heartbrake, a fiction about heartbrakes |
 Mar 16 2005, 04:17 AM
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#1
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 come and get me!  Group: Member Posts: 190 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 113,600  |
as i stare at the setting sun and illuminated by the orange aura, i feel someone will come back... the sea is calling... someone will come back to me..
someone... its been 3 months since josh and i parted our ways.. dont ask me if iam fully recovered now! of course not, i can still feel the pain... here at the sea we always hang out. staring at the sunset and counting seashells, we are always wishing at the blue sea... those crappy wishes that reminds me of those soap opera promises... funny but i never laugh... i always rember it was late afternoon, he is there hugging me tight and greeting me happy anniversary... we enjoyed the night and had a good time... but it was a sign of farewell.. the same day... the stars are shining brightly... everything is still... i slept at his lap as he stares at the stars... iam safe... i thought... but then i wondered he never ever told me that day the three words iam waiting to hear... no i love yous.. iam not demanding but its our anniversary! well maybe in my dreams... the next day i woke up at my bed.. i feel the urge to find him... i saw a letter... i hate you. three words at big bold letters!!! i was so dumbfounded!! i ran around my room crazily and went to the bathroom... but i wished i never entered... now.. watching the sunset... iam waiting for his hugs and kisses... now im in the water... cold.. calling... still at my mind relieving the day the poem you left at the sink... after you saw me, please ran and go to the sea. scream that josh loves me but then he left thee tears now flowed to your eyes upon reading the hate lies iam here because of love come and free the dove cut my rope that binds my neck and hug me and never shed sorry, iam weak, im sick and soon will leave i cant bear the pain so i think this is my gain fled now, kiss me tender because now is forever.. i found out that he is sick.. a weird mental illness that will erase his memories... i just realized that he chose to die than to live without his memories.. his fear.. he fears to forget me... i just dont get it... does love forgets? but now at this sunset.. i can feel that he is coming.. now i can feel it more.. the water in the sea is warm... splendid... cold.. bubbles are drifting away... now i can feel his presence.. im sinking... dark.. iam closing my eyes... yes.. the air is leaving me now.. i dont know.. he is holding me.. it is very dark. ****************************************************************** i wrote this short story! hoe you'll like it!!! 
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Mar 16 2005, 04:21 AM
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#2
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
It is good :) I really like the concept and the story line...it was kinda shaky in the middle, and especially the "i hate you" part. But i thought it was a good start :) Keep working on it, I think it's a great story and will turn into somethan even better :)
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Mar 16 2005, 06:19 AM
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#3
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 .:gossipgirl:. Group: Member Posts: 156 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 111,300 |
good try...
Love ya*muah |
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Mar 17 2005, 07:27 PM
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#4
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 crushed. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,432 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,026 |
aw, how sad and romantic at the same time.
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Apr 1 2005, 03:49 AM
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#5
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come and get me! Group: Member Posts: 190 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 113,600 |
thanks for the compliment!
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| *Azarel* |
Apr 1 2005, 09:30 PM
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#6
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Guest |
Overuse of dots.
And heartbreak* heartbreeeeaaaak. |
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Apr 3 2005, 03:50 PM
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#7
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 I'll never be who I was again.. Group: Member Posts: 2,886 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 77,981 |
aww so sad..but its really good...
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