createBlog Diary, version 4 Options

[*Azarel*]

Originally started by fathin_felix. Great idea.

Version2
Version3

Old one was 22 pages. Diary? Self-explanitory? I think so. Don't post in here solely to comment on someone else's day.. you can quote them, but don't make that your post.

-----

Dear createBlog Diary,
I suppose it's been a long while since I've really written anything. I still can't find the inspiration I once had. Just, sometimes, I miss writing. Makes me feel empty, yanno? Time to ramble on some more.

Last night, I felt utterly tired, for no reason. I mean, I'm on freaking spring break, I shouldn't feel tired of anything, really. But I realized I was. I was sitting here on the computer, with nothing to do, nobody to talk to, nothing to relate to. I hated that feeling of utter.. boredom. I still don't know why. I guess I still haven't grown out of the phase where I can't see past the monotony of life. It's almost over though, high school, I mean. More than halfway.

And I can't believe break is more than half over already too. It used to be that the days would drag by, but already, it's Thursday, and I have yet to accomplish anything. Party tomorrow night at Jenn's, and I kind of want to go. At the same time though, I don't. I guess I'm worn out at the moment.

There's nobody to call late at night anymore. People are in school, they have work, whatever. I don't like keeping people up if they have things to do the next day-- it makes me feel bad. And I've been waking up so late nowadays. It makes me feel like a lazy pig. I dunno. I suppose it's just me. Is all, for now. Until next time.
-Me.

[Chii]

Why don't you get a pregnancy test?

if i had the 10 bucks to spare i would...


dear createBlog diary,

i don't know where my life has gone...it's like all of a sudden i just realized that the only person i really talk to is my boyfriend, my best friend barely gives half a sh*t about what i have to say. i hate the world today...i don't know who i am anymore...i used to be that sweet, shy innocent girl. now i'm just a b*tch... everything seems to annoy me, it's like my life has derailed except for a few train cars that are still intact.

i used to be such a good girl, i used to care about school. i've already read about things about life in the real world and it has opened my eyes but for some reason it isn't hitting me. i know that when we turn 18 our money plan will probably fall through. plus minimum wage will not cut it with the skyrocking price of rent and food when we're 18. but i don't know why i just don't care... i wish i didn't change and realize what a hole i'm in, and didn't realize what really happened between me and ________ when i was a litle girl that messed me up for life...

i hate feeling sorry for myself, there are other people in the world that i know have it a lot harder than i do...my life cannot even compare to how hard it is in thrid world african countires...getting raped everyday, prostituting for cab fare fpr a trip to college, getting mutilated, god...the world is such a sh*tty place...

i know i can do something about it but i just don't, that's the cause i want to stand up for, those people who don't deserve a sh*t life, they didn't make any mistakes, they don't deserve to live in fear everyday...maybe that will drive me to try to do better in life...they can't climb out of their holes but i can...

i've wanted to grow up so bad when i was little, but now it's just like a curse, like when snow white ate that beautiful, shiny apple the witch gave her...after you take a bite out of it, you realize it was nothing you thought it was...

i love spending time with johnny, he seems to be the only one who can truly make me happy again whenever i'm bogged down in so much sh*t...i can never thank god enough for bringing johnny to me.

much love,
M.L. x3

[silver-rain]

if i had the 10 bucks to spare i would...

Planned Parenthood gives free pregnancy testing...

Dear cb diary,
Today I felt more productive that I ever was. Woke up early, ran a bridle and did some sprints. But during that run, I felt really sick and bleh. And then I came home, saw the aftereffects of a car crash, and studied for my AP Spanish test.

But I didn't get to talk to Stephen that much today... Eh, he said he would call, but eh. I'm really afraid that I am caring way too much than he is, and that if I showed the same amount of care that he shows me, our relationship is going to get worse. I love him a lot, but sometimes I'm not sure how he feels about me. Sure, he says that he loves me, but where's the proof? He doesn't call or leave messages anymore, he doesn't write poems for me, draw me pictures, etc. He doesn't even make suggestions as to what to do. It's always me. And, it's not like he listens to me either. That day it was really nice and sunny? All we did was go to his place and I sat idly by as he tended to his fish. Then I had to go home... I had suggested going to the park, being more productive but no. He cared about his fish. Before he went away, he told me that he wanted to make sure that his fish were properly taken care of... I truly hope he doesn't put those fish above me.

We barely talk now too. On the phone, there's all those awkward silences. With those one word responses. I can tell that he was just waiting to stop talking to me. I guess this week away from me will be good for him. I hope that when he comes back, he'll appreciate everything I do for him, because sometimes I don't get that feeling. I know that I really do love him, I just want a sign from him that he feels the same way, or our relationship is going nowhere.