Wandering, spirits, eyes souless and cold |
 Apr 29 2005, 02:55 PM
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you!  Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674  |
Wandering
The fog is dense, Gravestones scattered, Old and broken, Chipped and battered, A breeze across my ankles, Sent the lost spirits sad and haunting, Their eyes souless and cold, This life they're always wanting, While melancholy's all they hold, Forever deep within, Where once there was a heart, a soul, Of which they can't retrieve again. I don't think I did a particularly good job on this one, but I decided to put it up anyway. Critique and comments appreciated. |
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Apr 29 2005, 04:02 PM
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#2
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 Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
its great. it gave me shivers. really excellent in that you can easily imagine the scene.
i also like the mix of assonance with true rhyme, it fits well with the 'chipped and battered' description. i would love to hear more from you! |
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Posts in this topic
Paradox of Life Wandering Apr 29 2005, 02:55 PM
sikdragon where's the rest of it? how did they get that... Apr 29 2005, 11:47 PM
Paradox of Life QUOTE(sikdragon @ Apr 29 2005, 10:47 PM)where... May 1 2005, 09:46 AM racoons > you ^
ever heard of subtlety?
your first line and a b... Apr 30 2005, 06:58 AM sikdragon Apparently you're in no position to judge me. ... Apr 30 2005, 07:28 AM Rachel is love ^There is no CORRECT way to write poetry. You can ... Apr 30 2005, 10:35 AM x3__iGiVEup i like it =) "A breeze across my ankles,... Apr 30 2005, 11:08 AM sikdragon advice and suggestions are the sole reason anyone ... Apr 30 2005, 11:09 AM islandgirl4eva I really like this piece. Again, you've done e... May 1 2005, 10:12 AM FoOd I like it. It makes me feel like I am in a grave y... May 1 2005, 10:22 AM sikdragon QUOTE^There is no CORRECT way to write poetry. You... May 2 2005, 02:11 AM lidoxangie ------ May 2 2005, 02:18 AM sikdragon she did do a good job.
i advise you to get off y... May 2 2005, 03:00 AM |
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