disappointments Options

[xj_liana_tx]

my life is just full of disappointments, it's like some people (like god) is playing a joke on me. i try to be content and think positive, but it's just so hard to do, especially right now. two of the most important events of the year were yesterday and today. yesterday was our NFL(national forensics league) districts, and i've been looking forward to it ever since i found out about it. i've been practicing ever since and i started to pray for myself to go to nationals and to prove myself to others (especially my parents). I was at my rounds and i did my best, i thought that i would AT LEAST get into semi-finals. But when they posted the results for yesterday, i got eliminated right after the preliminary rounds... i just stood there in disbelief.. i mean.. i've made it to FINALS in EVERY SINGLE TOURNAMENT! And the people who usually didn't make the prelim made it to the next round while i was one of the few who got ELIMINATED. I mean.. i just stood there.. i was sweating and i felt like crying really bad, but i had to hold it. I just don't get it... the people in my rounds.. BROKE THE RULES of the event big time, and they were still in. it's just... so not fair (yes.. life is not fair blah blah blah)! So i went home, and i called my best friend, and i cried for a full hour till my phone was all wet and she was being supportive. I had to sleep in the dark by myself because my parents weren't back. The next morning, i got up and felt a little bit better, until... that is, my parents asked me about how it went. i told them and i started to cry again, and my parents were just being really unsympathetic. my dad was just going "Well you can't blame anyone except for yourself because i never saw you practice... see that's why i tell you to memorize the sat vocabs so you don't cry when you take the sats... you have really low emotional IQ, how can you cry at something like this? You can't take on anything.. how do you expect to be a leader if you cry over something so little?" and just things along these lines.. i mean, i started to cry more after it, because these are the LAST thing i need at the moment. and... little?? how can you call something little when i spent so much time working on and stressing about for the past 2 months? Something that i really want, i really want it that i am willing to sacrifice things for? So i also had my solo/ensemble festival (music competition) today, and i thought if i make it to state in that, i might feel better. I got there, and we played, i did my best, but my partners got some notes wrong, so i was praying for the judge to have mercy on us. then i got the result.. we got a 2 (the best score was 1, you need a 1 to go to state), and... suddenly, i just felt like crying again because .... the two things i really cared about just... they were gone... just like that... and now all i have is my homework and some tests coming up. i can't even concentrate.
i don't think that i've ever been so disappointed in my life.

well, that's my biggest disappointments..
what are yours?

[xj_liana_tx]

Are you telling me, even though your " only a child "  .. does that mean your dad has the right to abuse for who you are, and mentally abuse. that's outrageous !

i know that sometimes he just... doesn't choose the right words, and a lot of time i feel really hurt because of the things he say, but i can't blame him. no matter what he is still my dad, and he does want what's the best for me. last year, my dad was rushed to EMS because a virus was found in his heart, and he also has diabetes, so it really makes me appreciate him more, and i just really don't want to let him down and the last thing he needs is me blaming him and make him angry. when he is really angry at me, he tells me that if he dies because i've been making him so angry, and he tells me that because of his age and everything... he says that he won't... i mean, i'd rather he just keep taking it out on me instead of talking about his death, it just.. well i am off topic.
so, the reason why they are often angry at me is because they invested so much in me, and they really wouldn't like it if i give their hopes up and become the biggest disappointment in their lives.

lately--ive been crushing HARD on this kid. and i thought that he liked me back, so i told him how i felt, and i was wrong. he doesnt. =\

same here, last week my friend told my crush about me liking him and she kept on asking him how he feels about me, i just ran off because i don't want to hear what else he has to say after he said "No." that was a disappointment because he's actually given me a lot of hope, well, now i know.