sikdragon advice and suggestions are the sole reason anyone ... Apr 30 2005, 11:09 AM islandgirl4eva I really like this piece. Again, you've done e... May 1 2005, 10:12 AM FoOd I like it. It makes me feel like I am in a grave y... May 1 2005, 10:22 AM sikdragon QUOTE^There is no CORRECT way to write poetry. You... May 2 2005, 02:11 AM
lidoxangie ------ May 2 2005, 02:18 AM sikdragon she did do a good job.
i advise you to get off y... May 2 2005, 03:00 AM |
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