my friend is pregnant Options

[ItzOnlySydney]

ok so my friend heather is about a month or two pregnant. and she keeps asking me what to do and i don't know what to tell her. the father says he wants her to keep it but she just turned 15 and she is such a pretty and smart girl and she has her whole life ahead of her. gosh she keeps asking me for advice and idk what to tell her because i've never been pregnant before so basically it all boils down to one question :
abortion, adoption, or keep it?

this is her btw:

[bbyunique]

my sister is 15 and pregnant but she's married...unfortunately. anyways, i think you should tell her what you told us about her being pretty, smart, and she has her whole life ahead. you should sit down with her and talk to her about it. make a chart of the pros and cons. tell her she has to make the decision alone. you also need to consider her parents reactions, etc. if she asks for your opinion, give it to her truthfully. you should tell her, just because her boyfriend wants her to keep it doesn't mean he's actually ready. im assuming he's young also. ask her is she ready, if she can't answer it at the top of her head, she's obviously not. i know my sister isn't at all. you can't skip your teen life and be a mother. you'll be a mother but when you get older, you want to be a teen again. in most cases, thats how it is.

[miss barnes]

just because she's pregnant doesnt mean that it will mess up her life. i'd keep it

[*mzkandi*]

She can have a very sucessful and happy life with a baby. I hate when people tell soon to be teenage mothers that their life is ruined because they have a baby on the way. While I dont support abortion at all, I do believe in a woman's right to choose. There is also the option of adoption that is less extreme. Utimately though you cant tell her what you think she should do because it her decision and I decision she alone with have to deal with for the rest of her life. You just need to be there to support in whatever decision she makes.

[shortiiex]

ask her "do you think you will be happy?"
does she want to start a family or finsih college and have a real job?

[love_101_213]

that's tuff for her and her family i jess but abortion i dont think it is the best thing
good luck to your firend

[ItzOnlySydney]

She can have a very sucessful and happy life with a baby. I hate when people tell soon to be teenage mothers that their life is ruined because they have a baby on the way. While I dont support abortion at all, I do believe in a woman's right to choose. There is also the option of adoption that is less extreme. Utimately though you cant tell her what you think she should do because it her decision and I decision she alone with have to deal with for the rest of her life. You just need to be there to support in whatever decision she makes.

no i'm not saying it will RUIN her life i'm saying it will take up A LOT of her time and she might miss out on the joys of being a teenager

[DisneyPrincessKa...]

If her dad wants her to keep it then he is probably willing to do a lot of the raising so she can continue school. I'm very anti-abortion, so I'd encourage her to at least give birth to the baby and if she really feels that she cannot raise a child and is just not ready there are plenty of people who want to adopt, they all especially want babies.

[iheartjohn]

She's going to have to go through a lot of obstacles, but atleast her family is supporting her. My parents wanted me to get an abortion and kicked me out when I refused.

Anyway, once she has her baby, it'll all be worth it. It's kind of like having a friend who is never going to leave your side. I don't regret having Geena.

[*AngelicEyz00*]

Abort.

[heyyfrankie]

no!!! don't abort! ^
---
do you really think that killing the baby is a good idea? i think that she should have the baby and then put it up for adoption. giving it to someone who wants one is the best idea in my opinion. :\

[*AngelicEyz00*]

It's not a baby it's a fetus. Think being pregnant at such a young age, not being able to care for the baby yourself, and being just 15 isa good idea?

[*xcaitlinx*]

id get an abortion. mainly for the fact that id still be a teenager, and i wouldnt want to have the responsibility of taking care of a child. people make mistakes...and if she wants to have a future and live like a normal teenager then i think that's the best thing to do. the only thing im a ltitle on the edge of is that its 2 months old...and i mean if it was more like a week then id feel better about gettin an abortion.

[iheartjohn]

Um, guys, you forget that I was 13 when I was pregnant. When you begin to have sex at such a young age, you're accepting the risk of being pregnant and the responsibilities.

Besides, don't let the baby suffer for your mistakes.

[snak3y3z1001]

tell her to do what she feel is right

[iSH_CHiPMUNKYYY_...]

my sister is 15 and pregnant but she's married

o_0... ur sister is pregnant and married at 15 o_0;;... that kinda creeps me out... well if ur friend wants to have a good life ahead of her, go have an abortion, if she wants a freakin baby then she should go on and TORTURE herself... well how did u she get pregnant anyway??? did she get like... raped or did she do it by choice???

[vampireduster]

just because she's pregnant doesnt mean that it will mess up her life. i'd keep it

i agree because she can do online classes and get help

[*mzkandi*]

no i'm not saying it will RUIN her life i'm saying it will take up A LOT of her time and she might miss out on the joys of being a teenager

NO NO...I didnt mean to direct my statement at what you were saying, I know you didnt mean it that way. I am just saying that having a baby that young doesnt totally count you out of the joys of being a teenager. I know alot..and believe me ALOT....of girls that have had kids as young as 13,14, 15,16 and some who cant handle it give their babies up for adoption, while the other half have become better people from having a baby. Most of the fear about having a baby is usually wiped away after they give birth. But of course that is not the case for everyone. If she chooses to abort then that should be her decision alone and nobody should meddle in that decision.

[mouse_3k]

thats her mistake tell her to deal with it. She shouldnt be havin sex NE ways so let her deal with the consequences. unless she was raped or something.

[beautifuls0ul_x3]

When you begin to have sex at such a young age, you're accepting the risk of being pregnant and the responsibilities.

Besides, don't let the baby suffer for your mistakes.

i agree with u all the way!!! you took the words right out of my mouth. i wouldn't even consider abortion but that's just me, i wouldn't even want to deal with the guilt of killing my own child. there are so many other options...here is a lesson for all the young ladies out there including me!

[apple.]

Since her father knows, keep it..oterwise ..my frd got abortion..

[ItzOnlySydney]

Since her father knows, keep it..oterwise ..my frd got abortion..

you did not read carefully...i said THE father, THE BABY/FETUS'S FATHER her father could probably care less he left her, her sister, and their mom about 9 years ago.

[tinababy143]

well i'm 18 and have had 2 children and recently had a miscarriage..

i am roman-catholic and i am against abortion

putting the child up for adoption is something that is hard to do..she will live everyday of her life thinking about the child and whether or not it is in a good home, no matter what the adoption agency says..even if she meets the parents who adopt her child, she'll still wonder..she will wonder where her child is, what he or she looks like, if he or she will have a good education, etc. Not only that, but the child will someday or another, wonder why he or she was put up for adoption, he or she will think that they did something wrong or otherwise. I know this because I did put one of my children up for adoption and I was an adopted child.

If she keeps the child, yeah, she'll miss out on a lot of things she would have done if she didnt have a child. Of course it will be hard, whoever thinks having a child is easy is downright crazy! But at the same time, it will be the best thing that has ever happened to her. She wont be able to picture her life without her child. She will feel like she is important ((whether she feels that way right now or not)). I cant even explain the feeling really..having a child is just...amazing!

No one can tell her what she should do. Only she knows what she wants. Of course she can get the opinions of others, but like i said, only she knows what she wants. She is the only one who knows what is best for her and her life. No one knows herself better than her. She needs time to herself to think about life, the father, her parents, etc. I hope everything works out. Keep me posted =D If you or her have any questions, feel free to ask me.

[toodlepops.]

Does her parents know? It's better if they do.
Neways, I agree with Tina bout putting up the baby for adoption.
It's all up to her, really. If she can cope with her normal life and still have a baby, she should keep it.

[dani41790]

Personally anything but abortion is ok. I really don't think she should abort it since I find it wrong.

[macb]

oh man. 15 and already pregnant?

You don't want to destroy your future. Put it up for adoption. If it were me, I'd abort. Yes, it's killing the fetus. But wouldn't you rather save your energy/time/money for when you can really care for a child?

If she has the baby and keeps it... world of trouble. Drop out of school, no money... it's very much downhill

she's not independent yet... all that she has was given to her by her parents. how can she take care of a baby if she can't even take care of herself yet? I am 20, and I still rely on my parents to pay for my college education. If my gf got pregnant, there's no way in **** I can afford to keep it, still stay in college, etc. Grades will plummet, huge obligations, no money, no salary-paying job (hourly wages only)...

[misoshiru]

if she wants to keep it, then let her keep it. if she wants to abort it, then let her abort it. it's her choice. she should make the decision.

if i were 15 and pregnant? i'd abort it.

[kill me please]

i dont like getting into the whole thing over abortion or not. because i infact support it, i mean as long as the babys not over 3-4 months then i dont feel like its killing life. i know lots of people would disagree with me but thats just my opinion. and yes i know the bible blah blah blah... so i'll just leave it at that because im getting off subject.
my friend got pregnant when she was 16..turn 17 during it all.. anyway the father acts like he wanted to be supportive but hes not. she had to go to night school, cant do what she wants in life. and she missed so many things, i feel bad for her. the babys going on 1 now, and im sure she doesnt regret having her, but she probably wishes she didnt make so many mistakes in life.
bottom line.. if it was me, as harsh as it sounds, id abort. because i just couldnt handle that.. and as a matter of fact i never want any kids even when im older so yeah=/

[gothicdork]

I dunno...I'm against abortion...but to many people that's not important. I say ultimately its her descision. One of my sisters had a child at 16....and she is 33 yrs old now. The child she had is my nephew who six days younger than I am, but I feel that she made the right decision by keeping it. I mean yeah sure she missed out on somethings but she doesn't regret it.
My parents were angry at her for gettign pregnant and yeah my dad didn't talk to her until she had my nephew but she is livign a great life now. she has never regreted what she herself choose to do. She has accepted the responsiblity as a lesson and learned it to move on and become a great mother of 4 more kids.
I would say if your friend can't support the child then put it up for adoption....its her decision...and she needs to take the responsiblity for it the problem that is presenting itself to her. Just because she has the child doesn't mean that her life will be ruined it just means that soem of the things that she wanted to do will have to be put on hold for awhile. And sure it will take a while but I think that she could become a much more better person because of it.

~*~*~DeCePT10N -ess~*~*~

[tinababy143]

If she has the baby and keeps it... world of trouble. Drop out of school, no money... it's very much downhill

that is COMPLETELY untrue..for some, yes..however, i'm 18, and have had 2 children and i have a successful job, graduated high school when i was 16, and i'm in my 3rd year of college..also..my sister had twins at the age of 17 and she is living on her own, married, a mangager of a store, also graduated high school and finished college..so you cant assume things when you know nothing about it..

[ichigofan]

Having a child is hard work at any age especially at her age so she just has to think about if she will be able to give the child a good life and if SHE will be happy doing so Maybe she should have one of her family member adopt her baby so she will be able to see the child whenever she wants cuz abortion is rough on the body and its possible to become baren after having an abortion good luck to your friend

[Shattered_Hope]

Tell your friend the truth....that she's giving up alot to have this baby...Tell her she's only 15 years old and she shouldn't give up her dreams for this child...you should be quick in telling her about this...there's a point in a pregnancy where abortions are no longer possible. Besdies, even if she were to have the baby, would she really dedicate herself to caring for it? Would she be a good mom and one day not regret giving up her life and dreams and possibilities for the baby?

[mouse_3k]

as harsh as it sounds, I suggest to just kill the FETUS (Its not a baby). shes freakin 15, I mean if she wants to keep it she may but in my opinion, I suggest she just kill it.

[megan_x3]

Maybe you should tell your friend that getting pregnant is not one of the things that can ruin your life. If she chose to get prengnant then she need to be responsible for what she had done. She basically chose the wrong road to choose, she should've not done sex with that man so she won't get pregnant and regret. I believe she can still go to school with the baby, if her dad or parent wants it.

[tooeffingcrazy]

IF her parents are willing to help her take care of the baby, then keep it. If they won't, abortion.

[mocassinsx29]

Honestly, I think she should sit down, think about it, and make her own decision.

BUTTT, if I were in her situation, I would abort it. A lot of people think that's wrong and maybe it is, but I know I couldn't balance school, the baby, and everything else. Like macb said, everything would go downhill.

[technicolour]

abortion isn't right. You're killing someone. It tears you up inside, and well, as well as the baby. don't think of it as a fetus. Think of it as someone...a person. adoption is an option. but abortion isn't right. my mom's college friend had one done, and she, my mom, said it tore her apart. 15 isn't such a great age to get torn apart.

[Skyline Drive]

ADOPTION.
ADOPTION.
ADOPTION.

Enough said.

[heyyfrankie]

abortion isn't right. You're killing someone. It tears you up inside, and well, as well as the baby. don't think of it as a fetus. Think of it as someone...a person. adoption is an option. but abortion isn't right. my mom's college friend had one done, and she, my mom, said it tore her apart. 15 isn't such a great age to get torn apart.

um...they are right...it isn't a baby. only a fetus. i dont' think that abortion is right in this situation but that's not my choice.

[technicolour]

Frankie Posted May 26 2005, 12:04 AM

um...they are right...it isn't a baby. only a fetus. i dont' think that abortion is right in this situation but that's not my choice. 

fetus..ugh..i hate that word...but abortion..she's too young..15? yesh..i'm that old and personally i couldn't do that.

It's her choice. either she's all in and for the baby or adoption.
adopt adopt adopt. plenty of people are looking to adopt.

[ItzOnlySydney]

It's her choice. either she's all in and for the baby or adoption.
adopt adopt adopt. plenty of people are looking to adopt.

that's what i would do. but i am trying to keep my personal opinion and views out of it and try to be supportive of her and try to give her advice that's best for her. not what i would do. even thoguh it's so hard i have to rememberthis is not a game there is no restart button. this choice she's making could effect her for the rest of her life. that's freaking us both out =/.

[HoodieObsessed]

That would be a difficult situation.

...very difficult.

if I were her...Id probably give up for adoption...maybe...unless my mom and dad said they'd help me take care of it or like if the father chiped in too. than it mihgt be possible. but with all the homeowrk an stuff, I jsut don't think I'd be ready, I'd probably give it up for adoption or do abortion. I donno, it's a really hard choice.

...it's really hard work keeping a child...you have to take her/him to kindergarten, be a responsible parents and give him/her ALOT of attention. I don't think I could handle it.

but the final choice is up to the mother, jsut support her in anyway you can, be a shoulder she can lean on

EDIT

Actually, I would probably choose abortion...as harsh as it sounds I truly beleive it does not actually cause the baby visical harm/pain. maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. maybe she shoudl look into abortion as an option and research it and see if it's what she wants to do. or she could also research the choice of giving it up for adoption and see if tha'ts what she wants to do.

I guess the reason Id' choose abortion rather than adoption is because alot of things can go wrong with adoption. the kids can be sexually abused by their foster parents or maybe they'll never even be adopted. also even if the kids get into a ncie family they'll still want to know their real mother, they'll feel empty. tha'ts why I'd chose abortion. even though it sounds less humain than adoption, in my veiw it's almost more humain.

...it's such a hard choice this is why I don't plan to have sex before maraige, or if I do at least with the man I'm planning to marry.

[yupimchuck]

If she truly doesnt want it, then put it up for adoption.
because its her fault to have sex and get pregnant so abortion souldtbe an option. it makes me so mad when kids do that.

maybe her mom would take care of it sometime while she was at school if she kept it.

[bby_cutie]

i don't know alot but i don't really like abortion. Can't her parents help her take care of her child while she continues school? Abortion sounds so cruel.

[ItzOnlySydney]

maybe her mom would take care of it sometime while she was at school if she kept it.

highly doubt that one. her mom is always pulling doubles .

[sweet_devil]

my sister is 15 and pregnant but she's married...unfortunately. anyways, i think you should tell her what you told us about her being pretty, smart, and she has her whole life ahead. you should sit down with her and talk to her about it.

i agree with telling her how great she is, it's her decision, but i think she should have the baby and then either but him/her up for adoption or have her parents raise him/her. that way she doens't have to take the responsiblities of a mother which she probably isn't ready for. also if she has to consider abortion since labour is painful...from wat i've heard...and at such a young age it might be traumatizing...

[dorischu]

Um, guys, you forget that I was 13 when I was pregnant. When you begin to have sex at such a young age, you're accepting the risk of being pregnant and the responsibilities.

Besides, don't let the baby suffer for your mistakes.

Yup, I totally agreed with this point. Well you have to let her know that, the baby got no right to choose whether they want to come to this world. Is the mother who decide whether allow them to come to this world. So you can't give her much advise, caused the baby is her child. She have to bear the responsibilites and make her own decision.

Plus, abortion is not advisable.

[sweetabandon]

well, i've just given birth. i'm 18 turning 19 and i can honestly say that my daughter is a handful. i'm thankful to have the support of my family and his. it definitely makes things easier, but not as easy as being baby-free. It's her choice, but I would choose to abort. I didn't have the guts to do it, but that's okay. I'm in love with my baby and it scares me to think about killing her.

Advice:
Abort as soon as possible. Don't even wait till you're three months. It'll be less guilt on your conscience. That doesn't mean, however, that there won't be any guilt.

Adoption is nearly impossible when you lay your eyes on your baby. If you can still go through wit it, you're either heartless or couragous.

Keeping the baby, will suck mucho ass, but "in the end" it is a very rewarding experience. There's nothing like that bond you can feel with your baby when you're pregnant and afterwards too.. At the same time your friend will lose almost every ounce of freedom that she has left for the sake of her child, but somehow it won't matter. (I'm still working out "how" it won't matter. Somtimes I still cry because I lost my freedom at such a young age.)

If your friend is going to go with abortion she should go for it. Don't let anyone else tell her otherwise, unless it's God because religious intervention shouldn't be messed with.

[dragyn]

I can only say what I would do. I would never want to force my opinions and choices on anyone, but it's nice to have examples to follow, I know.

I take this topic very seriously, I have thought I was pregnant before, and I have resolved that I would never abort, unless I was raped, or there were terrible complications with the pregnancy. And even than, maybe not.

I believe very strongly that anyone who willingly put themself in a situation in which they can get pregnant should never consider aborting, unless it was their life at risk because of the pregnancy. I fully understand that I don't know the situation under which your friend got pregnant, though I am guessing by the way you phrase it that she was willing. Also, the fact that she even asks you what to do implies that she wasn't raped, because I know most women(/girls) would want any seed of someone evil enough to do that out of them immediately, despite the fact that a child will not necessarily be like the father. Also, I doubt that anyone who has an abortion will be able to live peacefully without the guilt. Even people that have miscarriages often blame themselves.

I suggest that she plan for adoption, but she shouldn't decide completely until after she has the baby, because some people simply can't give up the baby. Second, if she is a strong supporter of same-sex couples, I suggest she specifically look for a gay couple to give the baby to. If she is strongly against homosexuality, don't even think about suggesting that to her, however, it is far more difficult for gay couples to find a child to adopt.

If she does decide to keep the baby, I think it is important that she stay in school, at least some kind of school, and try not to throw away her education the way a lot of young mothers do. She would have to find a way to keep her child safe while she is at school, if they will not let her take it to school with her (they probably wont). Also, if she keeps the baby, she does not need to go looking for a father to the baby, even though a father is good for a child, that kind of thinking has gotten many women caught up with bad men.

Most importantly, (even though I'm sure your friend can think for herself) it is good for people to hear their options from other people. Tell your friend all of her options, and make sure you tell her both the good and bad of every choice. Though adoption is not for me, and several other girls, it may be for her, and just because I feel it is wrong does not mean I wish to limit her choices in such a situation. Despite what you think is right, this is her decision. If you choose for her, and something goes wrongly, not only will you always blame yourself, but she might blame you as well.

She may not like it incredibly much that you have put her picture on the internet, though I don't know your friend, or whether she would mind or not.

Also, it might me a good idea to let her read this thread, and hear the opinions and ideas of everyone. It may not help whatsoever, but it could do wonders.