Words, Just read it. |
 Apr 12 2005, 09:14 PM
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#1
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 I'd rather make mistakes than break.  Group: Member Posts: 121 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 117,869  |
the alcohol never tasted so sweet
on the tip of your tongue while the world was so bitter because we were young the long lived glances and short lived loves "forevers" that we threw around because "for now" wasn't enough how ugly you can feel because of one person in the room and how blood wasn't red until you saw it coming from the wound and life wasn't as simple as we thought in second grade and people weren't as nice as they were when you were eight and "beautiful" wasn't a word you really liked to use because hearts were just as weak even when they were immune and goodbye and hello were somehow the same thing and every lasting moment was still momentarily and everything you said was as simple as it sounded because complications were more rational then how i really found it so i hope when you're dying you won't enjoy the view because words never meant much when they were coming from you Don't worry, it's not supposed to make sense. Sorry for the lack of capitalization, I wrote it a long time ago and didn't want to take the time to edit it. Mucho love, Alyson |
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Replies
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| *stephinika* |
Apr 12 2005, 10:06 PM
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#2
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i actually quite like it...nice word choices and i was able to follow it.
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Apr 13 2005, 12:10 PM
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 weird Sarah. yes,me... Group: Member Posts: 714 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,023 |
i love this sentence
the long lived glances and short lived loves make me think lots of memories. u r so great! |
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| *mishyerr* |
Apr 13 2005, 04:32 PM
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Very good, I don't understand how you think we don't understand. ;] It's so beautiful. In fact, I think I might have to use it to shove it in someone's face sometime. I love it. Very excellent writing, kind of like how I enjoyed George Orwell right after Charles Dickens.. T.T
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Apr 17 2005, 03:51 AM
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#5
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 I watch you while you sleep. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 1,068 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 7,685 |
Yes, this is definitely my favorite from you.
xo, Pauline |
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| *mzkandi* |
Apr 17 2005, 05:07 AM
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This was really excellent. Goodness, great job.
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Apr 21 2005, 11:41 AM
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#7
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 .bubblicious inspirations. @ www.bubbliciousoul.com Group: Member Posts: 466 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 112,228 |
fantastic job!
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Apr 21 2005, 12:17 PM
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#8
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weird Sarah. yes,me... Group: Member Posts: 714 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,023 |
i read it the second time.
i have one more sentence to love that's "forevers" that we threw around because "for now" wasn't enough u always do the job i like! |
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Apr 22 2005, 09:52 PM
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 242 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 118,283 |
QUOTE(stephinika @ Apr 12 2005, 9:06 PM) i actually quite like it...nice word choices and i was able to follow it.  i liked it alot |
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Apr 22 2005, 10:19 PM
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#10
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 913 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 101,212 |
I absolutely adore it. Its really nice.
You should make a compilation of all your poems and have it published or something.
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Apr 22 2005, 11:57 PM
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#11
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 512 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 9,682 |
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Apr 23 2005, 12:28 AM
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 High Voltage!∞ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157 |
I love it. I can understand it. It's fantastic
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Apr 25 2005, 12:27 AM
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#13
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 boo Group: Member Posts: 5,512 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 71,765 |
Really nice. =]
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| *Azarel* |
Aug 9 2005, 03:49 PM
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Even if you can't spell laundry, you've definitely got something, Aly. The opening presents a beautiful contrast (sweet & bitter) and it progresses nicely. Easily followed by anyone, simple diction - and it does make sense, hon, even if you want to put it down by saying it doesn't.
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Aug 11 2005, 09:42 PM
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 No Day But Today. Group: Member Posts: 1,405 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 99,184 |
Excellent! I love the part where it says "'forevers' that we threw around
because 'for now' wasn't enough" I like it a lot :) |
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| *mipadi* |
Aug 11 2005, 09:45 PM
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QUOTE(agirlnamed_aly @ Apr 12 2005, 10:14 PM) Sorry for the lack of capitalization Who do you think you are, e.e. cummings? 
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Aug 13 2005, 06:38 PM
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#17
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
WOW. This is amazing. From the start I knew it was going to be awesome. Great poem.
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Aug 17 2005, 07:44 AM
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#18
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 Residential Crazy Child Group: Member Posts: 934 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 116,897 |
That was great. I especially liked ""forevers" that we threw around
because "for now" wasn't enough". It seemed full of depth yet I was able to follow it. |
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Aug 18 2005, 11:39 AM
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#19
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 unify and defeat... divide and crumble Group: Member Posts: 2,759 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 6,379 |
that was beautiful....simple words make it absolutely amazing.
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