The Lonely Girl, The eerie night so full of despair... |
 Apr 6 2005, 06:19 PM
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#1
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you!  Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674  |
The eerie night so full of despair,
The night breeze blowing through her hair, The creaky swings are where she's found, The soft crying; the only sound, The park is empty, no one in sight, The lanterns shine dimly a light, The girl, her feet drag on the dirt, The eyes, they show of pain and hurt, The dress she wears is old and torn, The poor girl, she looks so forlorn, The girl, she sighs, so full of fears The girl, she turns and disappears. Critique appreciated. I usually don't make rhyming poems, so I may not be that good. |
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Apr 10 2005, 05:17 PM
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#2
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 ticktock. Group: Member Posts: 1,138 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 118,235 |
Nicely descriptive. Has an eerie touch to it. The repitition you used in the beginning of each line is a really nice touch.
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Posts in this topic
Paradox of Life The Lonely Girl Apr 6 2005, 06:19 PM
KissMe2408 Wow...i dunno why more people didn't respond t... Apr 7 2005, 03:24 AM Nicolatofu Wow, I love that this one rhymes. Very well done o... Apr 7 2005, 06:42 AM Paradox of Life Thanks. I'm glad I got positive feedback and t... Apr 7 2005, 03:52 PM stephinika nice wording i agree, very nice imagery too. it ju... Apr 8 2005, 11:46 AM islandgirl4eva You did really well on this poem. The rhyming sche... Apr 8 2005, 12:03 PM
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