a crappy situation Options

[subzero]

ok, this all started back in August 2004. Me and my youth group for church went to summer camp for a week. There is this one girl Jordyn, didnt really start noticing her till about the third day. (Btw i am a soph in high school and her a frosh) But when i started to like her, i liked her, not a little crush...full on "OMG I WANT YOU". Being as she was one of the first person(s) u could see myself with i couldnt say if it was love or nething. NEways, i kept a distance and jsut watched her. Her cousin Lauren (a senior) and I became VERY VERY close friends, we never left eachothers sides. She was an awesome friend and i kinda used her to get to know Jordyn better. I tried to keep minimal contact with Jordyn as to not piss her off(annoy her) but not ignore her.

Well, its kinda a tradition that while all the guyz in the cabin are layin down w/ the lights off we kinds just talk, guy talks. About girls, sports, most guy stuff. Well, since everybody knew that i liked Jordyn, that was the topic of the night. A junior named Brandon was cool w/ me and had gotten to know Jordyn since we got to camp. He asked me if he wanted him to talk to her for me (put in a good word kinda stuff) I was like yea, (i told him not to push the subject as to blow anything). Well, I started to get to know her more and more and became friends(not the kinda bond me and Lauren had, but friends) (Also note...nobody had the intenntion of me and lauren having feelings for one another, everybody knoew where we stood etc..) neways, so yea im getting to know her and i notice that Brandon is being kinda flirty, didnt think much at first, thought it was weird but i brushed it off. Well, soon i see them really touchy-feely and all over eachother(no making out or nething just really, REALLY, flitry) So this pisses me off, kinda felt like i got stabbed in the back

Well, it was raining outside and so they played "Finding Nemo" in the theatre place, there was a new guy in the scene, Tony. He had been flirty but I was too pissed at brandon to see any of a threat from tony. Well during the movie, they were both laying under a blanket, i see movement etc, at this point i just break. I mean, like heart shattered etc...(like i said b4, it wasnt a crush where i would have brushed it off, it was a powerfull feeling i had for her) i found out later that he "forced" himself on her, but this was after all the heart breaking. Well, soon enough she finds out, i get a note "well, your cool, but i dont feel that way etc..." typical rejection letter, no biggie, i had already been broken, it didnt really bother me at this point.

After we got home, i was sad for about a week or 2, so i just supressed the feelings i had for her and dismissed them. Brandon turned out to be an a**hole and she got all mad over him, and they "broke-up" or w/e they had so it gave me some closure .We all go to the same youth group on tuesday nights so we see eachother all the time. I had no special feelings at this point, i was all fine and dandy, just friends.

But this is where it got weird. This past weekend we went up for winter camp. nothing special hapened to provoke it it, it just surfaced all of a sudden out of nowhere. All of the feelings i had supressed and pushed away about 7 months earlier surfaced. There was no explanation, just all of a sudden they were there.
I tried to do it again, but the feeling are waaaaay stronger then they were before. I cant get her out of my mind. I look at like the cutest girl at my school, or the nicest. But i cant see myself being with neone but her. Nomatter what situation i put myself in with another girl in my mind, the only thing that works is her.


.....help me out, my hair is turning gray over this

[dancingkait]

if you still want to go for it, just become friends with her. but i wouldnt get your hopes up for anything happening. if she's already said no once then theres still a chance she'll say no again. but just be yourself, be funny and generous and sincere. dont force anything on her. if she feels rushed she might back off and that could totally ruin any chances!