Why don't we?, This one's a little more personal... Options

[agirlnamed_aly]

You know that its already 12:30
remember I have to wake up early
to see the sunset
and we talked as if we'd never met
with fake frowns and happy faces
poised pictures and ugly places
regret had such a bitter taste
& the words we meant were such a waste
the colors blended till there was no hue
and all that was left was me and you
i remember when you told me the world was dying,
& when you had told me, I said you were lying
and comforts were few and far between
past the goodbyes and everyday routines
& the rearview mirror was still able to reflect
that perfect expression I didn't expect
your straight black coffee was still too strong
for me to drink and there was nothing wrong
with how you answered without answering
that was enough for me to know what was happening
I turned away from the sunset that was so stunning
& I asked you if we were going to keep running?
Until someones wins? Someones loses? Someone tries?
And then you answered, "Until we die."
And I accepted that fact and I accepted your promises
Just like those letters
I swore I was honest
Like you said, "This is the place we're supposed to be.
The world is dying, so why don't we?"

Sucky rhyme scheme and a bit angsty. It's a little more personal so it won't make sense. <33 Constructive criticism.

Mucho love,

Alyson

[*mzkandi*]

& the rearview mirror was still able to reflect
that perfect expression I didn't expect

I love that line. The whole thing was really great. "replying to why dont we", you picked a good titile for this piece.

[sadolakced acid]

lovely. good poem.

[IamRad]

nice i like it

[*Azarel*]

There are a few grammatical errors, but the overall poem, omitting said errors, flows easily. I really liked the closing as well as other bits of poem (below). What makes this likeable is that it's easily related to by many. Excellent.

"and we talked as if we'd never met \ with fake frowns and happy faces"
We all know the facade.

"regret had such a bitter taste \ & the words we meant were such a waste"
And we all have things we regret.

"and there was nothing wrong \ with how you answered without answering"
And I just really like this because of the opposition of words.

Post more of your stuff up, Aly. Dammit.