feelings of jealousy..., or something else? Options

[SpedMonkee]

argh i really need some help here... ive been going out with this girl now for about 2 months. she is my first girlfriend, but im not her first boyfriend. she plays piano and all that, and has dreams of becoming a profesional pianist. anyway, she used to go out with this guy who is alot older than her. she was 15 at the time and he was 26. they supposedly broke, but she still goes over his house all the time. (in my opinion she was head over heels for this guy, or so she thought.) i knew that she went over his house all the time, but didnt know that he was her ex, i had to find this out on my own... when i confronted her about it she said that she goes over there for her music and stuff because he has the technology that she cant get anywhere else blah blah blah.. then came the whole "what, u dont trust me?" thing, that id rather not get into detail with..

now im having all these feelings and stuff that i never had before. she seems to spend all this time over there during the week, or atleast i believe its his house, never telling me what she does, and i only spend time with her on the weekends (aside from school) unless SHE wants to do something... i never really ask her where she is going after school, because i dont want to feel like im interrogating her, or trying to control her, but i just want to know sometimes so i dont have to worry...

i dont know whats going on... i think im having feelings of jealousy, but they arnt without justification... i really need some help here, what should i do? and if i talk to her, what should i say? because ive already brought it up before, and dont want to feel like i dont trust her (which im not entirely sure if i do or not)

[megan_x3]

to me , i think that ur grlfrd is saying that so you would think wrong. i think she is having an affair with that "ex" guy... watch out for her and stuff. you should talk to her about it ... saying that ur her boyfriend and that you shouldn't be always going to some 'ex' house at 'night'

[twelveislands]

Ask her if you could some time together during the week as you feel kind of 'left out' and just want you two to be together. Watch a movie at your house or hers or something or at least do something 'together', watch the way she acts as well.

[_sarcastic_]

i can kind of relate to how you feel, my bf hangs out with his girl bestfriend like almost all the time (we have a long distance relationship) but he does tell me sometimes what he does with her and stuff so i don't really get worried.


you can occasionally ask her where she's going, that's not controlling her, you deserve to know what she does sometimes afterall you're her bf. anyways, ask her. or tell her you want to spend more time with her. before you say anythign to her, tell her you trust her and just wants to know what's going on

[KELLYYY]

Hey, you're not alone, I was in the same situation before. I don't think it's jealousy. You should be worried because if you two just started the relationship, I don't think you can trust her yet.

[to-devastate]

You sound like you don't trust her... but don't worry. I wouldn't either.
Communication is the basic key to a relationship. If you're feeling this way, tell her. So what if the whole "What, you don't trust me?" thing comes up. Tell her how you feel or she'll just continue hurting you. If she gets so fustrated over the trust issue, the relationship wasn't meant to be.

[silver-rain]

Yeah, I kinda know how you feel. I think you should talk to her about it, and try to spend some time with her afterschool. And you should have some idea of what she's doing after school, since you are her boyfriend after all.

[Lightner]

obviously she doesnt feel secure telling such things because she knows u would freak out. You have to tell her u won't get mad or go confront the 26 year old about the secret. talk to her more often, if u liek her, tell her that and she will start thinking about you if she does somethign bad.

[--x who0ps]

hmm, maybe one day you could go- oh, can i go over with you? i really want to see you play your piano & stuff. and i kinda want to meet him. he sounds pretty cool (;

and your girlfriend sounds pretty fishy.
id be jealous if i were you. i mean you`re her boyfriend. not that other dude.

[topsyturvy]

hmm, maybe one day you could go- oh, can i go over with you? i really want to see you  play your piano & stuff. and i kinda want to meet him. he sounds pretty cool (;

Hey, good idea!!

Oh my gosh. If you guys don't spend time together, is this still a relationship? How is it a relationship when you never know where she is, and when she won't tell you if she asks?

I'm telling you, the music equipment excuse is just total bull. Unless you tag along everytime, you'll never know what she's doing there. And chances are, she hasn't gotten over him yet.

[pingpang_0811]

i think u dun trust her is becoz your relationship is not stable enough.
or u r easy to jealous of someone..
well, i admit that i am, especially to someone i love. so i understand ur feeling.

[shewasradiant]

you have to ask questions to get answers. so ask. its that simple. she may feel like you dont trust her and get all defensive, but thats how everyone is. just let her know that it makes you feel uneasy with her going over to her ex's or whatever. and if she was caring enough, she would reassure you that nothing is going on, and you will have to trust her from there. dont get so jealous, if shes over this guy, then shes over him. plus, if music is such a big part in her life, you should let her have the best of it.

btw, how old is she now? and how old is this ex of hers? because if shes not 17 (or 18 depending on what state youre in) her ex could be sued if they had anything going on. statuary rape.

[SpedMonkee]

yeah i know... believe me he is way older than 18... but i dont think i would be able to do that... not unless she really is screwing around on me

[pinayprincess]

just spill the beans, even though she says that dumb line... [i hate that line] just say 'besides the fact that I DO trust you, please tell me whats really going on.. blah blah blah..." we both know that relationship is all about trust but just tell the truth that you have been feeling suspicious or something, just comfront her -- thats how things work out in a relationship --even though she makes those 'excuses'

[AsianUniQ]

If I were you, and in doubt. I would immediately break up. Thats my rule.

In this case, I'm not you. So what you can do is, ask her if you can come along and hang out at her ex's house as well; just so you can listen to how well she play *wink *wink. Like someone said up there, communication is a key to a relationship. Confront her, if she feels unwanted to tell you things or if everythign that comes out of her mouth sounds like an excuse(sorta like, what you dont trust me?) Then there is definitely somethign going on with her and her ex. Break up with her.

And yes you are jealous. But I don't blame you. Its just natural.

[SpedMonkee]

ok, now the situtation is a bit different. yesterday i found a new picture of them together in her bag. it was taken on thursday, a day she couldnt stay after school with me for 10 minutes because she was going home to "sleep". then the next day she chouldnt hang out with me after school because she was "going to her sisters house" but friday could have been the only day that she could have picked the photo up. and later that friday she had called me to hang out around 5 because "her sister had to work late".
and what i dont understand is why she would be over there. she said she had gotten into a fight with him about something and gave him his keys back(why she would have his keys is news to me..)

im going to talk to her about it when she gets online later, but i just wanted to know what all of you thought about this.

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

hmm, maybe one day you could go- oh, can i go over with you? i really want to see you  play your piano & stuff. and i kinda want to meet him. he sounds pretty cool (;

Totally agreed I bet she'd either be like "Oh sure why not" or like "Um. . .im not sure im comfortable with that."