Deprived |
| *Kathleen* |
 Jan 15 2005, 10:50 PM
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#1
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Not my best, but hey...whatever. I still like to get criticism for my stuff.
 I actually had to write this for English...can you spot the allusion, connotation/denotation, repetition, and personification?  Oh - and what genre of war poetry do you think it is?Deprived ‘Twas just like every other morose, solemn morn Where the soldiers await an arbitrary end As the sounds of mechanic demons are born Onward he marches, in hopes he transcends ‘Twas just like every other time he stood ground Prepared to overcome his worst fears of loss Caught in a shower of fire, watching it come down Praying to God, he holds tight his dear cross ‘Twas just like every other time a soldier died Knowing there was no way out, he left Earth Consumed by the war, he dissolved without pride Taken by this conflict, he simply erased his birth |
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Jan 15 2005, 10:55 PM
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#2
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 7,048 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,696 |
Omg, how do you write so beautifully Kathlers. I mean, I can try, but this is like.... author quality. Woah. Great descriptive adjective use. And the the simile use and personification use is amazing O.O. <3
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Jan 15 2005, 11:03 PM
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#3
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 dripping destruction Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,282 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,929 |
wonderful poem.
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| *Kathleen* |
Jan 15 2005, 11:07 PM
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#4
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Hehe aww thanks! Even though...I kind of think the third stanza sucks a bit. Haha. What can I say...I wrote it in under ten minutes. It's only worth ten points.
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Jan 15 2005, 11:51 PM
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#5
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 yan lin♥ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 14,129 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 13,627 |
whoa kathleen, that's awesome. i suckwhen it comes to having to rhyme in poems. :\
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| *Kathleen* |
Jan 16 2005, 02:32 PM
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#6
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Thank you!
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Jan 16 2005, 02:48 PM
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#7
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Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
Ahhh!
I LOVE IT, Kathleen! 100% on word choice. XD 
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| *Kathleen* |
Jan 18 2005, 10:39 PM
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#8
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Thanks, Brie!
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| *stephinika* |
Jan 20 2005, 09:17 PM
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#9
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well done. i like the word choice, like brie said and it flows in a way i quite like.
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