Fading Memories *poem*, My second one. . .*squirms a bit* |
 Jan 12 2005, 11:07 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 43 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 67,978  |
Hi . . this is my second poem, and it does sound kinda cheezy a bit. And i think it does gets kind of confusing, but please, comment it, and give me advice. That's MOST important to me right now. hahaha.
Faded Memories how come you are looking at me in a strange way. don't you remember me at all and the games we used to play. .? I guess it's kinda hard for you. I'm a total stranger, no doubt But I'm not gonna scream or pout. but the memories. . . at least tell me you remember those no? i guess those were just a pose. I'm torn apart. . still remembering your last words in my heart. "I'll never forget you" yup, that's what you said. But now. . . it's over. we went seperate ways. But I thought we could have lasted Friends forever |
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Jan 12 2005, 11:44 PM
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#2
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 The Bone Collector Group: Member Posts: 2,860 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 44,162 |
Hmm. i like the concept of the poem. Try not to try to hard thinking of ryhmes. Remeber, poems all don't need to ryhme. If you make it rhyme, it woud become into a cheesy line. Sorry ><
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Jan 13 2005, 10:37 PM
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#3
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
Rhyme when you can...not all the time. But yeah it's pretty good. Just don't make the rhyme everything.
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Jan 17 2005, 01:14 AM
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#4
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 42 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,705 |
KOOL
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