help me figure this out?, me + this girl = ? Options

[sadolakced acid]

ok. so. let's go with some background.

i'm asian. she's asian. we have mostly the same friends.
yada yada, all that good crap about parents and gradeas and stuff usually associated with asian nerdiness.

so we start 9th grade. from the first day of school i think, dang she's hot, i should talk to her.

bleh bleh. i talk to her on AIM and between classes.
bleh bleh bleh. so i start liking her, right? ( in about a month) and then her friends would be like, are you ___? ___(her) talks about you all the time.

yea, so i figure she likes me.

so i deliberate whether to ask her out and all, and in the end not asking her out comes up as my choice, because our parents wouldn't let us go on any dates anyways, and 'going out' without actually going out anywhere is... kinda stupid.

ok, so i tell her this on AIM that day, except stupid me didnt' word it right and she thinks i was asking her out.

anyways: so she says yes and we do the whole hold hands/ walk to class thing in school.

which of course makes me like her more.

goes on for a month, she gets report card, and then breaks up with me. (dumps me, whatever you want to call it.)

(yes this is still background. )

her reason? her grades aren't good enough and i'm distracting her. bleh. stupid nerdy reason for you.

anyways; i got mad at that because she told all my friends she was going to break up with me before i knew. In fact, the way i found out was one of my friends told me "i'm sorry" BEFORE she(the girl) broke up with me.

(still background..)

yea so, i'm distraught, i still like her, she still wants to be friends.

(notice that about 2 months has gone by)

ok. so i'm angry at her so she kinda avoids me for a while.
bleh bleh bleh i'm not over her.

FF (fast forward) to end of school year.

yea i've gotten over her some, and then liked her a bit, etc.

this year ( sophomore) i finally go over her, and the realized what a bad friend she was, and told her i don't want to be friends anymore.

yada yada (still background) she gets mad at me, bleh bleh gets all our shared friends mad at me so i have to be friends with her again.

i have to admit i did want to be friends with her a bit, because i still kinda liked her. you know, where you still think someone's hot but you know they're terrible... no? oh well...

ok so then in about a month or so i tri y again, except this time i have a plan. since if i try to not be friends with her, all our shared friends will be like, GRR to me, i decide i'll make her mad at me and so then our shared friends can't say it's my faults... ok. so that doesn't work either, as they know it's me behind it.

(yes, that was background. quite long. i know. it's complicated?)

alright so:

now i sorta like her; but i wouldn't really care if she never talked to me again. however, if i try to never talk to her again, bad things will happen.

what the heck do i do?

[SimplicityGirl]

So let me get the story straight:

You and this girl are Asian, you like her, figures she likes you, but didn't want to start a relationship with her. But she took it as you want to start a relationship with her and said yes. After report card came out, she broke up with you because her grades slipped and she blamed it on you being a distraction to her. Then you guys were friends, but then you realized what a bad friend she was and decided to not be her friends. However, since you guys share many friends, you were forced to be her friend. And this time around, you decided to make her mad so that all of your shared friends would not be mad at you for not being her friend.

And you don't like her in that way anymore; you don't care if she never talks to you again. But on the other hand...if you try to never talk to her again, bad things will happen, which, I'm assuming, would be all your shared friends being mad at you.

If I were you, I would have a talk with the girl, and tell her exactly how you feel about this on and off friendship between you two. Also, I would do it with the shared friends present; tell them that you consider them good friends, but that you don't want them to side with either one of you because it's really putting on a strain on your friendship with them. I would try being neutral towards the girl; just treat her as you would any other classmates; it can be hard at times because she WAS your gf, and from what you're telling us, it sounds like you're still attracted to her, but just try to be neutral about it. Maybe you should let her take the first steps and see what goes from there.

Good luck!