Log In · Register

 
Reflection
Midnight Faerie
post Jun 14 2005, 07:39 PM
Post #1


i'm such a sucker sometimes.
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 441
Joined: Jun 2005
Member No: 151,732



A cold and dusty mirror
With its faded, broken glass
It holds many tragic secrets
And has witnessed my dark past
I look at my reflection
And don't like what I see
A lost and bleeding little girl
Staring back at me
Her eyes are cold and distant
Her face is worn and gray
She tries to tell me something
But is not sure of what to say
A painful silence greets me
My blood is running thin
I know that I can't help her
I'm on the outside looking in
Death is coming closer
Dark shadows lurking near
I quickly soothe my mind with lies
And swallow all my fear
I look at my reflection
And don't like what I see
A hollow, empty little girl
Crying out to me
 
 
Start new topic
Replies (1 - 13)
akjsd
post Jun 14 2005, 09:20 PM
Post #2


Senior Member
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 512
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 9,682



thats really good, i like the flow of it .
 
emzergirl
post Jun 14 2005, 10:51 PM
Post #3


Member
**

Group: Member
Posts: 15
Joined: Jul 2004
Member No: 35,979



Wow...that is really good. It makes you think. Good job and keep expessing yourself!
 
Midnight Faerie
post Jun 15 2005, 01:21 PM
Post #4


i'm such a sucker sometimes.
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 441
Joined: Jun 2005
Member No: 151,732



^_^ thank you for the replies. that's nice of you to say so.
 
*stephinika*
post Jun 15 2005, 07:22 PM
Post #5





Guest






i agree, its well written and i love the concept behind it. keep up the great work! _smile.gif
 
Sa-Chan
post Jun 17 2005, 11:46 AM
Post #6


Crying Behind Blind Eyes
****

Group: Member
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,967



Very good. It's something a little bit of everyone can understand. It's a very skillfully written poem. Keep up the good work.
 
sweetxsimplicity
post Jun 17 2005, 12:34 PM
Post #7


hi, my name is brianna! =]
*******

Group: Official Member
Posts: 5,764
Joined: Jun 2004
Member No: 22,114



I really like this poem! (=
Good job.

But maybe you should take out the 'with lies' in that line. It sounds like there's just too many words. ><

QUOTE
I quickly soothe my mind with lies


But it's still an awesome poem! <33
 
Midnight Faerie
post Jun 17 2005, 06:06 PM
Post #8


i'm such a sucker sometimes.
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 441
Joined: Jun 2005
Member No: 151,732



Hehe thank you. ^_^ And thanks for that advice.
 
sunissed14127
post Jun 17 2005, 09:01 PM
Post #9


I love you <33333
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,928
Joined: Jul 2004
Member No: 30,404



Your really good. You know how to make words flow. Great poem.
 
Paradox of Life
post Jun 19 2005, 01:02 AM
Post #10


My name's Katt. Nice to meet you!
*******

Group: Member
Posts: 3,826
Joined: Jan 2005
Member No: 93,674



QUOTE(sweetxsimplicity @ Jun 17 2005, 11:34 AM)
I really like this poem! (=
Good job.

But maybe you should take out the 'with lies' in that line. It sounds like there's just too many words. ><
But it's still an awesome poem! <33
*


I think it should stay. I though that was a good line and if you read it in a certain rhythm it'll fit together better. Great job! Love your word choice and everything.
 
Midnight Faerie
post Jun 19 2005, 05:14 PM
Post #11


i'm such a sucker sometimes.
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 441
Joined: Jun 2005
Member No: 151,732



Hehe thankies. ^_^ You people make me feel special. And yeah, I used "with lies" to make it flow in a particular rhythm.
 
tofuburger
post Jun 19 2005, 05:21 PM
Post #12


Senior Member
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 353
Joined: Dec 2004
Member No: 72,749



i loved it..i think it's great exactly how it's written =)
 
Midnight Faerie
post Jun 20 2005, 02:08 PM
Post #13


i'm such a sucker sometimes.
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 441
Joined: Jun 2005
Member No: 151,732



^_^ Thank you. All of your comments have certainly made me feel better about my writing.
 
*danielle_x3*
post Jun 23 2005, 09:20 PM
Post #14





Guest






i love it! keep on writing ^_^
 

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: