suicide Options

[La_b0mBe]

Sometimes I get really depressed feeling because of lots of stuff in my life. And because (I don't know why) I think I'm really ugly. Also I always think people are talking about me and my mom thinks I have Obsessive Compulsive disorders and like I dunno. But I'm just wondering If anyone here has ever tried suicide, because I cut my wrists one time, and I know its stupid, I'm just curious.

[antix10_kos]

have i ever tried to kill myself??

yes, 3 times.
-once in 7th grade (i took about 50-100 tylenol pms. i didn't die, i just slept a really sound sleep for about 20 hours. then i woke up and my mom drove me to school and told me not to call her, she wasn't gonna come get me, no matter how sick i was. i threw up for about 3,4 days after that. and i had horrible dreams.)

-once in 9th grade ( i took a half a bottle of tylenol and half a bottle of vicodan. once again, i got really sick. the only difference was i stayed home from school for 3 days that time cuz i had trouble staying awake.)

-once in 11th grade (this time, i don't even remember what i took or how much of it i took. i just opened the med cabinet and started taking stuff. i passed out downstairs, where my friend who staying with us, found me and slapped me til i woke up. when i woke up, we played Warcraft and then we went to McDonald's. the next two weeks were a blur. the only thing i was vaguely aware of was the fact that her bf cheated us out of Tool tickets. the bastard.)

i have severe social anxiety disorder and i'm manic-depressive. i didn't find out any of this until i was a senior in high school and my mom was hospitalized with mental problems. she was tested and it was found out that she was manic-depressive. then the doctors tested my sister, her kids, and myself. i am the only one who inherited it, it seems....

don't try suicide, it doesn't solve problems, it creates them. work through your problems and try hard everyday to find something worth living for. i found that music really helps me through the bad times. maybe music will help u, maybe it's drawing or playing games or a friend that u love or a pet....i don't know. all's i can say is don't kill yourself. you'll hurt more people than u ever know if u died. u may think that no one loves u but there is someone out there, even if it's only one person, who would probably be very devestated if u were to try suicide and actually succeed. experts say that right before a suicide person dies, they wish desperately to be alive. i know that is true. all three times, when i felt it all closing in, i said "i don't really want to die. i just want this pain to end."


ps---don't tell me that what i did was wrong, that i am going to hell or anything like that. i have sat through many years of therapy for my problems and i don't believe in God. so please, if u have anything like that to say, then please keep it to yourself. i know that some will find i wrote about absolutely abhorrent. that's ok. i don't judge u, so please do me a favor and don't judge me.