movie critic, (title can be changed) |
 Jan 21 2005, 01:07 PM
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#1
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 ...  Group: Member Posts: 818 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 32,366  |
this is my first poem that i wrote and i really would appreciate some cricism (sp?) so i can maybe make it better.
Emptiness The darkness consumes until I’m nothing Numb so I can no longer feel I sit back and watch Others live their lives Like a movie That I was never in I sit and watch everyone else live And criticize their life and their choices And how their hypocrisy Lives in everyone Even me I want to feel again And not be numb any more I don’t want to be like any one else But I want to feel Like every one else |
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Jan 21 2005, 03:52 PM
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#2
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 fell in love with a boy Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965 |
I got it.
Congratulations. |
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Jan 22 2005, 04:52 PM
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#3
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
Awesome, that's really good for a first poem. I really liked the end.
I sit and watch everyone else live And criticize their life and their choices And how their hypocrisy Lives in everyone Even me I want to feel again And not be numb any more I don’t want to be like any one else But I want to feel Like every one else great job! keep writing please! keep expanding on what you have written, and don't be afraid to post more stuff, i really enjoyed it |
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Jan 25 2005, 01:00 PM
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#4
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... Group: Member Posts: 818 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 32,366 |
thanx so much for the advice, i think i will keep writing.
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