createBlog Diary, version 4 Options

[*Azarel*]

Originally started by fathin_felix. Great idea.

Version2
Version3

Old one was 22 pages. Diary? Self-explanitory? I think so. Don't post in here solely to comment on someone else's day.. you can quote them, but don't make that your post.

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Dear createBlog Diary,
I suppose it's been a long while since I've really written anything. I still can't find the inspiration I once had. Just, sometimes, I miss writing. Makes me feel empty, yanno? Time to ramble on some more.

Last night, I felt utterly tired, for no reason. I mean, I'm on freaking spring break, I shouldn't feel tired of anything, really. But I realized I was. I was sitting here on the computer, with nothing to do, nobody to talk to, nothing to relate to. I hated that feeling of utter.. boredom. I still don't know why. I guess I still haven't grown out of the phase where I can't see past the monotony of life. It's almost over though, high school, I mean. More than halfway.

And I can't believe break is more than half over already too. It used to be that the days would drag by, but already, it's Thursday, and I have yet to accomplish anything. Party tomorrow night at Jenn's, and I kind of want to go. At the same time though, I don't. I guess I'm worn out at the moment.

There's nobody to call late at night anymore. People are in school, they have work, whatever. I don't like keeping people up if they have things to do the next day-- it makes me feel bad. And I've been waking up so late nowadays. It makes me feel like a lazy pig. I dunno. I suppose it's just me. Is all, for now. Until next time.
-Me.

[inthemudhole]

Hi.

I'm scaring myself.
Everything was going wonderfully, but something just hit me earlier tonight.
I'm going back to the way I was about a month and a half ago... The overly depressed stage of my life. The half-way suicidal stage in my life.

I don't have ANYONE to talk with... There's only one person, but he's gone right now... On a trip... He calls me, but I can't do this over the phone.
I just don't have anywhere or anyone to turn to.
He is the only one that knows my deepest, darkest secret. He is the only one that understands that secret of mine. He is the only one in my life that can relate to me in that sense... But he's gone until Monday. I can't wait that long. I've literally snapped.

I had stopped...Fine, I'll say it. I had stopped cutting for a few weeks, but I couldn't take it anymore. I did it last night... A lot.

Ugh, I just don't know what to do.

I'm a weak and selfish person.
I hate everything about myself.
I can't please myself or anyone else around me.
I'm losing friends.
I'm a horrible girlfriend.

I don't feel anything right now.
I'm just numb.
Nothing can touch me anymore.

I just don't know where to turn.
I don't want professional help or counseling, although that might help... I haven't tried that in a few years.
If my parents catch me doing anything, I'm sure they'd send me somewhere to get professional help.
I just want someone to talk to right now.
I miss him.
He's only been gone a few days, and he did call me earlier tonight, but I miss him.. It's easier to type this stuff to him rather than speak it to him. I can never manage to say things right.

Whatever.
I want to end it, yet I don't.

I just don't know who to turn to anymore..

What to do now...,

Brie