go ahead read then criticize, tell me the truth. is it good or bad? |
 May 24 2005, 07:19 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 78 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,678  |
hey pplz! here's mai poetry. idk if their good or not. i think their okay. mai friends tell me its good but i mean their mai friends. they don't wanna say nething mean to me. i think the first one is the best. so here's mai poems. go ahead read and tell me wat u think
What Is Done Is Done If I could just take back what I just said Turn back time and just revisit the past Undo all the things I did, clear my head Rethink everything slowly, not fast The feeling of regret bothers me so If only I could have another chance But this is a thought that’s hard to let go Wished I could have planned my life in advance But the problem is, time can’t be reversed Once it is done, it can never be changed Let time be, let the human heart be nursed Let all the good feelings be rearranged The one thing I never wanted to do Is to somehow be the one to hurt you Love At First Sight Oblivious of each other at first The two never noticed one another Did not know the feeling their heart thirst Until the day when they met each other Both never believed in love at first glance Thought it only happened in fairy tales Never had experienced true romance Too afraid of getting too entailed But as their eyes locked on to each others They stood there, and held a never ending gaze Knew right then, they had to be together Until the end of their sad final days Could this really be true love at first sight Or just a dream made up at night? Loving You I can never ever felt this way before I can not explain what I am feeling This ache in my heart is hard to ignore I just want to jump and touch the ceiling Everytime I see your friendly face My heart just stops, it just skips a beat Think about it, I gaze into space Having you with me makes my life complete Your everything I want and would need Your absolutely perfect for me I want you more than ever yes indeed Always together in eternity I’m trying to say that I love you so So much that you would never know Lies You’ll never know the damage that you have done You’ll never see the tears that I cried Never knew I’ll be hurt by my loved one Even after the day that I had died I was dumb, believed all the things you said Realized they were lies, no truth behind them I love you forever that’s wat u said Lie deceit lies, I thought I was your gem I gave you mai heart, showed you mai feelings But you never treadted me the same way. Just threw me out like potato peelings I don’t care no more, don’t care what u say Don’t care, u hurt me so much already Wish we’ve never even gone steady |
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May 24 2005, 07:28 PM
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#2
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
well first things first you poems are really good but just in my point of view the rhyme scheme seems a little off to me, and surely you can use or rearrange words so that it sticks to the topic of the poem, in some cases you seem to be jumping off and on on the subject but thats just me
 but anyways i like your first and last one i thought they were really good and catches alot of feelings ! good job 
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May 24 2005, 07:47 PM
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#3
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 78 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,678 |
hey thanx!
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May 24 2005, 11:08 PM
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#4
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 What a hypocrite. Group: Member Posts: 2,754 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 128,150 |
Those poems are all great. You expressed a lot, which is supposed to be in literature, right?
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