My daughter... Options

[iheartjohn]

As some of you may know, I have a 4 yr old daughter (Geena, look at sig for pictures) and if you read this post I made a while ago you already know about my ex boyfriend, Tom.

I couldn't really get advice from my friends, because they got really weird on the subject and weren't much help, but I figured since you guys don't really know me, it'd be easier for you to say what you think.

I followed your responses about my problem with Tom (I left him), and ever since then, now he wants to see his daughter, Geena. I'm really scared to see him again, because every time we do talk it turns into an arguement and I end up crying and Tom manages to revert back to his old self and he hits me.

A week ago, Geena asked me "Why does Daddy hurt you?" and I really didn't know what to say.

I don't want Geena to see this stuff, especially at such a young age, but last night Tom and I got into a fight on the phone, and he thinks he should see his daughter. (BTW he's 24).

Of course I don't trust him and Geena alone, I'm afraid he'll hurt her, but I don't want to see Tom again.

Do you think he has a right to see his daughter? I mean, he did pay for a lot of her necessities when I was pregnant and when she was just born...

Sorry if this is too long. I just wanted an opinion/some advice.

EDIT // I didn't think this should be in relationships, since it's about Geena's sake.

[inlonelinessidie]

No, he has no right to see his daughter if he beats you. Do you have full custody of her? If you don't, go to court and state that he beats you and that if Geena were to stay with him for a few days that wouldn't be a fit environment for her. As to what sweetreat91 stated about it being hard for a child to grow up without a father, well look at it this way, it is even harder to grow up seeing a father hit his/her mother.

[BEBEx_iNFAM0USS]

first of all, i think you are an extremely brave person for having put up with Tom. i dont really know him so i cant make judgements, but i think it was good that you left him.

as for your daughter, (she is ADORABLE by the way ) what does she think about her dad? that would depend on how much you told her. i agree though, that she should not be exposed to that stuff. if Tom is as hurtful as he seems, perhaps it is best that he keeps his distance. although, he did help by paying for her necessities. ask yourself this.. DOES HE REALLY LOVE GEENA? maybe you should allow him to see her, little by little, and if things get way out of hand, maybe you should involve the court. nothing huge, just to be safe.

remember, to the world, you are one person. to one person, you can be the world.

GOOD LUCK

[pikimoo]

Ask your daughter. It may seem silly, but children are smarter than most think. And she should have some say in wether or not she wants to see someone who hurts her mother.

And.. you could always take him to court if violence continues, right?

[Skyline Drive]

Thank goodness you got out of that relationship.

I personally don't think you should let him see her. He hurts you psychically, what kind of man does that ? I think you should not see him again untill he agrees to change. Untill he starts to respect you then you should let him see your daughter. This situation is difficult. I'm sure if the military knew he hit you he could get kicked out but since you aren't married then I'm sure they would have him take an anger management class or therapy of some sort.

Good Luck.. I hope my imput helped at least a little. <3Lilly

[Skyline Drive]

No, he has no right to see his daughter if he beats you. Do you have full custody of her? If you don't, go to court and state that he beats you and that if Geena were to stay with him for a few days that wouldn't be a fit environment for her. As to what sweetreat91 stated about it being hard for a child to grow up without a father, well look at it this way, it is even harder to grow up seeing a father hit his/her mother.

I completely agree with that.

[toodlepops.]

ur daughter is adorable!

yes, bak to the point, ask geena is she wants to see her father. is she does, let her see him. but, remember to bring along a friend if you're too insecure. its better that way. and make sure you've told somebody that he's hitting you.

p/s; i think you are a very brave person and very strong. remember, anything can happen if you believe in it.

<33 sarah

[xSqueekyMexicanx]

No, he has no right to see his daughter if he beats you. Do you have full custody of her? If you don't, go to court and state that he beats you and that if Geena were to stay with him for a few days that wouldn't be a fit environment for her. As to what sweetreat91 stated about it being hard for a child to grow up without a father, well look at it this way, it is even harder to grow up seeing a father hit his/her mother.

yea go to court

[Nicolatofu]

i grew up watching my father continuously hit and abuse my mother. it left me traumatized...i suggest getting a restraining order, or request for supervised visitation (someone will watch geena and her father to make sure nothing happens. btw, i can't get over how cute she is! but don't ever let her get caught between the physical abuse. this coming from a person who suffered it for 10 years..

[xTINAA]

well i guess i basically agree with everyone else. except that he should be able to see her but only supervised visits. otherwise, i think that you should try to go to court and get full custody of her so that way you won't risk him ever hurting her like he hurts you. also, like someone else said, maybe a restraining order or something like that, that way he won't be able to contact you anymore.

[imadorkabledxd]

i dont think she should see him especially since it hurts her to see you get beaten. can't you go to court to settle this somehow?

[lilJdawg]

i think he has no right to see his daughter. i think you should go to court & tell them that you should get full custody of your daughter(if you already have then forget this) & tell the court, about how he beats you & say, that i'm afraid that if my daughter goes, he will beat her. your daughter is so cutee. hope things get better for you. keep your head up high.

[lilJdawg]

i think he has no right to see his daughter. i think you should go to court & tell them that you should get full custody of your daughter(if you already have then forget this) & tell the court, about how he beats you & say, that i'm afraid that if my daughter goes, he will beat her. your daughter is so cutee. hope things get better for you. keep your head up high.

[inquisitive_]

He is the father of your daughter and he has the right to see her. But at the same time, it seems like he doesn't care much about what hitting you and arguing does to the little girl. I think you should let him see her for a while but make sure he is never alone with the child.

By the way, Geena is adorable.

[audory]

No, I don't think he has a right to see your daughter. I'm sure you love your daughter, and you don't want her to get hurt. He's hurt you before, and he could do it to your daughter. You could let your daughter talk on the phone with him. If that helps...

[KRicoBoriqua]

Like everyone else I dont not think he should she your daughter(who is beautiful) because you do not want to risk him hurting her. Maybe supervised visits because a little girl needs a father. But if thats something that still would not be safe or healthy for her then it would be better for her to not see him at all. If things get too much for you maybe you should take it to court.

[LiLaZnGirL122]

OmG GurL!! block his Number OR change ur phone number plus u should get him kiked off da milatary haah jus ignore him and i dont think he should c ur doughter..

[I.Luff.Emo.Boys.]

Aw. im so sorry to hear about that.

Tom has no right to see Geena (who is so CUTE!). I wouldnt trust them alone either. Your a mother, you should follow your motherly instincts about visitation rights and contact with your daughter. If Tom continues to dispute over it, tell him if he wants to talk about it take you to court. (#1, he wouldnt take you to court in fear of getting arrested for beating you. #2 if he did he would loose because he beat you). You might also need to get a perminant restraining order which lasts 5 years. Those come in handy. So if he comes near you or calls or stalks you or whatever just call the police and he's in jail.


I hope i helped hun, and good luck.

[cmgchica717]

i grew up watching my father continuously hit and abuse my mother. it left me traumatized...i suggest getting a restraining order, or request for supervised visitation (someone will watch geena and her father to make sure nothing happens. btw, i can't get over how cute she is! but don't ever let her get caught between the physical abuse. this coming from a person who suffered it for 10 years..

Same thing happened with my sister and I. We had to deal with mental abuse as well as having to watch our mother be physically abused by our father for 19 years. My mother got a restraining order against him and I suggest you do the same thing. Go to the courts and tell them that you fear the life of yourself as well as the safety of your child. They do not mess around with that type of stuff.

Good luck I hope everything works out for you both!

And your daughter is absolutley beautiful btw

[Comptine]

since he is the father, he sorta has the right to see his daughter but since he's abusive, he really doesn't deserve it. if you really are stuck between on what to do, the best thing is to get supervised visits.

[JessJR1022]

has he ever hit her??.. that's a big question too...

[sw33t_rouge]

Bring your mother to see him at his hoouse he cant do anything with ur daughter and mother there. and also if he hits you call police dats abuse.

[jennyjenny]

He has a RIGHT to see his daughter, unless you go to court.
But if you were in his position, wouldn't you want to SEE your DAUGHTER?
Maybe it could be supervised, or something.
But he's a real ass if he would hit you in front of his own daughter. Just shows how much he cares about how she grows up.

[Chii]

No, he has no right to see his daughter if he beats you. Do you have full custody of her? If you don't, go to court and state that he beats you and that if Geena were to stay with him for a few days that wouldn't be a fit environment for her. As to what sweetreat91 stated about it being hard for a child to grow up without a father, well look at it this way, it is even harder to grow up seeing a father hit his/her mother.

i only read your post in your other thread...(no offense but i don't like to read long threads) yes, take him to court, your daughter (i love her eyes) shouldn't be exposed to this, any kind of abuse will hurt you mentally, you don't have to see him but like what other people have said, allow supervised visits, some else can supervise...good luck

please update us on what happens...

[booger butt]

he has the right, but I would rather go through the courts and get monitored visiting, esp. with the past history of violence.

Feel better love.