are you nerdy? Options

[littlewhite]

out of curiousity, ppl said i am a nerd.

[aeroplanelogin]

OK, get ready for it... you may just want to skip this page because im about to vent alot of crap:

im in a bad place at the minute... mentaly. im 17 and just moved to a diffrent part of the country (i live in the UK). when i say bad place i dont mean im depressed and am having a bad time because i can only see the bad side of things, im really quite an optimistic person.

when i was a kid, i was the one who had alot of friends. i wasnet 'unluckly abnormal' in anyway i diddnt really stand out much aparty from i always had weird hair (real long or real short) i always thought i was an ugly kid but i diddnt stop me doing things i wanted. bottom line is i was smart but i was cool, genuienly cool. not the superfecial crap we are all being sold today by magasines and tv. and i loved it. i had a great time as a kid and up untill about a year ago shit was great. but after i moved away from the place i had spent my whole life evrething fell apart. ive been living here for a year and i dont have any real friends. i dont have any social life what so ever.

sure i know people at college we have laughs, smoke some weed at lunch, but thats where it stops. for some reason i just cant DO things. im seriousrley apathetic, almost chronicly... this is where the nerd stuff comes in, i would go as far to say its the reason for my current state of mind.

before i moved in my free time i dabbled in computer soft and hardware i got quite good nothing serious i learned some basic HTML made a crap website on geocities. but once i moved i dropped all the stuff i used to like doing and started staying in and stairing at this freeking monitor day in day out. its really sad. i feel wasted, i sit and do f**k all evreday. i dont even know what day it is and i dont cair, i have no reason to know the date because unless something amazing happens im stuck here.

this machine, this bastard peice of silicone has sucked me in to an easier way of life, one that reaps no rewards except financial stability. now before you go mad because i just said 'no rewards except financial stability' hold the f**k on. as all of you will hopefully know life is only worth sticking around in if you atcually live! and im blatently not. im f**king misirable and if i believed that this was all life could offer me i would already be dead. but i know thats a stupid way to think. but im getting sucked into the sad ass life of a nerd and i dont like it. i dont even know y im typing all this crap. i know that no matter how man people visit these pages, no-one will read this far down the page but im still typing, its half f**king 3 in the morning and im still typing... im so scaird but i dont know what of... ive no paranoia im not worried about dying or living to accheive no recognision. i just want to live, but im denied by my own lack of being... think about that, dont just skim over it or youll miss the point. i want a girlfriend i want to have sex, i want to get pissed, i want to injer my self in a stupid stunt for a adrenaline buzz. I WANT TO LIVE!!!

and the only thing that is going to give me that (except if someone comes looking for me) is electronic silence... complete electronic silence.... it would be amazing so primitave but so advanced, imagen the things we would re invent, things like culture and real work, not some indirect crap sat in a cube being told the world will change around me weither i will do any thing about it or not. i wana see something happen no technological feast could harbour. i want to see the true potential of the human race be expressed through something other than a stream of 1's and 0's. im sick of this crap giving me an excuse for living like a hermit in the middle of a city. i need to have a reason to persuade myself to act and not watch.

but i half hope that will never happen...

if you just read all that. you must either be paid to (hell know who would pay someone to but ya never know in the day and age) or something vaiugly similar to me.

good luck to you. your going to need it