disappointments Options

[xj_liana_tx]

my life is just full of disappointments, it's like some people (like god) is playing a joke on me. i try to be content and think positive, but it's just so hard to do, especially right now. two of the most important events of the year were yesterday and today. yesterday was our NFL(national forensics league) districts, and i've been looking forward to it ever since i found out about it. i've been practicing ever since and i started to pray for myself to go to nationals and to prove myself to others (especially my parents). I was at my rounds and i did my best, i thought that i would AT LEAST get into semi-finals. But when they posted the results for yesterday, i got eliminated right after the preliminary rounds... i just stood there in disbelief.. i mean.. i've made it to FINALS in EVERY SINGLE TOURNAMENT! And the people who usually didn't make the prelim made it to the next round while i was one of the few who got ELIMINATED. I mean.. i just stood there.. i was sweating and i felt like crying really bad, but i had to hold it. I just don't get it... the people in my rounds.. BROKE THE RULES of the event big time, and they were still in. it's just... so not fair (yes.. life is not fair blah blah blah)! So i went home, and i called my best friend, and i cried for a full hour till my phone was all wet and she was being supportive. I had to sleep in the dark by myself because my parents weren't back. The next morning, i got up and felt a little bit better, until... that is, my parents asked me about how it went. i told them and i started to cry again, and my parents were just being really unsympathetic. my dad was just going "Well you can't blame anyone except for yourself because i never saw you practice... see that's why i tell you to memorize the sat vocabs so you don't cry when you take the sats... you have really low emotional IQ, how can you cry at something like this? You can't take on anything.. how do you expect to be a leader if you cry over something so little?" and just things along these lines.. i mean, i started to cry more after it, because these are the LAST thing i need at the moment. and... little?? how can you call something little when i spent so much time working on and stressing about for the past 2 months? Something that i really want, i really want it that i am willing to sacrifice things for? So i also had my solo/ensemble festival (music competition) today, and i thought if i make it to state in that, i might feel better. I got there, and we played, i did my best, but my partners got some notes wrong, so i was praying for the judge to have mercy on us. then i got the result.. we got a 2 (the best score was 1, you need a 1 to go to state), and... suddenly, i just felt like crying again because .... the two things i really cared about just... they were gone... just like that... and now all i have is my homework and some tests coming up. i can't even concentrate.
i don't think that i've ever been so disappointed in my life.

well, that's my biggest disappointments..
what are yours?

[*salcha*]

wow, i hope you feel better :/
i know, my biggest disappointment right now is probably my social life. im always so locked up, all my best friends turned away from me. Since I'm at a new high school with nobody I know, I still don't have any friends there. (and it's March, sad..). So I turned to church where my friends cared a lot about me. But now, it's all a disaster now. A girl who I used to be best friends with now hates me for who knows what. I guess she found better people to hang out with other than me...she doesn't even talk to me now, ignores me on purpose, and she even kicked me, she makes it look accidental, but I know it was on purpose.

So yeha, life is unfair. Today when I was washing my mom's car, I climed onto the roof and just soaked up the sun. It made me feel so much better, the sun..flowers...yeah, life.