Serious, Meant for my father |
 Mar 16 2005, 01:03 PM
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#1
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 ^_^  Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,141 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,466  |
Can you see me from where you are?
Are you able to see me laugh and smile while jumping up and down? My arms waving joyously, can you see that too? Are you able to see me on my knees, stricken with laughter? I'm sure you can but you see nothing because you are too far away. Take a step closer, closer until you can see the brown eyes. The tears flow over the lips of a frown, down the face plagued by sadness. I'm not waving to you, I'm desperately reaching out for help. For you to believe that I was laughing is to mock me. On my knees, I beg and plead for mercy and forgiveness. But I forgot, you're too far away. You see what you want to see, from your distant perspective because you're too afraid of me. Take a step closer. ~~~~~~~~~~ I haven't shown anyone this outside of the 3 people that have seen my Xanga. |
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Mar 17 2005, 12:09 AM
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#2
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 hello : ) Group: Official Member Posts: 4,227 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 13,139 |
I think it's pretty good. I like the metaphorical type thing you did about you were on your knees laughing but you really weren't. Good job~
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Mar 17 2005, 12:49 AM
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#3
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^_^ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,141 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,466 |
QUOTE(M1SSxCHR1SSY @ Mar 16 2005, 11:09 PM) I think it's pretty good. I like the metaphorical type thing you did about you were on your knees laughing but you really weren't. Good job~  Thanks. Writing has always been my thing. Right now, I'm putting together my memoirs in an effort to write something autobiographical (if Augusten Burroughs can be an NY Times Bestseller, I should be accepting my pulitzer after my first book). But there's something about poetry that I sometimes find hard to comprehend. It's almost impossible for me to just 'write a poem.' As I let my thoughts flow through the keyboard or by way of a pen or pencil, I realize that a good poem can only be written if it evokes some sort of emotion in the writer. Otherwise, you're just stringing together lines. |
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Mar 18 2005, 01:27 AM
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#4
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 crushed. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,432 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,026 |
wow, that's really deep and emotional..I'm glad you shared it with us, you are really talented.
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Mar 18 2005, 03:03 PM
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#5
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^_^ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,141 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,466 |
QUOTE(bballbabiegrl @ Mar 18 2005, 12:27 AM) wow, that's really deep and emotional..I'm glad you shared it with us, you are really talented. Thank you. |
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Mar 18 2005, 06:02 PM
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#6
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 Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 4,750 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 10,581 |
This is real nice piece, it's real emotional.
I like it, great job! |
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Feb 13 2006, 02:01 AM
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#7
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^_^ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,141 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,466 |
Change must take a while
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| *wind&fire* |
Feb 13 2006, 03:59 AM
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#8
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Guest |
For you to believe that I was laughing is to mock me. On my knees, I beg and plead for mercy and forgiveness.
But I forgot, you're too far away.  i'll help you...
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Feb 13 2006, 01:20 PM
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#9
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 Senior Member Group: Posts: 8,274 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 8,001 |
  i love it.
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Feb 13 2006, 01:27 PM
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#10
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 ALLISON Group: Official Designer Posts: 3,372 Joined: Nov 2005 Member No: 310,259 |
nice job
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