scared of commitment, is anyone else sacred of committing? Options

[gohomejes]

i think i'm relationship retarded. no really guys.

is anyone here scared of commitment? or relationships?

i think i sort of am. i have met this wonderful guy over a year ago. we were together for a year..we broke up about a month ago b/c i said i couldn't do it anymore. i really loved him..love him, still do..like i am honestly hurting right now. i have been but i have just filled up my days so i dont have time to think about it. he cares so much for me..he loves me so much.

gosh..there were days we'd talk like 16 hours at a time. but you know..i like..being free? like i enjoy just going and reading a book or watching tv by MYSELF. just having alone time..i enjoy being by myself. he got annoyed with that b/c lately we have both been busy..mainly me and i did those times when we "could have been together" i like just going out with friends and not telling him everything i'm done..i like going out with my family..etc. just not having to tell him everything i am doing..when i'm doing it..with who..him getting upset if i talk about some guy joking around with me.

if something is wrong i dont like to talk about it RIGHT AWAY i want to have some time to just THINK and let it sink in. that drove him up the wall b/c he rather me tell him right away.

i wish i could be in a relationship where i could still love them but then not have to tell them every single thing and spend every single moment of my free time with them. does that mean i dont love the person? i dont think it does. now it sounds like i only want a person around when they are convenient. not true. ANYDAY i rather listen to J tell me whats wrong them me talking. i just enjoy listening and helping rather then burdening others with my crap.

so am i afraid of commitment? relationships? i really dont know. can anyone..sort of relate here? at all? i feel so stupid ;/

[wounded]

I'm commitment retarded. Seriously. I had some pretty major people in my life take my trust and rip it apart, and ever since then relationships suck for me.