Fighting for his attention Options

[ladystarr]

I love my boyfriend a lot and I know he loves me too, but our lives are so busy that sometimes I feel ignored. Some info about us...we've been going out for about a year now we're both 20 turning 21 this year. I live with two roommates, while he still lives with his family. Unfortunately, his mom passed away a couple months ago so his family is important to him (they're important to me too!), but its hard for us to make alone time together. Here's a peek at our schedules:

mon/tues/wed: work, summer school (evening class), then he goes home to take care of his family and I go with him to help them out too. We do homework and just chill at home with his sisters (age 4 and 17). Their dad works the graveyard shift so my bf is the man of the house and can't really go out those days.
^ For mon/tues/wed I UNDERSTAND that we can't have that alone time and I'm okay with spending time with his family.

thurs: we both work, go home our separate ways and then go out with FRIENDS.

fri: His day off and he does his homework and I'm working, but I get off at 4pm. SO WHY NOT SPEND ALONE TIME TOGETHER? I don't know...help!

sat: My day off and I do my homework. AND his dad has a day off. SO WHY NOT SPEND ALONE TIME TOGETHER? I don't know...help!

sun: we both work, spend family time & do homework.

Am I being selfish? even if it was just for two hours on a fri or sat? We always have this argument that I DON'T UNDERSTAND his situation, when I ALWAYS try to help his family out too. Maybe its cuz he still lives with his family and I'm independent. Even though we basically have the same schedule, I feel like I have more time on my hands because I don't have my own family to worry about. I guess he feels like his family deserves ALL his attention and to me I feel like I get the leftover attention. Like if I want to spend time with him then I have to spend it with him and his family or with him and our friends. It just never is...US TWO.

[left_alone]

Why doesn't anyone get this? I have told many people over and over about this one magical word: Talk.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. It's not good to keep things bottled inside of you. When you tell him how you really feel - then you can discuss having alone time.

It can be hard for your boyfriend since his mom passed away. Guys don't really like to show that they are feeling down. This could be why he is so involved with taking care of his family. Comfort him more often and re-assure him that his family will be alright. After this bad period in his life is over, I'm sure he will be more commited to spending time with you.

Yes, it does seem akward that on Friday and Saturday you two don't spend time with each other. That's why you need to talk to him.
It's just another dis-advantage of living with your boyfriend.

good luck. love can be tough.

[Smilessss]

hmm..datz actually happen to me ryte now... i onno..y dont yoo call him and stuff to ask him if he wants to hang out on fri and sat "alone"? datz wat i did...and yeah it sumtimes works out...lol...

[enyceXaddiction]

no its not selfish AT ALL. you just want to spend more time with your bf. give it some time. since his mother passed away its must be REALLY HARD for him. and you've obviously done whatever you can for both him and his family so that just shows how a genours gf yyou are. he'll come around and return the favor if not you have to have a serious talk.

[SpedMonkee]

thats pretty much the same way it is for me a nd my gf right now, just not the same situation..

when i told her how i felt she said "we dont have to spend every waking moment together" when all i was talking about was maybe once a week...

i dont believe its selfish at all.. seriously tell him how you feel, no matter how cliched that might sound..

[steezahh]

you probably already do this. but every minute he's free spend time with him. talk to him. even if you cant see him everyday. just text message a little note that he'll remember you by. hope this helps.

[--x who0ps]

erhmm welll..
why dont you ask him to go out with you on those 'free days' ?
or ask him what he's doing or wtevr.

and for the 'leftover attention' or something, you should seriously talk to him about it.
but i kind of get where he's coming from cause likee, my family's kind of tight too&if someone died, id even skip school to take care of the family. and im 13. and im the youngest.
so he does have 2 sisters, and it must be really hard on them.
im not taking sides or anything, im jst showing you the other side. incase you havent seen it. or wtevr.
well i think that family is the number one priority and friends&other stuff are second.
family will be there forever, friends, on the other hand, will not.
perhaps he thinks that too. jst a thought.
hope i helped. best luck to you. (:

[technicolour]

Whoever said TALK! is a genisus. You really should just talk to him about it.

[ladystarr]

thanks for all the advice guys! we did talk and there were a lot of tears, but everything is fine for now. We're both in college and we basically have 2 years left. He's just trying to spend as much time with his family as possible before he moves on with his life. In two years he might find a job somewhere far away from them or we might move closer to my family. But yeah, he broke down...and told me that he regrets not spending enough time with his mom while she was still alive...He told me he's scared of losing me 'cuz I'm looking for something he can't give me right now, which is the time and attention I want, but I wouldn't break up with him because of that I love him too much. So I figured that we're still young, we're still in school and until we both graduate...family will be most important.

So on Friday...(7/2) I slept over at his place and then after work on sat (7/3) I cooked dinner and we spent a good couple hours together. Everything worked out...=)

[SpedMonkee]

glad to hear it