old men in the park, a depressing peom |
 Jan 10 2005, 10:53 PM
Post
#1
|
|
 HI IM aLLi =]  Group: Member Posts: 216 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,012  |
I wrote this for my English 2 class. Please tell me what you think of it . Thank you.
The Old Man in the Park Walking through the park The old man hears a bark All of a sudden he thinks about his wife When she got stabbed with a knife He starts crying a great deal of pain The sky turns dark and it starts to rain He can never forget his wife She will always be a part of his life Never will the man find another lover truer than her... 
|
|
|
|
 |
Replies
(1 - 4)
|
Jan 10 2005, 11:32 PM
Post
#2
|
|
 High Voltage!∞ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157 |
aww that's so sad and deep
 great job
|
|
|
|
|
Jan 11 2005, 03:05 PM
Post
#3
|
|
 love sucks...big time jessir.. Group: Member Posts: 661 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,644 |
i think that it would hit harder if you didnt make it rhyme , it sounds kinda corny like that, although it is sad.good try.
|
|
|
|
|
Jan 11 2005, 05:57 PM
Post
#4
|
|
|
Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
QUOTE(emmalie @ Jan 11 2005, 4:05 PM) i think that it would hit harder if you didnt make it rhyme , it sounds kinda corny like that, although it is sad.good try.  Mm. I agree with the above. ^ It is sad, nice job. |
|
|
|
| *Kathleen* |
Jan 16 2005, 03:22 PM
Post
#5
|
|
Guest |
Yeah, a better rhyme scheme would be nice, but it's pretty good.
|
|
|
|
 |
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: