createBlog Diary., Version 3. Options

[inthemudhole]

Okie. The other one was getting really long. @_@
So here I am.. making a new one. :P

Credit to faithin_felix for the last diary thread.

Guidelines/Rules/Format

-Please do it in diary format. (Example: Dear createBlog Diary,)
-Talk about your day, or anything else like that.
-Don't post in here solely to comment on someone else's day.. you can quote them, but don't make that your post.

(That's all I can think of right now. Another mod can add onto this if you wish to.)

--

I'll start it off, then.

--

Hey.

Things have been.. shitty again..
Well, I was absolutely ECSTATIC yesterday.. and I still am.

Just things with my personal life have been getting me down a lot lately.
There have been a lot of feuds in my household lately, I got bad grades for the first semester, my parents are going to freak about my grades, my friend keeps ditching me for her boyfriend, my other friend is going to ask this guy out who I've been liking since the beginning of this school year.. and other assorted things.

I'm extremely stressed out right now, believe it or not.
I'm SUCH a procrastinator. I REALLY need to break that habit.
I'm going to do MUCH better for the second semester. That is my main goal right now.. to get really good grades to make up for the crappy semester one grades.

I'm still kind of.. discouraged.
>< Bleh.

I don't even know what I want to do with my life.
I know I'm only 13 and only in the 8th grade, but it just hit me today.. I need to start thinking about a career so I can take the appropriate classes to help me with getting that career.
We had the school counselors come into English and talk to us about setting goals and crap like that for our future.. that's why it hit me. I NEED to get a back-up career, too.. since who knows if my band will make it big by the time I form it?

Oh well. Maybe I should focus on the positive part of my day.

eEeee! Schedule change. Cody's now in two of my classes. <3

Now I have clay and sculpture instead of wood.. eEee! Josh is in that class. <3 Crap. >< He'll probably end up sitting by me, too.. since he was absent today.. and the only open spots in the classroom are at my table, and at the table next to me.

Anyway, I typed out a lot today..

See yah.

-Brie

--

Alright! Resume posting!

[Teesa]

Dear CB diary,
Wow, school has gotten me so stressed, I don't know what to do. I hope I will get good grades and stay focused, although it will be very hard for me..I don't know why, it all seemed so easy at one time..well, until I write again..
<3 Teesa

[miss barnes]

Dear CB diary,

Before i start off, i must say ABOUT DAMN TIME! The last diary was several pages long. Ohh, now I'm on the first page.

Anyways

Patrice still looks sexxxy as hell. What the f**k am I going to do about this? I don't want to be bisexual. Usher is too fine to give it all up. She is too, though.

B.J. is cute too. His fade makes him look a lot better. Haircuts do wonderful things to black boys

reekah

[gigiopolis]

Dear cB diary,

This week has to be one of the best of the whole school year =] Just yesterday I was freaking out about English, and today I feel tons better because I got almost all of it done. Also, my Socials project was postponed til next week! =p Also, I got hired as a part of People Staff this week. I'm beginning to think I'm doing a bad job, though. Brie's totally kicking my bum at this modding thing. Haha. I finally got my piano exam over with. Hopefully, I'll get a good mark.

[EXPLO5ION]

dear cb diary,

Today sucks. My throat itches, I am getting terrible headaches, my nose is blocked, and I am ready to ram my head into a wall. I stayed home from school today.

I missed Wednesday and Thursday of school last week too. Convenient that there were 4 tests to take that day. I was going to take it today, but i didnt go. If i take the tests tomorrow, I have to get all the stuff that i missed and on friday, my teachner failed to give me the sheet for the format of my essay I am suppose to write that is due TOMORROW. Its really likely that I will skip school tomorrow 'cause I am slowly getting worse. So if I go on thursday, I have to take the 4 tests, get all the homework, take the science tests scheduled for that day, get the vocabulary sheet, and get caught up on the current events journal. honestly, i am so surprised that i havent burst yet.

[Nicolatofu]

Dear cb diary:

Well you wanna know what? Well of course you don't but i'll tell you anyways. I think I start to hate school with a passion more and more everyday (as if it wasn't possible.) But the people here get on my nerves! It's like they have no common sense! I wanna go back home. My mom had a date on Sunday. Thank God he was moving. He wasn't her taste anyways. We gave away my pomeranian for free! I'm lonely. Kay bye.

Nicole

[miss barnes]

Dear Cb diary

I'm so happy about my spanish recitations. I was so scared to go first but, i did it anyways and got a 97! I think it should have been a 98 but, hey i'm just glad that its over with.

Today I was late to school again. I just dont know whats wrong w/ me. I lost my nokia so i didnt have an alarm to set and the alarm on my new phone doesnt wake me up. I'm late at least 1x a week. So glad they havent given me detention yet

g2g be back later

reekah

[inthemudhole]

Also, I got hired as a part of People Staff this week. I'm beginning to think I'm doing a bad job, though. Brie's totally kicking my bum at this modding thing.

Silly Gigi! :P

--

Hello again.

I was faced with a really difficult decision to make.. I still haven't made up my mind on it..
I don't know. =_=

Anyway, today really sucked... but Josh was back in school today. <3
We made eye contact a few times. [giggles] I'm so lame..

Grr, I have a lot of math homework.
Eh, it's actually not a lot.. but rather a tedious assignment.

-_____________________-
I don't know what I'm going to do.
Both ends of the problem say they're okay if I go with the other end, but I still don't know what to do. Yes, I'm being vague about it..

Anyway.. I think I'm going to go now. I don't have anything else to say.

-Brie

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary...

i always come here when i have something to say that i can't put in my xanga because my friends from school read it...i don't need them to ask questions.

i don't know what to do...i love mark. really, with all my heart. but this 'love' for adrian seems to be growing...in a bad way. not really but...yes really. whenever mark is there i'm fine...but at school when i'm with adrian...i always want to be with him, talking to him, touching him (not in a perverted way people! ) but i don't know...he's my best friend in the world other than mark...so i can understand my close relationship with him...but this is too much.

damn me. damn my feelings. damn them all to hell.

on the other hand...life isn't all too bad at the moment. still stressful but...its okay.

thats it for now...........


steph*

[inthemudhole]

It's been nice knowing you, cB.

[damn]

dear cB diary,

this week has been one of the worst week in my life.

- i lost one of my contacts
- my friend ditched me for her boyfriend
- im having this huge row with my other friend.
- i made a boy cry because i told him to pay me back the money which he owes me.
- this guy wouldnt stop calling me names.
- i just realized that i still like the guy which i've liked for more than a year.
- my best friend seem to be getting annoyed by me.
- everyone seems to be against me.
- my best guy friend hates my guts because i told him how i felt about him going back with his girlfriend.
- i cried in school because i was so pissed.


this totally sucks and im dying for this week to end.




yours,
jasminL

[happy endings]

dear createblog diary,

i went to the park after school today. there was this big group of people just standing in the parking lot. then one of them confronted this other guy that was walking on the sidewalk. the first guy just PUNCHED the other guy.. the guy that was just walking on the sidewalk didn't want to fight, but after a few seconds of being harassed by the other guy they started fighting. there were a whole bunch of people watching, like the one guy's friends. the whole time, i was just wondered.. why isn't anybody trying to STOP them??? is this like entertainment to them??? and i'm pretty sure they were fighting about a really stupid reason too.

i just hate it when people fight. it bothers me SO much. why can't they solve their problems another way??


anyways, off that topic.

is it wrong for you to be REALLY REALLY REALLY annoyed by your best friend? well i am.


- happy endings

[Gypsy Eyes]

Dear Createblog Diary,

I am currently typing this wearing 3 sweatshirts, a winter coat, a scarf, 3 pairs of sweatpants and 4 pairs of socks and I am still freezing. I hate snow, well this much snow anyway.

Things with James have not improved, actually they have steadily declined, and still continue to decline. We havent talked since we broke up in august, and that is killing me. There is a lot I really want to tell him, but he would never listen or believe me. I've regretted the desicions for 6 months, and thought about it every day. Isn't that enough? I am still afraid to tell him. I really am. Though he really does deserve to know, because it would've been half his, I doubt he would believe me so why would it matter anyway. I really have to think about that. Madre found the godamn pregnancy papers, as well as the miscarrage ones. I am afraid to go downstairs and unlock the door of my room. I really am. If she got that pissed to break my godamn nose and take a chunk out of my thigh when I had james over when she wasn't home, imagine what she would do if she found out I was pregnant for 5 months.

eugh. I have a lot of thinking to do.

Love,
Jackie

edit:// oh wow. this is my 2000th post.

[Nicolatofu]

Dear Createblog Diary,

My mom went out on a date last night or tonight whatever you wanna call it and slipped on black ice... She says it feels like she broke it but it's not broken. I've been waiting on her hand and foot. Aren't I just generous? haha but I think she finally fell asleep after trying to get comfy. Well nothing great happening...Valentine's day is coming up and this year, it's on a weekday...just to make me feel even lonelier to see all the couples together.....oh well. Well I should get to bed but I'm not even tired....So I will stay on cB!

Nicole

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog Diary,

Why won't he talk to me? Why is he avoiding me? Or is it the other way around? Am I the one avoiding him? I can't tell anymore.

I wonder if he still cares. I try not to think about him, and what scares me is that throughout the school day, it mostly works. I don't know what I do during classes now. I don't write to anyone, I don't focus, I don't get anything finished. I'm just there. I never accomplish anything anymore; I can't even bring myself to write anymore.

This is the exact reason I told myself to stay out of online relationships. I don't know what he's thinking. I don't know if he still cares. I don't know if he misses me the way I miss him. I keep telling myself that it's over, that I don't care. But that's a lie. I miss talking to him. I miss his voice. I miss him.

However, I refuse to be the one that strike up a conversation this time. I refuse to be the one that apologizes. I was not wrong this time; I was not wrong. I will not admit to something I did not do, I will not apologize for something I believe was right. It was not my fault, I told him to stop, but he didn't. He never does.

I feel so guilty though. Lately, in order to get my mind off of him, I've been hanging around and talking with so many guys, not even because I like them in that way. They're just friends, but they're attractive. They're gorgeous. But each one has his own individual quirks. And quirks, if big enough, I just can't overlook.

He's got a crush on someone else, and I know myself well enough to say that I think he's hot but that I don't like him in that way. He's hilarious, but very flirtatious. He's young and I don't know him well enough. I bump into him randomly around school, but he's a too naïve for my tastes. His voice is dramatic, his body built, and his mind deep; I could never get involved. A surfer and an artist, how different can he be? He's a fast-paced guy and it wouldn't work. His hair is fabulous, he's a bit odd but we're friends.

None of them would ever like me, that I'm sure of, but I love calling them up or chilling with them. I'm not a likeable person; sometimes I wonder why people even put up with me. I'm amazed that I've ever even had a boyfriend, much less two serious ones. Sure, shallow guys come up to me once a blue moon to ask for my number, but I hate that; I never give it out. But how do people put up with me?

I'm such an a-hole; if I were someone else, I'd probably hate me. But the point is, I'm not very likeable. I hate people, I'm a misanthrope. I'm mean and sarcastic, I'm bitter and cynical. But I'm a whole lot of fun to hang out with, at least I think so, from time to time. I'm obnoxious, I whine every chance I get, I'm a lazy bum, I'm selfish, I hate many of my so-called "friends" that I see everyday. What good is there to me?

But maybe that's why we get along so well. That's why I'm so drawn to him. We're both the same sort of person. We believe, love, and hate the same things.. I love everything about him. His name, his voice, his laugh, .. I miss everything. God, I miss him so much. It's a searing want that's spreading. I can feel it, it physically hurts.

I can't do this; I can't put him through this. I'm much too loyal, that's true, but to even think about it, it's just wrong. I hate myself for thinking it, but sometimes it just drifts in. But I can't. I'm not the sort of person to betray one's trust in me. I know how much it takes to trust in someone, and I would never just throw someone else's trust away. Never.

I feel empty, I really do. Every time I have time to myself, I begin to notice a feeling I can't quite place. And then I realize it's loneliness. I can't bring myself to tell anyone how I feel, so I lock myself in my room where nobody can reach me, nobody can hurt me. It's peaceful there. Great. I got myself into a crying mess now. Ugh.

And on another subject, I'm really bitter. It shouldn't be a big deal to me, I wasn't even that serious about it, but it disappointed me. I got upset over such a trivial thing, it was becoming a mod. I'd be lying if I said I weren't let down when I found out I wasn't modded. I'd be lying if said I weren't jealous of everyone else. I'd be lying if I said I'm happy for all the mods. Some of them don't deserve it. Some of them don't deserve it all.

What sucks, though, is that everyone else believed that I would be modded, and I doubted them. I was right to doubt them, but they kept telling me how qualified I was and such, and I started believing them. It was a stupid mistake that I've made so many times before. I need to learn to stop setting myself up for disappointment. It's starting to get old.

But why wasn't I modded? I can't say. I've been meaning to ask an admin, but I keep forgetting. I heard many mods put in good words for me and wanted me on staff, but that wasn't considered. People said I was extremely qualified and asked me to apply. Why should it be that admin decides who is modded and who isn't? How many out of the three people who chose mods actually got to know the candidates? All of them? None.

Yeah, I'm fucking bitter. I have every right to be when Kristin was modded and not I. She is my friend and everything, but I haven't even seen Buttskin around cB that much anymore. I remember back in July and August, she'd actually post. I haven't seen much of her in the past five months. At all.

I'm resentful. I'm not the only one that was disappointed with the new mods. Everyone I've talked to has told me that they were surprised at some of the mod decisions and even momre astonished that I wasn't modded.

But I suppose I don't deserve it at all. After all, I'm not qualified enough, am I? I don't have a 5 post-per-day count. I'm not of official member status. I'm not dedicated. I don't like helping people.

What bullshit. I'm more than just committed. I'm on here every chance that I get. I can't help that I don't have a post-per-day count of over five. I can't help that the official member requirement goes hand-in-hand with the post-per-day requirement. I'm not a kind person; I don't take things lightly. But I am helpful enough. I'm good enough. I fucking better than you all. I don't need a fucking mod status to know that I'm superior. Because I already am. I'm more competent than any of you will ever be. Go choke on a condom and die, bitch. God, what the fuck.

Ignore me. I'm just a selfish, angry little prick. Seriously.

-Me.

-----

Dear createBlog Diary,

I can tell now. I'm on the phone right now, and it just hurts. It burns. I hear the indifference in his voice, and I can tell he doesn't care anymore. It made me cry. I couldn't bear how I couldn't keep it in, I had to put the mic on mute because I didn't want him hearing me cry. I hate when people hear me cry. I hate crying.

-Me.

-----

Dear createBlog Diary,

It's over. I know it. I just don't want to accept it.

I can't say that I didn't try to be the bigger person because I truly did. I wanted it to work but it didn't. It wasn't supposed to, anyways. Everything that I've ever truly wanted, everything that has ever made me happy has always just slipped out of my reach. Why should this be any different at all?

Today has been utterly horrible. As if six hours of SAT class weren't enough, my emotions were fucked with so damn much, it wasn't even funny. I'd rather not talk about the foremost item, but wow. Mother-dear has never failed to make me miserable and kick me down when I'm low. Just wow.

She makes me hate myself, my life, my family, everything. She makes me not want to live; every time we go through this, the thought of suicide wanders back into my head. I know better than this. I know. It's wrong. It's painful. It's not the answer. But I always wonder how people will react. I wonder if my "friends" will miss me. I wonder if it'll make mum feel guilty about always treating me like shit.

And it scares me, because it seems like nobody would even notice.

- Me.

-----

This is not fair. This is not my home. This is not my family. This is not my life. I hate this.

[Tinkerballa]

Dear cb diary,

why do i fear he will go back to his ex? i'm so worried and scared but yet then i think about someone else who i would rather be with but i let myself stay trap in this repeated circle. he would rather do stuff with his friends and other people then me.. he forgot our 1 year anv. my last birthday. christmas all the holidays... now my bday is coming up, will he remember and not be selfish for once? or will he forget and go to his friends or stay on his stupid ass computer and talk to his friends on teamspeak. i hate my life. i have no where to go and i'm holding on to something that will never happen. maybe i'm scared to let go because i know if we break up, i will have to find somewhere to live. i know thats a gay ass reason, but i really do love him........but its just sometimes i wanna hate him too, i wish it was how when we first got to gether.. it makes me cry....

Sincerely
love
and Peace
Yours truely.

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary:

this is where i come when i have stuff i can't say on my xanga. why? because people i actually know read it now...i don't really know anyone personally here. sigh. i love him. i really, really do. but lately i've been questioning myself...i may have fallen for the other him too...not that i don't love him. but i might love both hims. BLAH. how complicating. and depressing. but yeah...i sometimes get a twinge of jealousy when the other him hugs other girls or flirts with other girls but i shouldn't...i'm with him and not the other him though i feel rather strongly about the other him...i hate my feelings and emotions. they are driving me crazy...
what am i going to do though? nothing. obviously. i love him more...i think. and besides the other him doesn't love me the way the first him does though he does love me...though differently. but i'm starting to question which him i love more...and thats not a good thing...

why must this be so complicating?

[xGlovex]

Dear Createblog Diary,

Im really sad. I wish my dreams should come true of being part of the Xanga staff. Im an official member. I dont even know if i need a certain amount of posts. What do i do. Im clueless right now. I am just lost. What do i do. I dont know.

I Fell so unloved right now. No ones pming me. Iv just ben soundless, not talked to anyone for like 4 hours. What do i do, bark with my dog..atleast some one loves me..

Chris..

[ichiban]

Dear CB Diary,

There's too much going on in my life right now.

First off, I'm PISSED. It took me three damn hours to think up of a science project, and I go up to my science teacher with my idea and dyou know what she says?! "It's so uncreative that the highest grade you can get is a C." And that is really not what I need right now. Ugh. So I have to think up of a whole new idea.

History has been hell. No, not the WORK. It's who I sit next to. Yeah, sounds childish but no one understands. I sit next to my best friend in elementary school, a guy that I liked for two whole years, and then he suddenly just stops talking to me and turns into a fag and a player. And talking to him again is just IMPOSSIBLE. We havent spoken for one and a half years. And mrs bell just decides to toss us together. this isnt going to work.

I miss Chaun. I miss him a lot. And i probably wouldnt be missing him so much if it wasnt for my cowardice and stupidity. JUST ASK HIM FOR HIS SCREENNAME. How hard was that? But it was too hard for me. I tried to find the words, but they wouldnt come. Now the next time I would have a chance to see him is yeah, TWO YEARS LATER. Would I still even be living in California two years later? THen i'll NEVER see him again. Chaun was just becoming a really good friend. And now, it's just impossible. Ask him for his stupid screenname... I couldnt even do that ... why? i dont know. I was scared. Shy. Embarrassed. Inside of my head, I was screaming ... but a whisper wouldnt even come out ....

And to make matters worse, I think I like PJ. Of all the guys in the world, PJ ... its kind of on and off feelings. one second im in love with him, and the next, i have no idea what im feeling. Maybe because its ... PJ. I met him exactly one year and six days ago, at a violin master class. Man I thought he was crazy at violin. My first impression of him was a hard working smart guy .. teh kind of guy i'd like to MARRY rofl. yeah. I didnt even know he went to my school beacuse he was a grade higher than me. the next day, i see him at school, in ORCHESTRA. yeah its about time he signed up. and i found out he was from taiwan .. a fob lol .. but he spoke english kind of well .. and we just kind of talked, and he was really nothing to me. kind of nonexistent. and then we got into a huge fight .. for no apparent reason lol but we really were at each other .. cussing each other and stuff. and then that ended suddenly. we started talking more ... became kinda better friends. and i realized that .. ive always felt something weird towards pj. ive always had feelings for him .. i jus never realized it. but it wasnt like that i had a crush on him. it was just feelings, thats all. we would talk online a lot .. mostly about orchestra lol .. we really had nothing else to talk about ... and then scsboa began .. he was in string orchestra, i was in full orchestra ... during break and everything, we hung out along with everyone else that went to our school .. and yesterday, january 23 .. i felt something stronger towards him than ever. we were watching band play .. i was next to you .. and then that weird feeling overcame me. you arent cute or hot in any way. you kind of look funny as a matter of fact .. but .. it was just YOU, thats all. and i fell in love .. for the first time ever..

But how would you ever understand? we werent ever meant to be anything more than friends. it wasnt the way God planned us. i'm an immature twelve year old, and youre this violin masterminded fourteen year old who hasnt liked a girl since he came from taiwan. well, he thought around 10 girls were pretty but he hasnt had feelings for any girls personality ... if i ever told him i liked him, he'd think i was insane .. and i dont even want to know what'll happen next.

You know, guys should be more .. hmm .. OUTGOING. everytime i meet a new guy, theyll always be quiet and ignorant. but yesterday, i meet a guy ive never spoken to before, and he smiles and says hey. thats just cool. guys should be more like him lol.

i have even more things on my mind. ill continue ...

so hey eric. we still friends? lol i guess not. oh well its okay, im over it. ive accepted that we can never be friends again. but guess what? i dont even know why. and i just have to blame it on you, im sorry. but ill explain. IVE BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO YOU EVER SINCE THE SCHOOL YEAR STARTED. Youve just been ignoring me for some reason. I've been trying so hard to make us the close friends we were just half a year ago ... and ive given up. im not gonna try anymore. im not gonna try and convince you anything. and just to tell you, i dont care if you never forgive me for going out with him. because if you dont know im sorry, then maybe youre just not meant to know me. i dont hate you, i just wish i never met you. i looked forward so much to talking to you and becoming even closer friends this year, and i guess thats not going to happen. whatever. but i do miss you. ha.

My life = Pathetic

- Just me ..

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
Today the most exciting thing happened to me. But I nearly died.
The end.
-Me.

[PurchasedRebelli...]

Dear cB Diary,

Somebody took my bottle of Patron and I want it back.

-Joyie

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary...

its 6:30 and i leave for school at 6:40...in the morning. i woke up at 5:15...godammit why!?

[weirdness]

dear cb diary
i'm addicted to cb games
need to post more
hey i'm ont he front page hahas ^____^
< el boringo person :p

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
I'm over it. Fuck being a mod. I love insulting people too much to ever give it up for a stupid mod position. Wewt. As for other things, I'm not boding well.
-Me.

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary...

this sucks. i've come to a realization. which sucks. but whatever.

[Nicolatofu]

Dear cb diary,
how, HOW, could she deny saying that to me when I can remember her there, b*tching abou8t how I'm such a slutty dresser? I've never worn anything like that before! Has she taken a look in the mirror?!?! OMG! bah.
Moi

[miss barnes]

Dear beloved CB diary

my my..the time surely has flown since our last convo. well nothing much has changed in my life except i quit softball b/c coach kay is fukkin bullshit...had a D in spanish b/c mrs johnson fukked me over on the vocab...now its a B...had a F in geometry...i fukked mrs hale over..now i have a D...A in accounting....did my english project in 1 hour tops and managed a 93/100...brian took 3 days and got a 100...lol....oh...C in physics...need..GOT to raise that...93 in desktop publishing...better not go lower...damn its already mid-quarter

Reekah

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

life is frustrating. as always. but whatever...theres nothing i can do right? except complain but that doesn't really help...i've learned that a long time ago and yet i still do. meh.

[Outloved]

Dear Createblog Diary,

I'm so confused and mad and sad. All mixed emotions. My dad is away for a week-month right now, he is on underway in his ship, and my mom is being mean. My mom is mean to me when my dad is gone. But when my dad is here, my dad is mean to me. I just can't escape all this. I also feel like everyone around me is changing, if change is suppose to be good, why do I feel so left out? Well that's all for now.

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
Some things are just not worth the effort.
-Me.

[gigiopolis]

Dear createBlog diary,

Today I fell flat on my ass on the edge of the stairs. Now I have one gigantic line-shaped lump on my butt. I can't sit down without a pillow because it hurts like a bitch.

Also, when I was pulling my Science textbook out of my locker, my hand slipped, and my textbook came flying out, and hit me in the lip. I have a cut lip. It bled like crazy. I even had to go to the nurse's office.

Smooth.

[heyyfrankie]

Dear CreateBlog Diary,

yesterday was awful! school was very boring and i had to take like 3 quizes! it sucked really bad! and then i was like, okay, this is a bad day and it is pouring down rain. therefore, i will have to walk home in the freezing cold and pouring rain! i was so pissed. but then i found out that my sister was going to have her friend pick me up after school. i was so excited! and, since they were seniors, my sister and her friend get to leave school early. so i went and ate lunch and then went to my last period. i finished all the rest of the day and walked outside to wait for them come. and i was like well i am not going to go outside because it is really cold and wet. but my school is stupid and they say that you have to be out of the school by 3:00pm. so after 15 went by, i had to go outside! and i waited their for another 10 minutes. afer that time passed, i was going to go inside to use the school's phone but i couldn't find an open door! and after all that, i found out that i had to walk home! i was so pissed off! i was like, "i have been waiting outside for like 30 minutes and i am sopping wet, my backpack is soaked and now you are telling me that i have to walk home!!!!?????!!!!". and then on my way home, i slipped into a mud puddle and my BRAND NEW SHOES got soaking wet and filled with mud! it was so cold! and finally i get home and then i walk, dripping wet, and then my sister starts to laugh at me! i don't know why but i just felt like crying! i guess because i was so mad! i mean, i was told that i was going to be "driven" home and i wasn't. my brand new 90 dollar shoes are totally ruined with mud, and i am freezing cold! i went and took a 30 minute shower. and now i am sick.

--Frankie

[Wishful_Dream]

Dear Cb Diary,

I don't really understand this topic. =D Anyways, In a way I'm new. I hope I get to be an offical member. =O I want to be an official member.. Or get at least 100 posts. =D Anyways, So far my day has been real bad. Well, yesterday was worst. I had so many tests and junk and they were all unprepared for.. Meaning the teacher just surprisingly gave it to us.. T_T" It was a burn really.

I'm kinda tired right now. I've been tired lately, barely able to keep my eyes open. So sleepy. About to collasp. I made a topic on this on my other account (Wishful_Thinking) but yeah.. someone said I should go see the doctor. =/

So far, most of my friends have been neglecting me.. but it's okay.. =/ It's not their fault that they are busy.. =/ I don't really know what to write in here.. so I guess I'll make it pointless ne?

I'm jealous of my friend... I found out she played this game with my crush and she knew I had a crush on him... x_x but I just recently lied to her that I stopped liking him.. I dunno. I hope I'll get over him.. I think she likes him. =/ Seeing as they are so close, I guess they'd make a really cute couple. I will cheer them on all the way...

--Alina Nguyen =)

[silver-rain]

dear cb diary,
this week has been pretty well. i got to see stephen every day! that was great. today's track party was fun too. but i'm really sad that my grandmother died, and that everyone is going back to china. eh, i feel a bit guilty because sometimes, i didn't really like her that much or whatever. but seeing my mom, it really killed me, especially since she like lost her whole family in like 10 years. eh, i feel really sorry for her. i wish i could've gone to china too...

[heyyfrankie]

dear createblog diary,

yesterday was so boring at first! we had to clean out the garage! it sucked! my sister didn't want to do it so, of course, we were messing around and laughing and not doing that much work. so my mom and aunt got super mad at us! they started yelling at us. i didn't laugh after!

after that, we went to a step show at TCU. it was awesome! some of the schools there were so good! the girls got first place and the boys got second! WE GET TO GO TO THE FINALS!!!!!!! we are so happy!

and today, i got yelled at again. i think i let my mouth override my ass and i just get into trouble. but i don't care. i always have friends.

--Frankie

[jinsyungitis0811]

Dear CB Diary,

Shinhwa Sarang's forum is down again. my laptop's been pretty much dead for the last week. im suffering without my daily kpop updates TT_TT. good thing i found you yesterday though. at least i can learn how to make skins when im bored. i wish there was PS on this computer so i can get more creative.

im supposed to be doing this lit assignment right now, but im typing to you instead ^^;; i love how i procrastinate, heh.

i think im getting sick my throats all parched and yeah. bad day maybe? >_>

its monday tomorrow. i HATE mondays. i dont want to go back to school and live through another day of hiding under my happy mask. why cant i just stay home, or get a job, and stop going to school? school seriously sucks, especially when i think of it during one of my depression days.

Sadies is coming up. all my friends want me to go. im tempted to but the guy i have in mind to ask will never say yes. he hates dances... but ive just got addicted to dancing. wth is with the bad timing --;;

im drinking apple juice and listening to Kangta's Pine Tree album. its pretty soothing until i glance down and see the lit book im supposed to be analyzing.

i've been awake since 9 and im tired already. and its only 3:27~~ _ _;;

guess i should try finishing my hw before starting on my first skin.
<33
-eva

[*stephinika*]

dear cb....

i've had a 50/50 kinda weekend so far i guess. i've been doing so much other stuff instead of studying and thats been fun. a bit stressed due to a rather interesting arguement with angela...sigh. whatever. i don't even care anymore. i hope someone can come with me to the movies...haha i might see a movie with marvin next friday. that should be interesting. anyways...bye.

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

today was so boring! it was a monday and an "a" day so i was extremly tired! and just to make matters worse, i was sick. i mean, sicker than i have been for the past 4 days. i stayed home on friday but then it got progressively better as the weekend went on. but then, this morning, my throat was hurting me so bad! when i would swallow, it would feel like i was swallowing glass! and then i thought that i would take some medicine, eat some cough drops, and use the medicated spray that would help my throat. but guess what...it didn't! i ended up eating 5 cough drops and taking medicine and nothing help. so luckily i got a doctor's appointment tomorrow. yay! drugs!

and tomorrow should be better becase i only have to go for half a day and there is supposed to be snow...y'all know what that means...NO TENNIS!!

--Frankie

[miss barnes]

Dear CB diary

today was a totally not needed day in my life. didnt want to go to school and had to go. didnt have to do a damn thing while i was there. never have homework so yea school is a big fukkin joke to me. mario is soo sexxy. a damn shame that he wasnt at school today. hella ppl were M.I.A today. tha party must have really been something...naw nvm mark said it was wack.

until later tonight
reekah

[pbear]

dear createBlog diary,

i love him and hate him at the same time.
on one hand, i can't forget our past and everything he did for me.
on the other, i feel like he's stabbing me in the heart. he won't talk to me, he won't look at me, he won't acknowledge me.
i can't help but wonder about my future. when i'm 30, 50, 80 and on my deathbed, will i still remember him? will i still hurt for him? will i still love him?
forever, he said. i said it too. forever was a blink of an eye and eternity. forever and ever and ever. i kept my promise. did you?

i wish i had never known him.

-Linda

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
Jose makes me smile.
The end.
-Me.

[*mishyerr*]

Dear cB Diary,

I feel like I'm in a swirly car ride. I'm being pulled this way and that. I don't know what to do anymore. Life is really confusing right now.. I want to do everything. But I can only do so much.. I want to fall in love with him, but my heart can only love so much.

Bye _Me.

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

today was boring to my surprise! i thought it was going to be fun but it wasn't. i think it was because today was the sickest i have been! i got to go to the doctor and they said that all i have is sinuses! i don't believe then! but i at least i got some drugs! thank god! i hope i start to feelin' better. and i have to give a speech tomorrow and i just can't wait.

--Frankie

[Flaunted]

Dear Createblog Diary,

i feel this is going to be a long entry

I wish i can help my friends, there is so much tension and problems in my "groups" of friends i can't keep track at all, i wish it would all just go away. My Friend said that i should go to King of Hearts, it would be lovely to go but i have no boyfriend and no one i like to make a possible date, the whole dance is just making out and dry sex, why would i want to go if i don't want to share it with the person i go with as friends? (oh dear i sound like a slut) anyways i'm going to a party instead with some friends who aren't going as well.

I know he has been busy lately, i don't mind it that much but i really miss talking to him and knowing he is around, i feel like i'm not up to the standards and i'm just one boring chick that never have any good conversations. He says i'm not but i'm still if-y about it. i try to think of ways to talk but it doesn't do anything really. i don't like how things are going now and if they are going to stay this way. we barely talk...

Anna, is a awesome person, her birthday is tomorrow? i am sure to put a birthday card with my letter that i am currently writing to her, its going to be so cool, but my handwriting is very messy and i doodled a lot on it.

So my cousin and aunts and uncle have been here for over a month, they seem to settle down pretty well, its just different because i want my parents out of my room and them out of my house, i mean 7 people in this small of a apartment isn't cozy. my cousin has driven me over the wall with his disrespect to his parents and his manners. he is very stubborn and just annoying, my mom almost killed him the otherday because he almost got ran over by a car, seriously if he did, i wouldn't be sad. his parents try to disipline him really but they don't do it, he never learns his lesson, he never listens only to my mom, dad and me when we really yell at him. when will he ever learn? my mom said i can have the priviledge to hurt him if i have to, but my damn conscience is blocking me to do so.

errr lets stop talking
bye for now.
sam.

[ladymahogany87]

Dear createblog diary,

I should be studying for my exam tomorrow but I'm surfing the forums instead. Can you believe my exam is starting at 7:30 in the morning!!!! Hopefully I will do well on it. Today was an okay day. I wanted to get up early to study but that didn't happen. I ate lunch with some people from Intervarsity which was fun even though the food was gross. We celebrated a girl named Trisha's birthday. Then I had three classes and two meetings so it has been a long day. Tonight I'm going to teach some girls on my hall how to play spades. That's all for now.

sooooo tired!

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

oh my f**king god. she is pissing me off SO MUCH! why do you care what i do so godamn much huh!? leave me the f**k alone. i don't care what you do, so why do you care so much about what i do? its my life. i'll do what i want and i don't need to justify it to you. i refuse to let you intimidate me into changing how i act or what i do. i won't let you pressure me into taking that shit off my xanga. i can post whatever the f**k i want. i let you post your bullshit about me so why can't i bitch huh? do i have to follow all your rules now? hm? stupid bitch. now i know why i don't like you so godamn much. you're the one who started taking this whole shit out of proportion and i let it go the first time - i f**king forgave you. twice. and now its your problem that you can't get over it. we've tried being friends so many times but you know what? i give up now. you're dirt.

[*Azarel*]

Anna, is a awesome person, her birthday is tomorrow? i am sure to put a birthday card with my letter that i am currently writing to her, its going to be so cool, but my handwriting is very messy and i doodled a lot on it

Ilu, you awesome person, you.

Dear createBlog diary,
It's been a week since I've written anything of true content here. Not that long, but it feels like an eternity. This last week and a half, it's been a bit hellish. Car accident last Monday. Been going to robotics. Grades today; they sucked. It's been over a month since we've really talked. I don't feel like elaborating. I'm sick because of Jenn, and I feel like shit. Nobody seems to care enough to at least try to talk to me when I IM them. It sucks. I feel utterly unwanted.
-Me.

[RiddleMeWonders]

Dear Cb Dairy..


I'm sick today.. and solo and ensemble for choir is Friday. I have to go to school today. MOm's in the shower,and if I ask her, she'll say no. Jacob's got the flu... which I guess means he can't call me tonight, which sucks because today is the day I'm finally ungrounded and I haven't talked to him in 3 days.
Will I even get to go to Prom? Oh Cb, I hate being a teenager sometimes, I wish I was already lying in a coffin. Shirk all the stuff on someone else. :p I love you!

Lindsey

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
I've been up for an hour. It's my birthday. It sucks being sick on my birthday. My nose is running and I keep coughing.

I want people to make a big fuss over it when I go to school. I want to have to lug around balloons and presents. I want people to know. But nobody is going to notice. Nor will they care.

Some sweet sixteenth, eh? Some sweet sixteenth..

-Me

-----

I tried so hard to hate you,
but it only makes things worse,
I only end up hating myself
And as my hatred grows,
So do the lies,
It's hard to face the truth sometimes
God, I feel so useless

[someflipguy]

Dear Diary,

I fell like sometimes I just want to scream and let all my anger out. I just don't undestand how people can be really that ungreatful. I go out and try to make them feel special but, they go out and throw the shit in my freaking face. Sure I don't want them to get into trouble and she don't want me to get into trouble. But, you know what I am taking the chance not you, feel free to tell me in a nice way that I am doing this whole thing wrong but, you know what cursing and shit towards me isn't the way to go. I was there when you were having hard times with them boys. But, now you just decide that I am nobody to you. I see how are friendship is really. When you get something from someone you just throw them away you get it. Just don't think that you can come back to me and Pablo just with a simple "Sorry." We were your friends and you go out and treat us like shit. What the f**k is wrong with you? We try to humor ourselves to say that you really didn't mean it but deep inside we both knew that you were telling the truth about what you said. All that hidden anger and secrets that we never knew. Go ask your other friends to comfort you when you need it the most. Don't ask me to hug and listen to you when your heart is breaking. If your to foolish to realize the truth then our friendship can never survive.

On a different note, my love life is starting to purk up. I got my Thao Thao and shes got me. I want to make our moments together very special. May it be just sitting and watching tv or going out partying or more special things. I am glad that I have you.

-Ryan

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

today was bad ! i was very sick and took my medicine this morning and it made me very sleepy and i ended up sleeping through my first and second period. a total of 3 hours. but at least i had such good grades they didn't care if i slept. and then i went to spanish and had to do alot of thinking there so i got a headache. it was probably because i was just tired. i think i am starting get better due to the pills. they work really good!

--Frankie

[*Kathleen*]

Life hates me. I swear it does. RIGHT when I was going to confess to him and spill my heart out...it was too late. It's always too late.
-Kathleen

[Chii]

Dear createBlog diary,

i used to be the good girl who went to school everyday and got good grades...now my grades have sunk into the ground and life is just hell...it's like since my parents started being up my ass about everything...it's just been a downward spiral...it's not because i'm stupid, i just can care the f*ck less about school, it's not a #1 priority to me anymore, i just want to be with my boyfriend and no one else...that's the only real time i'm happy any way...

i'm not happy being in this hell hole with my parents, i'm not happy with them, they don't make me happy, they don't even treat me like a f*ckin person...i can honestly careless if they just died, i won't shed a single tear

i rarely went to school last term because i just wanted to spite my parents, and because of that i failed all my classes with 55's (except for one 50), my teachers have said that i have the potential to do better, it surprised me that my math teacher said it because i thought he hated me...i don't mean to brag or seem full of myself but i know it's true, i know i'm smart, it's only that i don't care

my parents being a pain in my ass is escalating...it's making me want to move out more and more by the time i'm 18...

a sad pitiful thing i must confess...i've never been to a full day of school...that upsets me and makes me feel so horrible...i tried to get to school on time so many times but i just always fail...i get so discouraged

i hate it how people can't own up to what they say...i refused to go to art class because my teacher ridiculed me and i confronted her but she only got mad at me for telling her the truth and made class hell for me

you know what? it's so stupid that people online pretend they have this fabulous life when it's all a big lie, it's disgusting why do you people lie about your lives on a stupid website? just so you can get like net props or whatever? so you'll be popular online?

and why are people so fake? it's like you know what? that girl is ugly, she knows it, you know it everyone else knows it but won't admit it, what's the point in saying that she's beautiful or pretty? lies like that hurt people in the long run, you're only building up her confidence which will make her crash and burn because her "beauty" was all a lie and no one told her the truth

i know i have to try to do better in school because some how down the road it will help me...i just wish that for like 10 minutes my mom will just leave me alone and just let me be...i'll never be the daughter she wanted...i'll never be able to speak that perfect chinese...i'll never be a doctor or lawyer...i know it and she knows it too so why won't she just shut the f*ck up?

why do people act like they're all big on the internet? it makes no sense to me, oh look i can curse you out and diss you better that makes me so cool i mean really, we're all just people online, words aren't going to make us bow down to you...and to those idiot children who think they're all that and intelligent, there's a difference between speaking your mind and being a bratty little insulting geek who just looks up "big" words on an online dictionary

so yeah...this is what life is to me...by the way did i mention it's me and johnny's 6th month anniversary? hehe, that boy makes me so happy i swear...if he never stepped into my life...i have no idea who i'd be and i'd just be whoring myself out there if it wasn't for him...god, i just wish i was 18 so i can just run away with him...like you know...leave and run to wherever fate leads us...

ps
i don't want to use my real last name anymore...i just want to take johnny's now

pps
good god is this long

much love,
M.L. x3

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary

bleh. why am i jealous!? why!? i shouldn't be! UGH! i hate my feelings. i shouldn't be feeling them.

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog Diary,
My birthday was absolutely wonderful.
People remembered.
And I had a good day, after two or so weeks of shit.
Love,
Me.

[nhj_2006]

dear cb diary

its 8 am, and im in school, so sleepy. nothing to do. in 24 hrs time, i will be finding out my SAT score, it will either be happiness or sadness. hopefully i get to see my boo tomorrow.

<3

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

today in leadership, all we did was watch FORREST GUMP. it is still as good as ever! but she i had to do my math homework. it sucked because i had 3 pages! but then i went to tennis and it was such a waste because all we did was play double and i hate doubles! and i literally got nothing of that. next was algebra...BORING! all we did was word problems and i think my new favorite letters are X and Y. then i went to IPC and i haven't been there for 3 days and i luckily didn't have much make-up work. and we have a step show to go to tomorrow and i hope that we can go!

--Frankie

[Chii]

Dear createBlog diary,

hehe, today was great i was so scared that my math teacher would yell at me for not finishing the homework so i made up questions and diagrams to seem like i did it...he said i had nice, neat homework

johnny makes me so happy i just laugh and laugh whenever we're messing around at his place, whether we're eating or making out or talking or etc it's so fun. today i couldn't stop laughing i hope this never ends

ooo i should mention something that he said to me so i don't forget...when we were cuddling...he said, "i love you, you're my girlfriend and i will never be ashamed to be with you, that's why i take you everywhere with me, i love you so much" when he said that i teared up...because when i thought about it...some people were ashamed to be with me...like a____ he would walk away from me when certain people were around...and m____ never really showed me off to anyone...i love him so much diary......i know i found the one, he's my one and only just like hideki was chii's one and only...

oh my god...i almost forgot to mention this when i was getting on the subway, like when i was near the turnstiles, this guy that looked homeless with a big yellow jacket patted my ass twice with his hand ran like a yard away from me, looked at me with a weird grin and ran off what the f*ck is that??? i swear to god if he didn't run and if i wasn't carrying stuff i would of punched him

my brother's friends are un-f*cking-believable, when i got home from school, our door was OPEN and my brother was asleep but 3 of his friends were over that's so f*cking disrepectful, it's like how can you go into someone's house and leave the door open like that??? if you don't know how to lock our door, you can at least CLOSE it AND they ate 1/3 or the donuts the thing with the door that gets me really mad is that, what if someone broke it? i KNOW that his friends would run their punk p*ssy asses out and let the robbers take all our sh*t...they probably wouldn't even wake my brother up, some people are just so ugh

oh well...at least i ended my day happy, i was smiling like an idiot all the way home on the train, on the bus, and walking home...my johnny

much love,
M.L. x3

[miss barnes]

Dear CB Diary

DAMN DAMN DAMN!!! marios suspended for 5 days!!! he & some girl got the fighting and he punched her and she flew over some desks. DAMN man he wont be back until next Thursday and then on Friday i'm going to oklahoma so i'll only see him 1 day next week. man, i wish that him and his girl would break up. he needs to just be single.

reekah

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary:

oh my effing god. i hate this. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i shouldn't be feeling like this but i can't help it...all his actions affect me more than the other him's...BLAH. i hate how i feel. because i can't feel like this. i can't. i'm not supposed to. but yet i do. why...i love him. i do. but...agh.

[sadolakced acid]

dear createblog diary.

so, life the universe and everything. it's like a cosmic vacum. sucking for an eternity.

my life is a black hole. it sucks.

i guess. anyways. i'm looking for a purpose. i've decided to write. a story. yes. i will use. complete sentences. without. random punctuation. hope your. head doesnt'. hurt. reading this. yea. about the story. it's going. to be cool. i haven't. decided. on names. so. they're all called. guy one. guy two. guy three. etc.

- bleh.

[nhj_2006]

dear cb diary,

im writing in here again. wee i actually like writing in here cuz no one cares. and u can express ur feelings. today is friday and i woke up at 6 and i found out my sat scores, they were quite well, even tho when i told my dad, he wasnt "that satisfied" that kinda dissapointed me a lil but w/e, but since its my first time taking it, its all good. i got 3 test today and i hope i did good on it. i get to see my hun after school today. yay. gotta fill out my ap form for either ab/bc calculus this weekend. other than that, mom says we'll celebrate tomorrow, and my grandma is leaving tomorrow back to m'sia, this might be the last time i'll see her until another couple of years and shes gettin old, so i might have to do something for her tonight. wonder what should i do. im in 1st pd class, free pd. wahhoo. i should go study. tata

<3

[miss barnes]

Dear CB diary

tomorrow one of my balls...and i just got some shoes today...whew!!! if only i hadnt bought those chucks i could have gotten my nails did....

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

school today was alright. (not the best day i have ever had, but whatever. ) i was very excited all day because i knew that the BIG, GIANT, AWESOME step show wad coming up tonight. and i was going to go with my sister. but then i get home and she is like, "i think i am going to go with sharon and them to tim's soccer game." and i thought that she might still go to the step show because she said I THINK. but i was wrong. she ended up going. i know it might seem stupid but i was so upset. i was so excited all day for the step show and then i get home and it was like said, "i don't want to go to the step show, i would rather go with them to the game." i don't know why she would talk about the step with me all week and then it gets down to the day and she just drops me like i'm hot! maybe i am just overexagurrating(sp?) but i'm upset.

--Frankie

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
It's a strange feeling, indeed, to feel the instant urge to cry before being overcome by a wave of indifference; I don't know what to make of it, at all.
-Me.

------

I'm looking for something that's just not there anymore.

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

why do certain people in my family think i am dumb? i mean, i am not stupid! i know what goes on even when you cover it up with lies! i can't believe that i ask them about and they want to bite my head off. i am sick and tired of it. :bitter:

--Frankie

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary..

i don't even know if i love him anymore...well i do but...i don't know. i keep thinking of others in his place. and its so wrong. what am i going to do...i do love him but...its not the same. or am i just fooling myself? i don't even know anymore.

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

yeah, i woke up this morning and i am still sick! acutally, i am even sicker! i just want to get better! i don't like being this way because i am not myself anymore! i want to be able to have fun and do all the things i used to do but now i am just boring!

i want to get better! X(

--Frankie

[miss barnes]

Dear CB diary

went to northwest's military ball with sheneya. it was alright. danced with some peeps

[someflipguy]

Dear Diary,

Had a pretty good as weekend. Friday hung out with my girl and some friends. I had a good as time at the Club, great memories. Saturday my girl came to see me at the bowling alley with some other friends, and what a shock they put on my face. They came there with signs rooting, "Go Ryan" it was so hilarious. Everyone was like "How much you pay them to do that. I was like what??" I do not pay anybody anything, I am just kind to them and they return the kindness back. After bowling that night I was to tired, was suppose to go to this party at this bar called "Joannes" but sleep overcame me. I had texted my girl saying I wanted to see her, but I didn't get a text or a phone call until 30 minutes later. And, come to find out my girl had drove over to my apartment to see me. It was so freaking sweet! I really do have a great Girlfriend, I sometimes take advantage of her, but I am trying to do better. That next morning went to church and what a great service by Father Ed, preach it my filipino pastor. Then went to my friend Laras house to eat some good filipino food and hang out. Around 5 we had left to go to my house and drink and play games and drink of course. Man the pictures I took of that. lol! Something got me upset that night but, all I had to do was brush it off because it was nothing to get all huffy and puffy about.

Ryan

[*Programmer*]

Dear CB diary,

Thinking alot about my future and what i wanna do lately.....i mean im gonna be 20 by the end of this year im starting to feel old and like i've accomplished nothing at this point in my life....i have alot of distractions to stop me from reaching my goals as well...girl's, parties, drinking(our parents before us were aloud to drink at the age of 18 this 21 shyt is bull$hit. so don't give me that lecturing bull$hit....) are just some of them, i've been supposedly blessed with good looks. but i don't think high of myself when it comes to looks, well im just rambling sounding like an old man lmao.....later

-Rico

[rockmyx]

Dear Cb,

l tried to tell her or send her a messeage but l cant. l dont know how to start or how to say it to her. l really tried but l cant find a right word to say it to her. l'm too shy to tell her. guess l leave cb without telling her what l really feel about her.

l can forget her, l know l can. l just needed a little time to be alone.


this is my last post

until l came back

hope she's still here.

l will come back if l totally forget all this stupid things that l felt for her.

bye bye for now CB

[*mzkandi*]

dear createblog,
I miss Brandon....oh well who knows when he will be back. I have three test to do this week. One Thursday and two Friday which means I have to catch up on three worth of reading that i havent done oh yay

kiera

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
I dreamed of him last night for the first time in a while.. I really miss him.
I called him a bit ago. I'm not even worth his time..
-Me.

[xsweet_as_candii...]

[B]Dear Diary,
okay this is going to be a long entry.
I don't think i can handle it anymore, middle school is just so tough. Everybody gets mad at eachother for the dumbest reasons. My friends, tell me secrets about my other friends and make me promise that i won't tell, i never do, but it so hard to look at my friend having a good time with my friend that told me the secret, knowing that all that is fake.

And then theirs guys, why do guys have to be so shallow, ive had a bunch of guys ask me out this year, yet i said no to all of them, i think its because i know in my heart that they dont like me for who i am, they just like me because im popular and pretty {i dont want to sound stuck up by this}.

Then theyres parents, my parents let me do wat i want in the end, but it gets so annoying, when i go out on dates they get so tense about everything. UGH it not like im gonna have sex yet!

Still more, school. Its so hard, i used to get straight a's and now, well lets just say my parents wont be getting a bumper sticker this year its so hard, the homework theyres just too much! i mean were already in school for 7 hours, and then they excpect us to do 2 more hours of homework, i dont think so.

And then theyre kristy, she was my best friend for a long time, and now she hates me its just so hard. She says its cuz 'i copy the way ppl dress and talk and blah blah blah' i think shes just so obsoberd in being popular that she doesnt really care about anything else including me, although in a way thats kind of a good thing, because this year i could finally find out who my real friends are. Idf theyre true or fake, a dollar or a penny.

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

i know that every entry in this thing is negative, but it is just because i am so sick! i have been sick for a week now! and yesterday, i felt like i had the flu! i had a temp, i felt so bad, my head hurt so bad, and my whole body ached! i slept all day and didn't watch any of the super bowl! it sucked. i really wanted to and have fun with my family but it just didn't work out. and today was easy, thank god! i hope i start to get better!

--Frankie

[miss barnes]

Dear Cb Diary

today was ok-found out some VERY interesting shit about donnie-dayum mayn his girl stayed with him too-

reekah

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
I certainly have the most wonderful friends ever.
Things will work out. I want them to. I hope they will.
*crosses fingers*
-Me.

[nhj_2006]

dear cb diary,

once again, im in 1st pd, 10 min left. hoping for a good day. 2 test today, very important to me. i still hate my new school. my baby called me this morning but i was already at school, its alright. hopefully i dont get a lot of hw today, so i can sleep early tonight.

*hoping for a good day*
<3

[whomps]

All the demons living in my house are going to stay here because I'm going to forget to clean up tonight.

Today we're having the first meeting for badminton.

I'm going to beat all my homie gee skillets from Evergreen.

- X_angawhomps

P.S. Hi Anna!

OMFG MY HAMSTER DIED!!!

[*Azarel*]

P.S. Hi Anna!

Hi Eve!
-----
Dear createBlog diary,
I don't know what's supposed to happen next. I'll elaborate later, when I get the chance to. Now, I have to get ready for school.
-Me.

[*mzkandi*]

dear createblog,
i am such a slacker. i have three worth of reading to do in three classes and there test are this week....ugh....i will get on it for sure today...*sigh*
-Kiera

[krispy_kreme333]

dear cb diary
well i am no longer happy and im screwing up my life. ive betrayed everyones trust. im feeling dead right now. im sorry to everyone(wont mention any names) and for screwing up your lives. i hope you can forgive me.
-kristin

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

i'm currently at school during "study" block so i just came to the computer lab again...life is alright. still confused but...not so much. i've just realized how deep i'm in now...not there are any consequences at the moment except my own misery. sigh.

[*Programmer*]

Dear CB Diary.
13 hours.... strait of php and mysql databasing.....can't take much more...my heads gonna explode....tryna make the best of my time though...steph looks so perdy...

[whomps]

MY HAMSTER DIED!!!!



Freaking.. I was writing that entry up there and looked at the cage and he was just..

[*Programmer*]

aww damn....poor little guy....

[sadolakced acid]

dear createblog diary,

the scars have faded from my arm from the last time i cut myself. I feel like doing it again. of course life sucks. it always sucks.

god i need a purpose besides school and homework and sleep.

-your resident insane freak.

[ANG33ZY]

Dear CB Diary,

I think i'm getting a cold. That sucks.

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

i am so sick of being sick! i know that everytime i write in this thing i talk about how sick i am but i am really sick, now! yesterday, i felt so bad, i had to come home from school early. i know that i have the flu and my parents called the doctor's office to see if would write me a Rx for my symptoms but they said for to just stay in bed untill i felt better!

i have slept for most of the morning and i plan on sleepting most of the rest of the day.

--Frankie

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary...
i'm going nuts. everytime i think that for sure he doesn't feel like that, he changes and makes it seem so again...i don't know how i feel anymore. argh! i'm going crazy.
the fact that i can't DO anything makes it so much worse....because...just, what if?

[weirdness]

dear cb diary;
i'm procrastinating again, wow.
im tired. i need sleep
i don't want to go to school tomarrow.
yeahs i have school on saturday. isnt that sad? <_<
i dont want to do hw neither
bleh

[Chii]

diary entry taken out

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
If everyone knew my family and my parents, they'd all know why I'm such a bitch. I'm a mean person. I realized that tonight. I'm not just a little mean; I'm a straight-up harsh bitch that hates everyone and everything. I wonder how people can stand me. I'm fucked up beyond all recognition (harhar, fubar), but seriously.. I know what pisses people off. I know when I should back off. I just can't seem to make myself stop.

I've been raised, beaten and punished my entire life. Over the most trivial of things too, like not emptying the recycle bin on the computer, or not turning off a light in a room because I was going to return in two minutes. I remember being beaten. My legs were always bruised up because my mom would hit them with wire clothes hangers. My knees and legs always hurt because my dad would make me kneel for hours on end, not letting me go to bed. It created a searing hatred in me.

And my parents, they wonder why I don't listen to them now. They wonder why I talk back sometimes. I've never gone so far as to disrespect them, but I hate having to absorb every single word of their verbal abuse without doing anything at all. I can't do it. I don't obey their orders; I don't focus on my schoolwork anymore, I don't focus on much of anything anymore except my friends. I've learned not to try anymore at anything; it's never good enough for them. I hated having to go home with a report card, "I'm sorry, I must be retarded because my lowest grade was an A-," and then being considered stupid before I was punished, even though I tried hard. I absolutely hated it.

So does that make me stupid? Does always being at the top of my classes up until second semester sophomore year really make me stupid? Does getting 1350 on the SATI on my first try make me stupid? Does getting into a private high school make me stupid? Does qualifying for numerous summer programs at prestigious colleges like Harvard make me stupid? Does it? Apparently so. I've learned to never try to please my parents again. Ever. I'll never measure up.

My friends, they're all I have. My parents hate everything about them, but I don't give a shit. They're my joy, my happiness. How else do I escape this hell? I spend every moment I can with them, trying to savor the moments, or trying to talk to them whether it be by phone or by computer. My parents absolutely hate them all. They don't even give my friends any chances. "No, I'm sorry, you can't go out with Jenn anymore because she lies to her parents and steals money. She must be stupid too. Where the hell did you meet her anyways? I bet she has a 2.0 GPA and no extracurriculars. I don't like her at all." What the fuck? No, she doesn't. She works for the goddamned money; she works goddamned hard. She deserves it. She's taking mainly the same classes as I am, and she's doing better than me. Oh, yeah, that totally makes her stupid. I will never listen to my parents.

And yet I still do. I believe that I'm stupid, that I'm worthless, that nobody cares about me sometimes. And it makes me cry like I am now. Nobody knows exactly what I go through, nobody knows how much it hurts. I can't help that people hate me now. Sometimes I revel in it, but to be honest, sometimes I yearn to be accepted. People seem to remember who I am, but they never really know me. Nobody really does. I wouldn't blame them either. It's all my fault. I'm such a sham. No wonder everybody hates me. No wonder.

-Me.

-----

I wonder if people notice.

[*Kathleen*]

Dear createBlog diary,
If everyone knew my family and my parents, they'd all know why I'm such a bitch. I'm a mean person. I realized that tonight. I'm not just a little mean; I'm a straight-up harsh bitch that hates everyone and everything. I wonder how people can stand me. I'm f**ked up beyond all recognition (harhar, fubar), but seriously.. I know what pisses people off. I know when I should back off. I just can't seem to make myself stop.

I've been raised, beaten and punished my entire life. Over the most trivial of things too, like not emptying the recycle bin on the computer, or not turning off a light in a room because I was going to return in two minutes. I remember being beaten. My legs were always bruised up because my mom would hit them with wire clothes hangers. My knees and legs always hurt because my dad would make me kneel for hours on end, not letting me go to bed. It created a searing hatred in me.

And my parents, they wonder why I don't listen to them now. They wonder why I talk back sometimes. I've never gone so far as to disrespect them, but I hate having to absorb every single word of their verbal abuse without doing anything at all. I can't do it. I don't obey their orders; I don't focus on my schoolwork anymore, I don't focus on much of anything anymore except my friends. I've learned not to try anymore at anything; it's never good enough for them. I hated having to go home with a report card, "I'm sorry, I must be retarded because my lowest grade was an A-," and then being considered stupid before I was punished, even though I tried hard. I absolutely hated it.

So does that make me stupid? Does always being at the top of my classes up until second semester sophomore year really make me stupid? Does getting 1350 on the SATI on my first try make me stupid? Does getting into a private high school make me stupid? Does qualifying for numerous summer programs at prestigious colleges like Harvard make me stupid? Does it? Apparently so. I've learned to never try to please my parents again. Ever. I'll never measure up.

My friends, they're all I have. My parents hate everything about them, but I don't give a shit. They're my joy, my happiness. How else do I escape this hell? I spend every moment I can with them, trying to savor the moments, or trying to talk to them whether it be by phone or by computer. My parents absolutely hate them all. They don't even give my friends any chances. "No, I'm sorry, you can't go out with Jenn anymore because she lies to her parents and steals money. She must be stupid too. Where the hell did you meet her anyways? I bet she has a 2.0 GPA and no extracurriculars. I don't like her at all." What the f**k? No, she doesn't. She works for the goddamned money; she works goddamned hard. She deserves it. She's taking mainly the same classes as I am, and she's doing better than me. Oh, yeah, that totally makes her stupid. I will never listen to my parents.

And yet I still do. I believe that I'm stupid, that I'm worthless, that nobody cares about me sometimes. And it makes me cry like I am now. Nobody knows exactly what I go through, nobody knows how much it hurts. I can't help that people hate me now. Sometimes I revel in it, but to be honest, sometimes I yearn to be accepted. People seem to remember who I am, but they never really know me. Nobody really does. I wouldn't blame them either. It's all my fault. I'm such a sham. No wonder everybody hates me. No wonder.

-Me.

Wow...every single freaking word, phrase, and sentence in that paragraph applies to me...I noticed. Except it's not a mater of hate...I'm simply just...ignored.

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

i went to the step show last night! it was so fun! we finally beat our rival! it was so awesome because the whole place was packed! i had never seen so many black people all at once! i loved every minute of it! and tonight i am going to see hitch. i am very excited. and i am finally getting better and better! i just get better everday!

i am so happy now!
--Frankie

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

last night was so much fun! hitch was awesome! i loved it! i was laughing the through the whole movie! and now i am about to go play tennis! i wonder how i will do?

--Frankie

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

wow. it happened last night. it actually did. thats...surprising. i almost cried after he left though...i don't know why. i felt...dirty? i don't know. it had almost happened before and i said no to it because i felt like i wasn't ready and last night i felt ready i thought to myself. i don't regret it, no but i don't know if i really was ready. and now, after that, i feel like i owe him so much in that aspect...he is the most patient person i've met if he truly doesn't mind waiting. and i want to...but i can't. i don't know why. nerves? who knows. but wow. i guess i'm still in a state of slight shock thats all. but nevertheless, i love him. with all my heart.

[miss barnes]

Dear Cb Diary

wow this past weekend has been the most hectic ever. my best friend lives in Tulsa, oklahoma and for her birthday her moms flew me out there. ok- on thursday night i flew from here (tennessee) to cincinnati. At cincinnati my dayum flight was delayed for over an hour. Finally, i got to board the flight and got to Tulsa at about 12 am. the next morning i wake up sick like a muthafukka. here i am sick, tryna enjoy myself. i was sick like 2 weeks ago! how could i be sick again? Anyways, while i was there it was striaght. we saw avant in concert. well sunday night i was supposed to fly back out. we were in oklahoma city and thats 95 miles from Tulsa. we thought i had missed the flight. got to the airport and my flight had been pushed back an hour and 15 min. to 8:10 so i didnt miss it. the delta lady said i might miss my connection in cincinnati because of this one being delayed. so, i took the chance and flew to cincinnati. i book my ass to the concourse and what do i see?....NASHVILLE...CANCELLED. wtf? i did all that running and the flight is fukkin cancelled? oh well, so they put me up in the holiday end and a new ticket to nashville for 7:20 this morning. i'm only 15 and this was mad crazy. i had never stayed in a hotel by myself before. then, all the food places were closed so i was hungry like a muthafucka. then, i only got to sleep for 4 hours before catching a shuttle bus back to the airport. WHEW!!! i caught my flight and all i have to say now is that there's no place like HOME!!

AND i got to miss friday and today...omg..today is VALENTINES DAY!!!!
i miss donnie and mario!!!

[*Programmer*]

Dear CB diary,
Found out one of my friends "Daloran" got shot down yesterday...at a club....over a girl....we were old friends....he was like a brother to me...i miss him...god why does life have to be so f**ked up.....the funeral service is next week...im not sure if i can bring myself to go...his mom wants me to be there.....god it's sad when we can't even outlive our own parents...i hate DC...why did i have to grow up in a place that so corrupt...im out.....later

-Rico