the boy and a bully |
 Jun 15 2005, 12:43 PM
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#1
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 =]  Group: Member Posts: 712 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,626  |
Removed
-Ryanoman |
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(1 - 11)
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Jun 16 2005, 12:18 PM
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#2
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
That's not really a story at all. It's just like a bunch of bundled thoughts put together and it doesn't make sense to me. It's not beautiful or poetic when you try to explain what's going on, what people are negotiating. From what you've told us, this bully really has nothing to do with the boy and should not be considered a main character and yet the title is called "Boy and a Bully". What does this bully have to do with what caused the boy to die? Sorry, but this to me seems very incomplete. You need to weave things together to form at least a short story so the reader doesn't seem so confused.
 Maybe it's just me. 
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Jun 17 2005, 02:04 PM
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#3
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 hi, my name is brianna! =] Group: Official Member Posts: 5,764 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,114 |
Uhmm...sorry, but I don't really get the ending..
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Jun 17 2005, 05:48 PM
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#4
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 51 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,608 |
You [blah], you didn't even explain why the boy died and there was little to no detail. I hope your not in grade 6+, because I'd love to see your English grades.
[don't try so hard to be mean- Fae] This post has been edited by uninspiredfae: Jun 18 2005, 03:48 PM |
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Jun 17 2005, 09:02 PM
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#5
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I love you <33333 Group: Member Posts: 2,928 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 30,404 |
QUOTE(AkaRyux @ Jun 16 2005, 11:18 AM) That's not really a story at all. It's just like a bunch of bundled thoughts put together and it doesn't make sense to me. It's not beautiful or poetic when you try to explain what's going on, what people are negotiating. From what you've told us, this bully really has nothing to do with the boy and should not be considered a main character and yet the title is called "Boy and a Bully". What does this bully have to do with what caused the boy to die? Sorry, but this to me seems very incomplete. You need to weave things together to form at least a short story so the reader doesn't seem so confused. Maybe it's just me.  I agree. Nice try, though. |
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Jun 18 2005, 08:19 AM
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#6
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=] Group: Member Posts: 712 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,626 |
Sorry... I guess it wasn't the best story...
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| *paul murphy* |
Jun 18 2005, 08:32 AM
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#7
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Lmao
 In his face!!!!
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Jun 18 2005, 08:50 AM
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#8
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 230 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 147,789 |
Nice try. But what has the bully got to do with the boy. This gave me some thought. It can be a good story or poem. But you would need to refine it.
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| *Statistik* |
Jun 18 2005, 12:03 PM
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#9
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hahahahaah lmfao.
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Jun 18 2005, 12:22 PM
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#10
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My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
QUOTE(Jason61992 @ Jun 18 2005, 11:03 AM) hahahahaah lmfao. Jason, you aren't much better. I think the author needed constructive criticizm, not that useless post. You shouldn't be so rude and obnoxious. Edit// QUOTE(paul murphy @ Jun 18 2005, 7:32 AM) Lmao In his face!!!! Ugh, you too. |
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Aug 10 2005, 10:17 PM
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#11
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 82 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,273 |
it says it's been removed.
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| *Azarel* |
Aug 10 2005, 10:19 PM
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#12
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QUOTE(XtasyHigh @ Aug 10 2005, 8:17 PM) it says it's been removed. ..... There was no point in bringing back this thread.  Shame on you.
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