Just a short poem, tell me if it sucks.. |
 Mar 14 2005, 02:56 PM
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#1
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 <3 Deanna Leigh Irene <3  Group: Member Posts: 136 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 111,326  |
braindeaD
shaking and trembling as i uncontrolably bled, you sit there and let me become braindead my body melts into the world of aftermath you just let me fall straight down the wrong path my eyes twitch and my fingers go numb and you let me think i was the one who was dumb my life in your pocket, you threw me away so i had to sit alone at night, nothing to do but pray so now i'm braindead, everything expended and as my life closes, i'm glad that it ended. |
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Mar 14 2005, 03:48 PM
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#2
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 Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
i really like it, especially the last verse, but i think that in some parts it could have been made tighter if you hadnt concerntrated so much on the rhythm,but thats just a style thing
abstract man |
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Mar 14 2005, 03:50 PM
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#3
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 ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 14,309 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,593 |
nice poem! i love the rhymes lol.
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Mar 17 2005, 08:42 PM
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#4
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 crushed. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,432 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,026 |
^yeah, it's really nice and I love the fact that it rhymes.
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Mar 18 2005, 09:08 PM
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#5
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 96 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 112,370 |
I think it's really good, it's short but it's emotional.
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Mar 19 2005, 12:19 AM
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#6
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 Change Gon Come Group: Member Posts: 2,286 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,822 |
i like it alot deanna! =]
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Mar 19 2005, 01:28 AM
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#7
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 deleted Group: Member Posts: 3,168 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 92,276 |
hmm braindead. iono. but other than that itz great
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