The Blunder, Forgive the Shakespearian nature of it. |
| *CrackedRearView* |
 Feb 19 2005, 12:06 AM
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#1
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What an utter Utopian connection,
What gleeful, joyous bliss, What innocent affection, In the minds of two amiss. What tragic, punch drunk love, What a doeful, kiddish heart, What dew-bombing God's above, That allows this adieu, and part? What amazing facial features, What amazing dovelike grace, What prototype of creatures, With a fragile, porcelain face. What tears drop on my scribe, What anguish smears my ink, What woman so tremors the vibe, And disallows me to think? What amber golden hair, What irresistable spark, What lady, pure and fair, Have I left in the dark? Oh woe, upon me fall, For I have made a blunder, I've given up my doll, So smite me with thy thunder. |
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Replies
(1 - 7)
| *stephinika* |
Feb 19 2005, 01:33 AM
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#2
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i love it. every line. great job!!
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| *Azarel* |
Aug 9 2005, 03:18 PM
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#3
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Forgive the Shakespearian nature of the piece? My dear, it's what sets it apart. I love your usage of Old English. The second to last line, however, with the word "doll," doesn't seem to flow; a different word should replace it, although I don't know what.
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| *not_your_average* |
Aug 10 2005, 04:54 PM
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#4
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Very romantic. You manage to talk about love without being too cliched.
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| *mishyerr* |
Aug 16 2005, 11:57 AM
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#5
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Very beautiful. ^_^ It's very delicious to read.
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Aug 18 2005, 05:08 PM
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#6
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 Ms. I Can't Tell Pants From Math  Group: Member Posts: 371 Joined: Aug 2005 Member No: 191,034 |
I enjoyed it, I keep reading it over. It's really unique from the format of a lot of others' writing. Great job!
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Sep 4 2005, 01:52 AM
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#7
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 Discount Sushi Group: Member Posts: 109 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 55,999 |
I thoughroughly enjoyed this
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Sep 4 2005, 07:22 AM
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#8
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 Bardic Nation Group: Member Posts: 1,113 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 38,059 |
very good, i agree with azarel on this one. 'All' might work.
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