Need to talk w/ BF about past, but need help! Options

[BohoPicnic]

Ok, lets start at the begining,

Last year I was very depressed (it was 8th grade), and I turned to the internet for comfort, and had a whole bunch of online friends from the same interactive site, etc. I had known these people [online] for about 2 years, and we got "close".

In the summer of '03 I had a crush on one of them, well call him "Eric". Eric lived in europe and is 4 years older than me. We were "best friends" online and being lonely, I got emotional atattched to him.

I had this weird dream where he dies, and woke up very upset and told him about it. I then told him my feelings for him. It was cool for a 12 year old me.

Anyway, skipping ahead, we went through some "hard times". Looking back its kinda of silly how dramatic everything but, we were "in love" and great fun online with many conversations over the coarse of a year. It wasnt real, and we both knew it sorta, but were both lonely etc.

My only two friends at school were very supportive of me and thought it was cool, but otherwise it was a secret.

In June 04 "Eric" and I "Broke up" even though we both agreed that we never were "bf/gf" or anything. I was very upset and cried for 2 weeks, when I met my now best friend Laura, and I became stronger and more social.

This year I am very happy, have a lot of friends, am popular - in the friends and nice person way, and everythings great. I had a REAL boyfriend "Isaac" from September - November 04 and he broke up with me, but I didnt care because it wasnt an ideal relationship.

I now have been going out with "Thomas" for 2 1/2 months, and at the begining I wanted to tell him about "Eric" to get it over with, but the chance never came up, and I am very embarrased about it.

I didnt think about "The Eric Problem" until two weeks ago when "Thomas" found a piece of paper containing my "Likes and Dislikes" in a magazine he borrowed from me. He asked me about "Thomas" and I told him a dumb lie that last year my female friend called her self "Eric", and he didnt buy it.

It was weird lying to him, I felt terrible, but I was REALLY scared that he would think I was weird or something.

I then started to think about how to water it down a little to save us both a little trouble like telling him that I felt bad lying to him and that "Eric" was just an online guy that I liked because I was lonely.. wont mention "Eric"s age or the "love" shit.

"Thomas" already knows that I was depressed and stuff last year.. but he doenst know about "Eric".

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut where emotionally I cant move foreword without telling him. We both really care about eachother, I'm his best friend, and we communicate great. Its the best thing thats happened to me this year.

So any advice about how I can get around to bringing it up, when, what I should tell him/ Not tell him. Im not to keen on telling him EVERYTHING, but just an outline w/o "love" would be ideal.

Im desperate. I hate lying, Im a very honest and loyal person.
Please help.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!
-Stuck in a Dodgy Rut

BTW: Im new here, I've been looking for an active forum like this - THANKS

[aera]

im sure he wont be mad if you tell him about eric. he'll understand.